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You Will Die, Warn Diablo 3 Creators

In a somewhat fatalistic move, Blizzard has announced that you – you personally – will die. At some point, by accident or dreadful confluence of events, your body will cease to function, collapse, or possibly be run over by a train in a moment best described by taking a tube of toothpaste and squeezing it with the cap still on. Your friends and family will, hopefully, mourn you, as the carcass that was your vehicle through this cynical world is lowered into the ground, burned to ashes, or eaten by Welsh cannibals. Truly, we should take a moment to-

Oh, wait, they’re talking about Diablo 3’s difficulty modes.

In apparent response to complaints that the Diablo beta was easier than copping a feel at an open casket funeral, its… uh… art team, for some reason… want you to know just how tough it’s going to be. On Normal mode? Not so tough. After that, you’ll get to learn the true meaning of ‘Hell’ – and then play a really difficult game that has nothing to do with this knowledge.

There is of course the possibility that they’re simply rubbish at their own game. We shouldn’t rule it out. If Blizzard really wants to revel in the joy of death though, we can all agree that Diablo 3 needs one minor tweak – that bland, ‘by the way, you suck and you’re dead’ excuse for a death animation ripped out and replaced with something awesome. Something… like this:

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Richard Cobbett

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