This Rocks: Stone Quarry Simulator

Haha, this rocks. I am a funny.
Our work is complete, here at Castle Shotgun, when we receive the latest news from simulation impresarios Excalibur. This week’s transmission informs us of the unlikely-sounding Stone Quarry Simulator, in which you can use digging machines and/or explosives to drag the hard bits from the guts of the world. Excalibur implore us to “Embark on exciting excavations where only the most enterprising engineer will become king of the quarry!” King of the quarry. That sounds awesome. And I am also betting it’s not an actual feature of the game. If it is, then I will very pleased indeed.

It also features what seems to be the theme tune from an American teen-drama, as you can see in the trailer below.

The explosives are… a little underwhelming. Could have done with some actual cliff-blasting, I think.

Stone Quarry Simulator will be available to buy on 30th of March.


  1. Ninja Foodstuff says:

    Completely OT, I know, but no Idle Musings this week?

    • Jim Rossignol says:

      It’s coming at 7pm. We’re using the magic of scheduling to spread the posts out into the US timezone a bit more.

      • canadiancontent says:


        This is great news (for us in NA at least). Thanks folks! Really looking forward to reading new entries in the afternoon now as well.

      • Skabooga says:

        Your fiendish plot to get me to check RPS every waking hour is working remarkably well.

      • Vagrant says:

        I wondered why this week I haven’t had an entire page of news to read when I come in to work in the morning.

        I’m not sure if I like this better or not; My ritual of sipping hot cocoa while reading RPS is cut shorter than usual, but it gives more to do when I start to goof off during the day, though.

      • Bobtree says:

        I noticed the new schedule right away. It’s a nice change, thanks!

  2. noclip says:

    Is that blood on the blade?

    • Jim Rossignol says:

      It is some kind of nightmare vision.

    • deke913 says:

      I was told you can’t get blood from a stone..time to check back with the guy I loaned money.

    • lijenstina says:

      It’s ketchup. That is a pizza slicer after all. And ketchup is a vegetable according to the US Congress.

    • Thermal Ions says:

      No officer, I’ve no idea what happened to the foreman after he denied my leave application.

  3. jon_hill987 says:

    Bagger 288 for DLC?

  4. Premium User Badge

    ChaosSmurf says:

    The headline left me stony faced.

  5. cronach says:

    Perfect. I think the only other machine left to simulate, is a Zamboni: link to

  6. pixelprime says:

    I used to have a lot of fun speculating with my friends about the next unlikely ‘simulator’ game. But after we had Road Sweeper, Street Cleaning and Forklift simulators, I think the joke has kind of inverted now, where it’s become a parody of itself.

    Joking aside, I appreciate they’re trying to bring a whole variety of different new sub-genres to the simulation arena, but I really do think it’d about time they upped their game a little with their visuals. Despite the humourous comment regarding the audio, it’s clearly apparent that this game’s visuals are lacking to say the least – and an apparent running theme when you look at the majority of Excalibur’s catalogue.

    Although I think it’s worth investing in your own business to improve the overal quality, finesse and polish of your newer games, I suppose that Excalibur have found a way to milk these markets (farming sim?) for all their worth, with scant desire to actually try and make these games more visually appealing.

    • Shuck says:

      It seems like every possible vehicle simulation has been done so far. (Except, perhaps, motorized wheelchair…) This has got to be a pretty extreme niche sort of simulation, so I wonder what their development budgets are. I’m guessing: incredibly tiny. Quite possibly this is as good as it gets, until the tools improve to the point where a more visually complex game can be made at the same price.

  7. Zanchito says:

    Damn, you’d think they’d realise good physics would add a lot to this game. I’m tempted to write to them and offer to code some simulation for free, that video was painful to watch.

    Also, textures crom 1996. At least use a free texture library with more resolution.

    I’m upset because I think this has potential!!

    • pixelprime says:

      Watching that explosion at the end was almost embarrassing. They way it miraculously transformed into a neat pile of immobile rocks. It was like watching something off of the Discovery Channel. Sigh.


      I realise what the guy was doing at the end now – he was cranking-up his teleportation device. Those rocks have just been beamed in from another dimension.

    • Shuck says:

      Ooof, just watching the rocks “fall” out of the back of the truck was painful. They don’t need good physics, they need physics. I wonder if the time required to implement even a free physics solution was too much for their budget. They can’t sell a lot of copies of something like this, so I’d guess everything in development must be done as quickly and cheaply as possible.

    • Koozer says:

      LEGO Rock Raiders was more realistic. I’m serious.

    • Consumatopia says:

      Yeah, a physically accurate simulation that let you move earth and rock with heavy machinery would be hella awesome.

  8. Godwhacker says:

    It’s like Minecraft without the craft… or thinking about it, the mine. And nothing like Minecraft.

    This reminds me of that time at University when I asked an Engineering student what they were surveying.

  9. Borborygme says:

    The music makes the game sound as exciting as it looks.

  10. Midroc says:

    This is nothing compared to Woodcutter Simulator 2011. Check these sick quickchops out link to

  11. MistyMike says:

    GTA San Andreas contained a competent stone-quarry minigame.

  12. RedViv says:

    Oh Astragon, what terrors you wreak upon mankind.

  13. kert says:

    If this all was happening on the Moon, i would totally buy this.

  14. lijenstina says:

    They’ve really struck gold with the Police Simulator 2. :P

  15. Turquoise Days says:

    As a geologist, this game makes me angry. As a geologist, your puns make up for this.

    • Drinking with Skeletons says:

      So geologists are pro-rock? Do you throw artificial rock-dust (made from finely-ground animal pelts) at laborers and scream “Mortar is murder!”?

    • Turquoise Days says:

      That rock texture makes my geology-sense twitch. It’s so wrong its almost painful. Also, the material on the conveyor is certainly not gravel (grain size between 20 and 63 mm), but probably boulders of some description.

      Well, this is the most pointlessly nerdy thing I’ve ever written on the internet.

    • lijenstina says:

      Maybe prog-rock. Live at Pompeii had some nice volcanic rocks in the background.

  16. Brothabear says:

    Ma….Pa I wanna be a stone quary sales man! and im gonna get hours of experience, On this here PC!

  17. faelnor says:

    first carmageddon 3 footage