You know what was rubbish? Star Trek: The Next Generation. I think I’ve seen every single episode. And how do I empirically know it was rubbish? Because every time John de Lancie showed up in it, playing the god-like brat Q, his glow of awesomeness shone a light on the pastel gloom that surrounded him. In a ship powered by Geordi’s sighing, motivated by Troi’s whinging, and kept in order by Picard’s tugging, not even the almost-quite-good Brent Spiner could rescue it from its maudlin Roddenberry-driven goodie-goodie nonsense. But Q – the moment he appeared on deck the sound of popping pomposity filled your ears. Oh, yes, sorry – John de Lancie has been signed up to provide voices for Kim “Portal” Swift’s Quantum Conundrum.
de Lancie will be playing the part of the improbably named Professor Fitz Quadwrangle, creator of the lunatic house in which you must solve puzzles. de Lancie, when poked with a stick, said,
“The professor’s character is funny, a bit bizarre, and a great joy to perform. If players have half as much fun with the game as I did playing the character, then they’ll be having a great time.”
But not as much fun, John. That’s the only quote we’ve got, so I thought I’d make up a couple more that he didn’t say.
“It’s fascinating work, acting for video games. It was a real honour to be asked to take part!”
“Hey, maybe I’ll soon be referred to as the guy from Quantum Conundrum, rather than people only remembering me for an occasional cameo part I played in a shitty science fiction show that hasn’t been on TV for EIGHTEEN YEARS. Do you know how much work I’ve done since then? Do you know how many films and TV shows I’ve appeared in? I WAS THE VOICE OF DISCORD IN MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC! What is WRONG with you people. Just get out of my way.”
Airtight’s puzzler is due out in the Summer.