Yorkshire-Man Belmont: Poacher

Just in time for Easter, Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw of Zero Punctuation and the Chzo Mythos games, has released his new game Poacher, in which a man from Yorkshire kills hundreds of rabbits. Some of them fight back and I like to imagine the Easter Bunny would be one of those, a snarling thing of myth, born in the imagination of a child but now made flesh, fur and fearsome claw. As my headline clumsily attempts to inform you, Poacher has a bit of Castlevania about it, with powers gained to allow access to new areas of the underground worlds Derek Badger discovers beneath the estate he is raiding at the game’s start. Download here.

I’ve only had a spare hour to play today and it’s a lot of fun. I particularly enjoyed witnessing a spirit lady enter Derek, to which he responded, in utterly believable Yorkshire fashion, that such an occurrence was “a bit modern”. Good man, Mr Badger, good man.


  1. Vorphalack says:

    Just one question.

    ‘Ow much?!

  2. moooo566 says:

    Chrome has declared the installer dangerous. I’m not sure what to think any more.

    • lhzr says:

      ‘t be fine.

      • moooo566 says:

        It didn’t stop me running it. I’m just curious as to what hideous things Yahtzee is planning, and what chrome knows that no-one else does.

        • lhzr says:

          Yeah, that was a bit weird, didn’t see chrome do this before, even though I used it to get dodgier stuff than this. Anyway, thanks, Chrome. Throme.

    • nobody says:

      Chrome apparently declares any unsigned self-extracting .exe file “potentially malicious,” as if paying for the signature is necessarily a guarantee of much. It’s definitely not doing any actual virus-scanning on its own, and an AVG scan for this file turns up clean.

  3. lhzr says:

    Game’s good so far. Writing’s good, looks ok and plays well. Checkpointing could be better, but hey, it’s free!

    Now Corril Slayer on the other hand.. grumble grumble..

  4. Suits says:

    He should definitely do a ZeroPunctuation on it.

    • Cross says:

      Might be a tad biased, just saying.

      • grundus says:

        He’s British, self deprecation humour to us is like what being proud of being American is to Americans.

  5. magnus says:

    Sean Bean needs to do the voices for it, all of them!

  6. Bhazor says:

    Fascinating to see some of the design flaws he’d berate disgners for. Unskippable cutscenes, arbitarily walled off sections (“No we can’t go that way, thats the lions mouth”), wonky checkpointing etc. Then he invents new flaws like how the shotgun is very timing based (miss and its a two second reload) but theres no visible cue for when it’s loaded so you’re left hammering the shoot button hoping he’ll load in time.

    Am I the only person who can’t stand space mapped to jump when using the cursor keys? Because it seems every damn side scroller uses space by default. It feels so unnatural having to twist my left hand about to reach z,x and space.

    • Suits says:

      Yeah, might as well use ‘c’ to jump, the shotgun reload is easy to time by the sound effects though.

      • Bhazor says:

        Except for when the music and sfx kick in.

        • kud13 says:

          the shotgun is reloaded, once the spent shell reaches the floor and dissapears. it’s a visual cue, as well as the cocking sound.

  7. DickSocrates says:

    Wasn’t going to bother. Then read the bit about the spirit lady and try as I might, I cannot but find that amusing.

    *Later that day*

    Hmmm. Died in same place twice, got put back too far for comfort both times. Game isn’t compelling enough to put up with crap like that. Basic game design flaw from the man who acts like the authority on gaming. Brave for him to release a game after all of his unreasonablness, would have thought he’d have learned a bit more from all that critiquing.

    • KingCathcart says:

      C’mon lets not pretend that Yahtzee is doing anything more than putting curmudgeonly videos out for the humour rather than the critical value.

      While there may be the frequent grain of truth in his rhetoric I don’t think its fair to beat him with his own stick for releasing a free game for anyone to enjoy.

    • frightlever says:

      I wonder will anyone do a spoof Zero Punctuation on it… he said, hopefully…

    • Apolloin says:

      He did. He learned that it’s WAY easier to bitch about the mistakes someone else made designing a game than it is to fix those mistakes. ;)

      Seriously. Yahtzee is a writer by profession. Unlike chaps like Toady and Notch he’s NEVER going to shake up the status quo ante by designing a game and I’m reasonably sure he knows it. Doesn’t mean that Zero Punctuation isn’t hillarious.

  8. Sivart13 says:

    Every time I see a game like this on RPS, I want to repeat my mantra:

    I will not play another platforming game with a shitty save system.

    I will not play another platforming game with a shitty save system.

    I will not play another platforming game with a shitty save system.

    … and then I play through it anyway :(

    • Roxton says:

      I wonder if we could get that made into a Gregorian chant a la the Flame Wreath song.

      • Finster says:

        How about one like the Holy Grail monks?
        Non ludere aliud tribunal ludum cum stercore salutaris ratio. …clonk!
        Non ludere aliud tribunal ludum cum stercore salutaris ratio. …clonk!
        Non ludere aliud tribunal ludum cum stercore salutaris ratio. …clonk!

        • spindaden says:

          TIL google translate knows latin, and so do you.
          Well done.

        • jackcrpsby says:

          i belive what you are looking for is pei jesu domine dona eis reqiem t

          • Apolloin says:

            Nope. He wrote a new version about playing platform games with a shitty save system, he’s not trying to quote the monks.

  9. li says:

    The screenshot guy is very reminiscent of Andy Capp, isn’t he?

  10. jackcrpsby says:

    has anyone found the secret ending?