Agricultural Simulator – Historical Farming

Shit, there goes another pair.

Fetch a clean change of underwear, possibly trousers too. Because I am about to announce to you the existence of a trailer for a game so thrilling, so world-changingly-exciting, that… oh wait, you already read the headline. It’s too late for you, and for your pants. You’re likely barely finished scrubbing after Craig informed you of Agricultural Simulator – Historical Farming’s existence last month. Get ready for more washing.

See, I’m just envious. I know nothing about agriculture, nor its history, and yet it’s one of the most important creations of mankind, along with sewerage, Wikipedia, and stuffed crust pizzas. I’m an ignoramus, and rather than accepting this I make jokes, like a pathetic bully. Also, this game contains time travel!

Okay, they were lying about the time travel. Also, you’d think that something featuring historical farming would be going back a little bit further than when the diesel-driven machines were a bit older. In my historical agriculture simulation, it’s all about hoes and ploughshares, and shooting children with impunity. Not tractors. TRACTORS! They’re from today, not history!

You can get your hands on this in May.


  1. mentor07825 says:

    I look forward to the hilarious YouTube videos that will be made from this game.

    I never knew hoes worked on a farm before though….OR PERHAPS THEY DID!! I detect a possible scandal.

  2. zolointo says:

    Given it’s prequel, it’s safe to say that this will be off ye olden hooke:

  3. Morlock says:

    Truly histerical.

    • fyro11 says:

      I will gladly plough through this. Oh and if this has multiplayer, *wipes the sweat of his brow* let’s say I’ll sort the wheat from chaff with you lot. Trough times ahead, but nothing I can’t handle. It may not be my hey-day, but I’m still heisty.

      I feel so guilty. Apologies in advance to anyone in the agricultural industry; have the utmost respect for you.

  4. NathanH says:

    I reckon that whoever is making these games is in for the long haul, getting a reputation for dreary tedious farming simulations, until they final unleash all their expertise onto a simulation of the dreary tedious life of a medieval serf farmer, thus creating one of the most moving and heartrending pieces of art in the history of mankind.

    • PacketOfCrisps says:

      I’m waiting for the simulator that simulates these simulator developers creating repetitive games simulators over and over again. It’s the future, it’s inevitable. Simulator.

      • andytt66 says:

        gamedev story by kairosoft? it’s for the iphone, but it’s really really good in a timesinky sort of way

  5. Peanut Noir says:

    I sense a slightly sarcastic tone in the above post.

  6. frenz0rz says:

    I dont like this whole “People who arent Tim Stone talking about sim games” thing.

    It unnerves me.

    • jimbobjunior says:

      “Today’s foxer contains 9 variants of the Ferguson TE-20. Name them for FP points, which this week have been stamped from paraffin covered chassis plates”

  7. ZIGS says:

    Crysis 3 can go eat a dick, this is what it’s all about, right here

  8. Turbobutts says:

    I can’t wait for the historically accurate freestyle downhill tractor racing mod.

  9. Torgen says:

    Now where is my truck transport sim that takes me back to the 1950s, 1930s, even to the turn of last century? Model T flatbed, baby. Nothing but sex.

    • TheWhippetLord says:

      They’ve got you covered with the last part.
      “it’s all about hoes”*

      *pun provided by the Archaeological Humour Society, dated c.500 BC

  10. tlarn says:

    Look out, Facebook; here comes a farming game for the hardcore players.

  11. PacketOfCrisps says:

    I can’t wait to get behind the wheel and plough through this game.

  12. Dozer says:

    Bad form, John. You announced a trailer for the game, but spoiled it by including the trailer in the header image.

  13. Freud says:

    I’m a bit disappointed that these simulators don’t have their own tag.

  14. Carter says:

    That Music…

  15. Reverant says:

    I will buy this, and I will like it… OR ELSE. I picked up Utility Vehicles Simulator 2012 and I haven’t REGRETTED ONE EURO. I don’t know what I actually paid in American money, but I’m sure I won’t regret it if I ever find out.

    Can you really put a price on the enjoyment a person can get out of these sims? I mean, check out my playthrough:
    link to
    Nothing but pure joy.

  16. somini says:

    link to
    I CAME! The fidelity!OMG
    Lacks WUB WUB though.

  17. Papageno says:

    That tractor in the top pic is a Ferguson–my grandparents in Eastern Oregon had one of those and it’s the first vehicle I learned to drive on! It was still working in the early 80’s, bringing in a trailer full of alfalfa bales to feed the cattle through the winter.

  18. David_VI says:

    Didn’t see any farming in that trailer.

    Plus thats some gooood steering.

    • PositivelyGreg says:

      Pretty sure they want to avoid spoilers. (hint: Reapers, of course)

  19. wuwul says:

    Honestly, I find this kind of cool.

    Maybe I’ll play this for an hour or so just for the novelty and oddness of the thing.

    Assuming someone bothers to release it, that is.

  20. Bishop149 says:

    They seem REALLY proud of that linkage they showed about 16 times. . . . .

  21. yhancik says:

    I remember having a lot of fun with tractors in Operation Flashpoint

  22. Devan says:

    Okay, I need some info from you folks who know about these-here simulation games.

    Agriculture is pretty cool, and I would be interested in a game that actually taught you things about it. For example, where you make decisions about what crops to sow in what areas, what time of year to perform seeding, harvesting and maintenance operations, plant spacing etc, take measurements of soil, plant health, crop yeild, sunlight hours, and make judgements based on irrigation needs anticipated frost times, and other real-world factors of agriculture.

    Are these games anything like that? (Are there any games like that?) These look to be more mission based, like “Today we’re going to spray these pesticides on those fields. Hook up your tractor and drive it back and forth until you’re done”.

  23. SquidgyB says:

    The screenshot and vid has actually struck me with some nostalgia – sitting on my Dad’s knee driving the red “Fergi Bach”, or “Little Fergy” around our farm 25 years ago in Wales.

    My word, I might be about to buy a farming sim game…

    I kindof miss that little red Massey Ferguson now… :'(