A Partridge In A Derby: Dirt Showdown

Let’s get the preliminaries out of the way. There’s another video of Dirt Showdown doing the rounds, this one avoiding the collisions and boosting that have been the highlights of previous trailers, and instead seeming to show a mating ritual between automobiles. Perhaps some form of dance. I don’t know, but it’s not as much fun as the actual grinding of metal on metal, the eruption of oil and petrol, the concertina crunch of repeated impact. You can see the coquettish conveyances below and you can also bear witness to only the second time I’ve been amused by an achievement.

Yes, cars, spinning round and round, pyrotechnics popping rather unimpressively. Occasionally objects are clumsily punted along by the cars and that is good. If the game turns out to be anything like Destruction Derby, Burnout and Flatout in a sweaty makeout session I will play and enjoy it, but if it’s more like Dirty Dancing with vehicles I will probably play and abhor it. I don’t often plant myself in the seat of a virtual car, certainly not one that’s on a track or in an arena of any sort, but the kind of over the top daftness that Showdown should contain might be enough to lure me in.

Now, that achievement. They’ve only gone and called it Crash, Bang, Wallop – What a Video. Let’s have a look at what that’s a reference to – on the internet.

Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what the only other achievement I’ve ever been tickled by is? Clue: first-person game.


  1. westyfield says:

    The Part Where He Kills You, from Portal 2. I had to pause the game I was laughing so hard.

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      Adam Smith says:

      Very good call. Actually Portal 2 had a couple. Maybe there are millions and I’ve forgotten most of them, but that wasn’t the one I was thinking of.

      • Blaaaaaaag says:

        Saint’s Row 3, “Porkchop Sandwiches”?

        Edit: d’oh, that doesn’t even fit the clue… nvmd, I have no idea.

      • AbyssUK says:

        Half Life 2 – Targeted Advertising achievement ?

    • absolofdoom says:

      This is what I immediately thought of.
      Absolutely genius use of an achievement there; I couldn’t stop laughing.

  2. Kdansky says:

    They must be really broke. They can’t seem to afford a PC fast enough to even do basic AA. Did they run this on a PS2?

    • Innovacious says:

      Yeah… I’m not really one to worry about AA that much usually. Ill run most games with 2x AA and unless i stop to stare i don’t really noticed the jaggedness in motion (although my resolution of 1920×1200 means i don’t really need a lot anyway). But its really jumping out in this video, the jaggies look extra sharp somehow.

  3. Shadowcat says:

    That title makes me think “Alan’s Deep Bath”.

    (edit: Ahahaha… and I hadn’t even looked at the rest of the article yet :)

  4. DrScuttles says:

    Gnome Chompski from Left 4 Dead 2 for being a surprisingly intelligent pun in a zombiemanshoot?

  5. egg-zoo-bear-ant will e 91 says:

    Where is the podcast? sersly

  6. Derppy says:

    I thought Dirt Showdown was all about destruction derby.

    Shame they still go for that gymkhana crap, I absolutely hated it in Dirt 3. I think even the hardcore-mode that had solid rally racing without HUD or assists had the same retarded spinning maps.

    Hoping the showdown has a hardcore mode that focuses on destruction derby (and rally/rallycross if there’s any) and doesn’t feature the stuff seen in this trailer or the boost-system seen in previous trailers.

    • snappycakes says:

      Agreed about the Gymkhana stuff. It looked fun, but the fact that it’s so hard (at least in my opinion) and they basically force it and the drift challenges on you in the Dirt Tour really gets on my nerves.

  7. James Allen says:

    The DiRT series has had some humorous achievements. In DiRT 2, you got one for winning two championships with a female driver. It was called….
    Two Cups, One Girl

  8. Ham Solo says:

    Too bad there was never a Flatout 3.
    Don’t anybody dare tell me otherwise.

  9. CaspianRoach says:

    Why is this game called DiRT if there aren’t any dirt in it?

  10. wodin says:

    Alan Partridge, the greatest comedy character of all time.