I’ve always been a fan of the gag where a TV show or what have you spends ages building to something, only to air an absurdly quick segment and then roll the credits at blink-and-you’ll-miss-them-and-now-my-TV’s-a-time-space-vortex speed. I see what they’re doing there, even when I can’t physically see what they doing there. With Skyrim’s Dawnguard DLC, though, I think Bethesda just created the game announcement equivalent. After weeks of rumor-mongering, hinting, and teasing, the developer announced… an announcement. We now have a name, that dashingly glowy-eyed face, and an assurance that it’s “coming this summer to Xbox 360” (which means one month after that for everyone else) and we can look forward to “more details at E3.”
So that’s annoying, but – in retrospect – hardly surprising given that E3’s set to envelop Los Angeles in its trademark whirlwind of lights, sounds, and totally-not-booth-babes in a teensy bit more than a month. In the meantime, though, let’s see what we can glean from this. Some have speculated that Dawnguard could refer to the Order of the Mythic Dawn, who sort of assassinated Patrick Stewart in TES IV: Oblivion and kicked off all that nasty, well, Oblivion business. The Daedra-loving apocalyptic mischief-makers sort of took the spotlight during Skyrim’s Mehrunes Razor quest, but this could make the stage a fair bit larger – given that the Cyrodil region is kind of, you know, in Skyrim.
Or maybe I’m way off-base. Maybe the Dawnguard’s a red herring, and the DLC will open with a band of upstanding, barrel-chested knights foretelling of a new Daedric threat, only to instantly be crushed by a giant mudcrab that falls from the sky. Thus begins the Age of the Mudcrab, the darkest period yet in Tamriel’s history. And sadly, there’s no Mudcraborn to give the carapaced menace a taste of its own pinchy medicine, because – as the prophecies say – “that would be really, really silly.”
Regardless, we’ve got a bit of a wait ahead of us. Conveniently, however, we also have the Steam Workshop’s ceaselessly ballooning library on our side. Intimidated? Here, let Craig help get you started. There now: that extra month of waiting doesn’t seem so bad, now does it?