Timely Disaster: Neocolonialism


I very much fancy giving this a crack, but Quantum Conundrum is the current game on my pixel-plate and it is only fair to finish one meal before proceeding gluttonously to the next. Neocolonialism is a turn-based, multiplayer-centric strategy game that’s all about sucking as much money out of the world for your own personal gain as possible. “It is a game of world domination that does not have nukes, but does have austerity packages.” Like I say, timely.

It’s played between 3 and 6 people, each trying to gain more cash than the others by buying and flogging sovereign bonds, influencing parliament and corrupting the IMF. In other words, you roleplay as an exaggerated, tongue-in-cheek version of the tie-wearing ultra-capitalist psychopaths who are responsible for the current dire state of the global economy.

A fine, acutely contemporary topic then, although I can’t currently attest to the efficacy of its claimed ‘sarcasm’ because there are no other PC gamers on my local network. Also Quantum Condundrum, etc. So would you mind having a look for me?

There’s a free alpha version out now, which supports LAN play only at present. Online support is planned for the near-future, but in the meantime it might be worth giving Hamachi or suchlike a shot. There’s no sound or tutorial either and it’s probably buggy, plus Mediafire is the only host for now, but if you can round up some friends to join your LAN, have a crack at bringing the world to its knees together.

The download’s a mere 10MB and my virus-checker incorrectly claimed it was dangerous, because my virus checker is a dick. You hear me, Mr Avast? I’m going to uninstall your unreliable, naggy thing right now. That’ll learn you, eh?


  1. dandy-pandy says:

    why is the map on it’s head ?
    that’s too “neo”

    • AndrewC says:

      Because the traditional layout is a European conspiracy as things near the top seem more important to the eye.

      • roryok says:

        yeah! fascists. Also africa is 118 times bigger than the rest of the planet because we are all rich jerks

      • The Godzilla Hunter says:

        I may be crazy/used to seeing the map the normal side up…but is that map curved in a very odd fashion?

        • Mr. Mister says:

          There are two ways to project earth’s surface on a rectangular map: you either draw the forms correctly, or the sizes. You’re used to the first one, and -maybe- this uses the former.

      • Brun says:

        The Mercator Projection is clearly a conspiracy perpetrated by wealthy westerners to marginalize the size and importance of equatorial nations.

        • LionsPhil says:

          This can only end in XKCD, you know. (And then complaints that XKCD isn’t funny any more/never was/etc.)

        • Ateius says:

          It stuns me the amount of political significance people will attach to a navigational tool.

          If you want to find your way somewhere, unfold a Mercator.

          If you want a fully accurate scale depiction of all the geographical areas of the planet, buy a globe.

          • DodgyG33za says:

            Unless you want a 1:1 scale, and then simply use the earth.

          • maninahat says:

            You’re only saying that because your from Greenland, and you like being bigger than Africa.

      • Cinnamon says:

        But Europe looks so much better and more interesting on that map than anywhere else.

        • roryok says:

          can’t you see you’ve been brainwashed into thinking that by the power elite? The only ‘cool’ thing about europe is all the cool cities, people and cultures, the coastal regions and the …

          yeah totally

        • ReV_VAdAUL says:

          I think this is the projection you chaps are looking for:

          link to i.imgur.com

        • Cinnamon says:

          We were talking about Europe, not England. What English nationalist would be happy to admit that England is even on the same continental plate as Europe.

      • Universal Quitter says:

        I really hope that’s satire I sense in your tone.

    • Metaphorazine says:

      Why do you think that north should be at the top and south should be at the bottom?

      • Mr. Mister says:

        So the Earth’s rotation speed is trigonometrically positive.
        Edit: I apologise for aby further misspellings. Android keyboard.

        • Vinraith says:

          This is the best answer. That the trigonometric convention is itself arbitrary makes no difference, it’d be hugely inconvenient to change it now.

          • Mr. Mister says:

            Exactly. The current convention is that right and up are positives, and they go in this order. I think it’s the most intuitive way, since I read from left to right before analogueing (deal with it) that I think more in terms of height than deepness.

          • Vinraith says:


      • frenz0rz says:

        So… north and south are simply human constructs. The Earth’s magnetic field is aligned top to bottom, but who’s to say what is top and what is bottom? Oh my – we’ve been conditioned people!

        Oh how I laughed at those silly ancient Egyptians who thought the world was upside down. I am sorry, ancient Egyptians! We were both right!

        • Mr. Mister says:

          Don’t bring in top and bottom, they’re the 3rd gen quarks, and I’d rather you called them truth and beauty.
          Magetic bipoles are named North and South, since tjey don’t have a sign, but a way (not sure this is tje english word for that).

          And yes, before you ask: Truthonium. It’s a thing.

      • sinister agent says:

        I remember a history class where we were shown an ancient map in (I think) Arabic, where south was upwards, because that’s just how those particular people drew their maps. About half the class simply could not get their heads around the notion that the now-standard north-is-up way is no more or less arbitrary.

        It is one of those things that makes my head go a little weird if I think about it too much. Not one to start pondering if you’re ever lost in a forest or whatever. “I need to head West, BUT EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS”.

        • acheron says:

          Maps used to be drawn with east at the top. Hence the term “orientation” to mean figuring out where you are. “Orient” = “east”; you figure out where east is and align your map, etc.

          I wrote that, then looked it up to see if I was talking out my ass or not. Conclusion: maybe. Middle-ages era maps were indeed often drawn with east at the top, but that may or may not have anything to do with the verb “orient”, which seems to be more closely related to designing your building (churches, usually) to face east. Also discovered that British people say “orientate” instead of just “orient” for some reason.

    • marbled says:

      Finally I have an excuse to share a West Wing clip on RPS:

      link to youtube.com

      It does make you think…

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Australian propaganda

    • Dances to Podcasts says:

      The amazing thing to me is that pictures from space are always the right way up.

      …Or are they?

      • Hoaxfish says:

        there’s no up in space

        • Brun says:

          I really hate it when people say this. There’s only no “up” if you are stupid and don’t choose some kind of fixed reference. The definition of any direction – in space or on Earth – is completely arbitrary and based on the selection of a (relatively) fixed reference frame.

          • Hoaxfish says:

            but then it’s only “up” in your mind, or in the agreed standard direction consensus.

          • Brun says:

            Right. But that means there’s no “up” ANYWHERE (Earth, space, etc.). Just “up” in your mind, or the agreed-upon consensus. On Earth, the definition of “up” as “away from the center of the planet” is so ubiquitous that the fact that it is arbitrary flies over the heads of many people.

          • Hoaxfish says:

            Well, I was about to say that… you know, since Earth is in Space

          • geerad says:

            Just about everything is just an agreed-upon consensus. I don’t mean to blow your mind, but money is only valuable because of an consensus. The English language is just a consensus. Clockwise to tighten is just a consensus. The way your computer interprets the bits it gets from the Internet is just an arbitrary consensus.

            What time is it? How long is a meter? What side of the road do you drive on? What country are you in? What color means stop? Is it legal to make fun of the king? ALL ARBITRARY, you imperialist pig-dog!

    • Torgen says:

      Because the banksters have turned the world on its head, man. We work for *them*, now.

      (Well, we always have, but they’re don’t even care to hide it now.)

    • ReV_VAdAUL says:

      Well it certainly seems to make the game more noticeable and get people talking.

    • terazeal says:

      My best guess is that it takes place after the next geomagnetic pole reversal

  2. The Godzilla Hunter says:

    A free game? Why, that’s capital!

  3. frightlever says:

    Microsoft Security Essentials – pretty much every other AV is a dick.

    • EPICTHEFAIL says:

      Please reread that post VERY carefully. Anyone see a problem with this?

    • IshtarGate says:

      I used to be big on MSE, but a virus slipped through and nearly set my PC with the CPU usage. Turns out it’s ranked lowest by AV-Comparatives now, too. Bye bye MSE.

      • roryok says:

        nearly set my PC with the CPU usage

        .. set it… on fire?

        • pipman3000 says:

          it’s madlibs

          I used to be big on MSE, but a virus slipped through and nearly set my PC (on a killing spree) with the CPU usage. Turns out it’s ranked lowest by AV-Comparatives now, too. Bye bye MSE

  4. kataras says:

    I come to this website to read about games not current sociopolitical affairs.

  5. Strangerator says:

    Spoiler: If you win the game you get to be the right hand of Soros!

  6. subalterngames says:

    As the creator of this game, I feel a need to weigh in on the map debate. link to subalterngames.wordpress.com

    • Mr. Mister says:

      Just cause.
      Why not laying on the side, then? Or a Peirce quincuncial projection?

      • subalterngames says:

        I didn’t even think of that. You’re probably right.

        • Mr. Mister says:

          You should offer some options: Upside-down, on the side, Peirce quincuncial… and none of them the Mercator.

  7. Joshua Northey says:

    If you have a problem with that map you don’t actually understand maps. Discussion over.

    Game looks interesting, lets hope it turns out.

  8. johnki says:

    So does anyone have any thoughts on the actual game?

    Furthermore, can you play a 2 player game, or is it ONLY 3-6 players?

    • subalterngames says:

      The game is in fact 3-6 players–there’s a lot of voting, so playing with 2 people would make about much sense (given the present mechanics) as playing Clue with 2 people.

      And yes, I too would be interested to here more from people who have played the game.

      –the person who made the game

      • johnki says:

        Alright, thanks. Makes sense. I just don’t have a third person to join, given that it’s LAN only, so I’ll probably just hold out for a version with online play support. Looks really interesting, though.