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Sex'n'Dogs'n'Wrack'n'Ruin: Total War Rome II Live

In-game footage of Total War: Rome II is being cruelly withheld until time indeterminate, but the important thing is that I’ve seen it and you haven’t, ner ner ner ner ner ner ner. Ner. I’ve even spoken to the devs about it. Ner! I suppose you deserve to see something for yourself though, even if you are a horrible person who’s going staight to hell because you were rude to that cat once.

So, here is a live-action, mood-setting, betrayal-including trailer for the Creative Assembly’s latest strategy titan, showing off the glory, folly and cruelty of the Roman empire. Warning: includes bare-naked nipples.

Haha, fooled you! I meant a man’s nipples, not a lady’s nipples! You desperate lech, you.

It’s no I, Claudius and it doesn’t really tell me anything about the game, but heck: dogs and death. I’ll take it.

Rome II is out late next year, which is of course nowhere near soon enough. Harrumph.

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Alec Meer

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Co-founder of RPS. Dungeon Keeper & X-COM 4 Life.

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