Jaws-Dropping: 007 Legends Gets Licence To Kiel

Jaws, bending the bar while lowering it.

This is a screenshot that Activision thinks will convince you to purchase 007: Legends later this year – despite the website trying its best to not tell anyone that there’s even going to be a PC version. This is a thing they believe will happen in the reality in which you live. That is all.

Well, mostly. Really the news is that as well as including several Bond adventures in one, the game will also include a few famous faces from the series; a couple from the new movies, Michael Lonsdale returning as Drax (Moonraker) and Eegah himself, Richard Kiel, presumably before Jaws got gushy over a girl and went good like a literal great big wuss.

The game also has Goldeneye/Tomorrow Never Dies scribe Bruce Fierstein on writing duties, and David Arnold on drums and any other instruments needed for the soundtrack. There are going to be five missions based on classic Bond movies, with an extra Skyfall themed one arriving some time after launch. Other names are due to be announced. Hopefully they’ll get better screenshots to announce their participation. Or indeed, not, because seeing that amazing Jaws picture in my inbox was easily the biggest laugh I’ve had all day.


  1. pmcp says:


    • SuperNashwanPower says:

      I’ve just watched a depiction of the actual Monarch of Great Britain, skydiving from a helicopter with James Bond, and which was broadcast to the entire world in the name of opening the Olympics. This was also painful and James Bond related.

      • MikoSquiz says:

        Oh, shush. The royal personage being deployed by helicopter was the best thing that’s happened so far this year. The bitter scowl on her face once she turned up was what really made it pop.

        • SuperNashwanPower says:

          I’m pretty sure I saw Philip napping at one point too :)

          • rapier17 says:

            I rather enjoyed the arrival of ‘Team GB’ and and the cameras cutting to the Queen who was cleaning her nails…

  2. MOKKA says:

    You weren’t lying.

  3. YogSo says:

    I know you’ll hate me forever if the first reply to this post is a mere ‘meh’, even if that’s the response this news is honestly provoking on me. So I’ll let this here instead:


    (Did you see what I did there? :-P )

    Edit: Ah, luckily, I wasn’t the first after all…

  4. Mrs Columbo says:

    What d’you call a James Bond villain with enormous testicles?


    • Vorphalack says:

      What d’you call a James Bond villain with steel testicles?


      No really. That’s one memory from Moonraker I can’t seem to purge.

      • Mrs Columbo says:

        Hey, I’d forgotten that. One of Roger Moore’s finest comedy reaction shots as well.

  5. RedViv says:

    Personally, I’d say that this is a Kolosal plus for the game.

  6. db1331 says:

    Do you expect me to play this?

  7. Blackcompany says:

    I’m sorry. James Bond, Vampire Hunter doesn’t interest me in the slightest.

  8. Mrs Columbo says:

    That thing that Jaws is holding is the dental dam Mrs Jaws insists on before he goes down on her.

  9. Ironclad says:

    I actually thought it was a toilet seat he was holding.

    Anyone know Freud’s phone number?

    • Mattressi says:

      I believe it’s 8008135

      • Runty McTall says:


        I must confess I alughed out loud at that. And then tried to explain to my why I was laughing… I don’t think she saw the appeal.

  10. povu says:

    Is there an eye in his mouth?

  11. Chap O says:

    He looks remarkably like a member of the Tannen clan from Telltale’s BTTF games.

  12. Om says:

    All the news on the hour, every hour

  13. magnus says:

    Bending metal bars? He’s just assembling flat-pack furniture.

  14. Xardas Kane says:

    David Arnold is doing the music? Oh man, for the past 15 years he has been THE James Bond composer. Wonderful news that he’s on board.

    As for the actual game though – meeeh…

  15. Bob says:

    “Legends Get Licence To Kiel” You score a 007 (with a degree of difficulty of 3.5) at the Pun Olympics.

  16. LionsPhil says:

    Perhaps all they can afford these days is a license for UnrealEngine 2.

  17. Xzi says:

    Me and my brother decided to rent the Goldeneye remake one night, not knowing that it was developed by Activision. The second that logo appeared on the screen, my expectations were diminished to the lowest possible level. And rightfully so. That piece of shit was not worthy of its title by any stretch of the imagination. Redone little box-like levels, weapon loadouts instead of set pickups, regenerating health…

    I would have picked up the latest installment of Call of Duty if I wanted this shit. Besides, that fanbase of drooling morons is already locked down tight. All they had to do was slap some HD textures on the existing game and add better twin-stick support. And BOOM, free money, as well as a bit of respect from those of us who aren’t casual gamers.

    Anyway, point being: never again. Activision isn’t getting another damn cent from me. Not even their ActiBlizz department. Diablo 3 was a goddamn mess too. Just as I didn’t believe anything could truly ruin Bioware until I saw EA pull it off, so too was I convinced that Blizzard would be a timeless PC developer with a continued commitment to quality and polish. It’s just a new world I guess. And it’s slowly turning me into an even more cynical and bitter asshole.

  18. linggg says:

    ==== ( link to ir.gl) =====

    ==== ( link to ir.gl) =====

  19. Tannrar says:

    Michael Shannon.

  20. brulleks says:

    I just don’t see myself Bonding with this game, and I’m not saying that purely out of spyte.

  21. Iskariot says:

    Probably another James Bond game that can be played through in 3 hours.

  22. Yglorba says:

    Man, that’s a great screenshot of some random game from 2000. I remember how graphics used to look all ridiculous and blocky like that.

    But come on, guys, enough joking around. Where’s the real screenshot?