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STRIKE! PES 2013 Shooting Hoops On 21st September

Oh good grief, not ANOTHER zombie game.

Which is your favourite foot-to-ball game? Mine is Semi-Professional Sunday Soccer V. What? Yours isn’t? YOU ARE STUPID AND WRONG! Let’s fight about this, while I chant some words to a popular 80s hit about how you are less masculine than I. Now let us consume liquid until we are ill or in prison.

It sickens me when people say RPS is out of touch. Also, PES 2013 has a release date. Is it in 2013? Don’t be silly. It’s the 21st of this very month.

Konami’s FIFA rival will appear a week ahead of EA’s franchise. In footballing terms you’d call that a mid-off shot on the nine iron. And it says it will be a “massive advance” for the little men kicking balls genre, with the introduction of something called PES Full Control. This will, they say, offer “fully manual control over every pass and shot”, which sounds enormously tricky. It’s as much as I can do to get the man to get near the ball and press A, let alone think about in which direction I’m kicking it. It will also feature Active AI (the inactive AI was famously disappointing) which will apparently make the players move and react more realistically. So presumably they’ll fall to the ground, rolling around and crying every time someone kicks a blade of grass too near to them, and then say they can’t possibly play another game because they’ve got an international match in three weeks and they need to rest.

This video is supposed to explain Full Control. It also features music that sounds a bit like when something gets stuck in my food processor:

There’s also a demo which has been out for aaaaages.

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Who am I?

John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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