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You Can Pre-Order Aliens: Colonial Marines If You Like

The start of a beautiful romance.

Here’s a good idea for a game. There’s this giant alien, like, the size of a suburb, and it’s eaten all the locals. You are a member of an elite squad of marines, and you must enter its intestines to save them. It’s called Alien’s Colonial Marines. And that, ladies and gentleman, is the difference an apostrophe can make. Another joke I would like to tell at some time in the future is when Aliens: Colonial Marines becomes cheaper but not quite cheaper enough, and I can say, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this drop.” Meanwhile, the best I can do is alert you to the knowledge that you can now pre-order the game, and that there’s a trailer telling you to do so.

Except the game’s website is very naughty, and no matter what you pick it only directs you to the pre-order for the Collector’s Edition at this point, for a rather enormous £60. (£70 on consoles, mind.) In that box you get a bunch of pretend paperwork, a box that is calling itself a “Xeno Hive”, and a power loader figurine. Toys, basically. Very expensive toys. Which is lovely. Then of course there’s the utter tedium of exclusive in-game bullshit. So you’ll get access to extra movie characters, Ripley’s flamethrower, some firing range, and oh who gives a crap. Bloody ridiculous nonsense.

Pre-order the somewhat more hidden “Limited Edition”, and you’ll pay £35, and get the same in-game rubbish that should be either in the game or not, but none of the expensive toys.

The game is out in February next year, so don’t go getting too excited just yet.

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Who am I?

John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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