Steal Incredible Prizes: Win Monaco Closed Beta Keys!

UPDATE: Andy has chose the winners. Check your email later tonight to see if you won. Winners list is here.

IGF winning heist game Monaco – which I can report is fairly brilliant – is having a closed beta. Yes, very closed, only a select few people are invited. And some of those people are you. Well, if you can be clever, anyway. Developer Andy Schatz is reading, and he’s going to pick ten commenters from this thread to receive access to the beta. The keys will be sent to your RPS-registered email address by me, so if you can’t check that for whatever reason, you might want to provide another. For your comment, please reason why you should get a key in verse. Haiku and limericks would be preferred.

Oldish Monaco footage below, too.


  1. gorzan says:

    A limerick for you:

    There was a young man on the web;
    who lacked credit, paypal or whatev’.
    His friends used to buy him
    some offers from steam,
    but for other games, he’d have to beg

  2. Magnusm1 says:

    PC gaming is dying.

  3. celluz says:

    A limerick ey?
    This will be trouble
    Lets try it this way
    With rhyming a’double.

    The art of stealing
    A mysterious one
    Begins with concealing
    And ends with a gun.

    Stay away from the fight
    The dark lets you hide
    But when there is light
    You’ll be terrified.

    Make for the prize
    Leave the vault bare
    Then with your allies
    Vanish into thin air

    A key would be sick
    For this limerick here
    And then for my next trick
    Watch me disappear

    (Gun and one rhyme)

  4. PLAPPEH says:

    Roses are red,
    violets are blue,
    give me a key.

  5. One Cold Canuck says:

    There’s this great game, Monaco,
    It’s the talk of the town, don’t ya know?
    If I had a key,
    I could steal with glee!
    If I didn’t that surely would blow!

  6. Artist says:

    Hear me out: If I dont get a key I will shoot this puppy!
    What? You dont care? Imagine this would be your puppy!
    Does it make a difference now? Good, so hand me out the key with an unmarked serial number at midnight!

  7. exodu says:

    Elegant design.
    I promise to enter bugs.
    If any are found.

  8. NTom64 says:

    Monaco – playing in the dead of night
    Take these shiny things and learn to fly
    ‘Cause all my life
    My TV was smaller than I really would have liked.

  9. Deathmaster says:

    Haikus to illustrate your self-proclaimed wit? How sad.

    Well Andy, just pick me, for I am wittier than the 95% who follow the herd by writing a bloody haiku just because the first sheep did. Oh, right, “please!”.

    • dysphemism says:

      Calling people sheep
      You are a unique snowflake
      With rapier wit

  10. jussipe says:

    I took part in a robbery
    but I ended up in a shrubbery
    at least I didn’t have to jeopardize my willy
    this poem turned out be quite silly

  11. paymentplan says:

    Hey Andy I know you wanna let a Cum Sex Succa like me into the closed beta!

  12. mineshaft says:

    There once was an RPS yankee
    With a hankerin for heist hankee pankee
    So please pause your ruttin
    And press the send button
    And I’ll go a-thievin and thankee

  13. dysphemism says:

    I’d rather a thief than a beggar be
    So let’s ennoble this humble plea
    I promise, from here on out
    It’s the larceny route
    I just need one beta key…

    Help a guy down on his luck pull himself up by someone else’s bootstraps?

  14. JamesBlunt says:

    ‘ I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful it’s true. ‘

  15. muther22 says:

    If I were to have
    a Monaco beta key
    I would be gladdened.

  16. joshjamestaylor says:

    Deep, my excitement
    Long, I anticipated
    A key I require

  17. tetracycloide says:

    A verily the lord spokith unto Andy Schatz, “Be not afraid my child for I come to you with tidings of great joy, today in the comments of Rock, Paper, Shotgun is the commenter tetracycloide and he will be a great boon to your beta test so you should totally give him a beta key why not, verily.” – Book of Beta Chapter 9 Verses 8 to 27

  18. Radclyffe says:

    My theft is discreet
    They just handed me a key
    Social Engineer

  19. Shodex says:

    Monaco seems great,
    Much unlike my poor haiku,

  20. popedoo says:

    if i was clever,
    i’d pull a lever,
    which caused my wit
    to untether

    then i’d be free
    to write with glee
    and readers would die
    from the comedy

    i love Garrett,
    and shooting a barrett
    but my interest in Monaco
    is quite disparate

    please let me play
    so i can relay
    my love for the game
    such that others may pay

    (you money for their copy when its released)

  21. jerbatim says:

    Without Monaco
    There is no room for loving
    This true comment wins

  22. abandonhope says:

    Light and dark make for
    Some really cool mechanics
    Shadows in the Woods

  23. coveleski says:

    Monaco says “What’s yours is mine”.
    So give me a key. Before I take it from you.

  24. tumbleworld says:

    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    But he was a vile degenerate.
    Monaco looks lovely.
    Good luck with the beta.
    I do actually rather like limericks.

    Back to Guild Wars 2!

  25. DiGi says:

    From the View of God or bird,
    I want to be first and not third!
    With my friends I do big boom bang,
    and we are able to break any bank!
    With my courage I cross any line,
    remember: what´s yours is always mine!

  26. pharaohwizard says:

    I don’t always try to pull out some history on something like this but I did give you a bottle to booze at the 2011 PAX for being my favourite game 2 years running.

    I still can’t wait to just have this game and learn some strategy instead of just the running around like lunatics.

    • AndySchatz says:

      Oh man, well I have to follow my own rules on this one and pick the poets! BUT, I’ll be adding more soon, message me on twitter or something and I’ll add you to the next round.

  27. Viper50BMG says:

    I’d love a game about thievin’,
    So a beta key you’ll be leavin’.
    We’ll get in and get out,
    With no messing about,
    Whilst a whole ton of loot be Achievin’!

  28. Acaz says:

    There once was a young man named Andy,
    Who, at programming, really was handy,
    He’s made this great game,
    And received some fame,
    It’s finally in beta! How dandy!

  29. StaphiX says:

    All right stop!,
    Collaborate and Listen,
    Shatz is Back with a sweet propostion,
    Suddenly! I’m asking him nicely,
    Let me play monaco daily and nightly!
    Will I get In?
    Yo, I don’t know?
    So what if he’s not Jonathan Blow!
    Been waiting to play so long its hard to handle,
    Let me wax those french chumps like a candle?

  30. agrabren says:

    This is me,
    On my knees,
    Begging Please,
    For a key.

    To sneak around,
    The cops abound,
    Without a sound,
    My theft, profound.

    My crime complete
    Of traps I beat
    No witnesses found
    Or heard a sound
    Crept in my playa
    Onto the beta

  31. Malkara says:

    I shall have no shame
    performing like a monkey
    in hope of a key.

  32. Pluot says:

    There once was a thief debonair,
    who stole on a heist an eclair-
    when finally caught,
    he had a great thought,
    and ate he the whole damn affair.

  33. Coccyx says:

    Stealing, co-op wealth
    Rich, yet value in taking
    Not in the taken

  34. celozzip says:

    i’m not entering the contest, but is there a due date in mind? christmas maybe? on steam perhaps??

  35. Korveker says:

    I refuse to do a poem,
    This guy I don’t know him,
    If I get into the beta,
    We’ll be besties for eva.
    What’s his shall be mine,
    Just give it some time…

    … crap.

  36. suavemike says:

    Locksmith, Pickpocket
    Lookout, Hacker,Gentlemen
    Hacker, Cleaner, Mole

  37. Jakkar says:

    There once was a game-dev named Andy,
    Whose work made me terribly randy,
    With a zebra or lion, or a hippo named Brian,
    My Venture was unusually sandy.

    Upon Venturing up to the Arctic, however,
    desires ‘came somewhat anarchic, though clever,
    I mounted a bear – how the Inuit stared!
    .. and my passport was stamped ‘Again? NEVER.’.

    Accused and arraigned, my reputation stained.
    Retreat is my only recourse …
    To Monaco flee, before Greenpeace catch me!
    Or find out what I did to that horse…

    … so Pocketwatch Games, Mister Schatz! in a name –
    Be heroic? Grant me sanctuary?
    From those who don’t understand – the need of a man,
    to show love for creatures that are hairy D:

    TL;DR? In other words I will publically debase myself for the chance to help test your game. I’ve been rather sad at the Monacosilence in recent months – had I the equipment at the time I’d have submitted some voice samples when you were seeking actors – last year I think?

    I want to contribute something at least – yes, I’m entirely selfless. Me, want to play Monaco early? Perish the thought. I’m just a really nice person. *cough*

  38. Gnashy says:

    Red autumn sun floats above
    bleak mountain vistas
    key unlocks the constrained soul

    Locksmith steals into Redheads room
    As the Prowler slips on Fruit of the Looms
    Hacker and Cleaner peep as things heat up
    While Gentleman and Rat sip from their cup
    And the excited Muscle explodes with a boom.

  39. Stinkfinger75 says:

    Consults pocketwatch
    Closed beta here, key pilfered
    Monaco is mine

  40. zemerson says:

    Monaco should be mine
    For it to not would be a worse crime
    So if I get to play, oh baby, then that’s
    awesome cause Andy is the Schatz.

  41. RustedApple says:

    I will faint for sure
    If a key is given to me

  42. grandmastersmash says:

    Monaco is sweet
    I want to eat some chicken
    Rainbow disco meat

  43. Glycerine says:

    To be given a Monaco key,
    oh would indubitably be,
    more bit.trip than runner,
    more sunny than summer,
    and more heisty and feisty than VVVVV.

  44. fearghaill says:

    At end of day one I was mourning,
    for a heist cut short with scant warning
    for a game unreleased
    at the PAX in the east
    I returned to the booth in the morning

  45. dark4k says:

    I am very excited for Monaco
    just continue to read and I’ll show

    You can steal
    And shoot
    But don’t make a deal
    Take your own loot

    You can steal from banks
    And rob the bars
    Be careful of the shanks
    And be sure to have a getaway car

    This is the end for now
    I suppose I’ll take a bow

  46. grifta67 says:

    Cleaner, Redhead, Locksmith, Mole
    Empty the vault, fill your bag whole.

    Gentleman, Hacker, Hobo go!
    Grab the loot, then stay down low.

  47. Luringen says:

    Monaco Monaco
    Monaco Monaco Monaco
    Monaco Monaco


  48. Javier says:

    “Give me ma own key
    Or I promise thee, taffer
    I’ll pirate this piece”

    – The Web Buccaneer Book of Tenets.

  49. Mammux says:

    If I get into the closed beta I will buy my son the dog he always wanted.


  50. tobecooper says:

    ((after William Carlos Williams))

    This is just to say

    I haven’t played
    the game
    that is in
    the beta

    and which
    you are probably
    saving for
    the launch

    Forgive me,
    it looks delicious
    so sweet
    and so cool