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David Icke's Total War

TOTAL LIZARD

“The world is so crazy that it is considered ‘controversial’ to call for an end to people killing each other, but not to make money from selling video games about Total War.” This is why former TV sports pundit and nemesis of the giant lizards that secretly control society, David Icke, is very cross that he’s not been allowed to use a piece of music from Total War in his stage shows. While the notorious Icke might have become a lecturer on all manner of conspiracy theory-based socio-political topics since his, uh, awakening, he’s unlikely to ever escape the lizard-shaped albatross that he hung around his own neck back in 1999. Or the thing about being the son of God. Or the thing about how we’re all being remote-controlled by the moon. Or the thing about how Bush, Blair, the Queen and chums are holograms.

Or… well, anyway, SEGA/CA own the rights to ‘anti-war song’ We Are All One by Angela & Jeff van Dyck (as used in Medieval: Total War II), which Icke had hoped to use in his upcoming talk/show at Wembley, ‘Remember Who You Are.’ They’ve since blocked this from happening.

Their reasoning, he claims, was because they don’t much fancy being associated with a controversial figure. In an angry statement on his website, written all in bold, he seems convinced that ‘controversial’ refers only to his planned anti-war arguments, rather than, y’know, the lizard stuff. Moreover, he’s disgusted that a company that makes games about Total War would a) make money from this activity and b) hold the rights to an anti-war song.

“And they say that I’m mad?”

It’s because they’re all lizards at the Creative Assembly, Dave. Historic West Sussex market town Horsham is famous for its reptilian population, after all. In fact, former RPS contributor Al Bickham now works at CA, and I can tell you for a fact that he has a forked tongue and sheds his skin every Summer Solstice.

Here’s the song in question, in the form of an unofficial fan-made video.

Icke comments upon the unfairness of this song being freely-available on YouTube, but seems unaware that something being on YouTube very rarely means permission was granted by the license-holder. He calls for his fans to pester a bunch of poor folk at SEGA and CA about this, publicly providing their email addresses to this end. He, if you will, declares total war on them. HOW IRONIC.

And here’s Icke’s full statement. He’d like you to spread it far and wide.

Thanks, Kieran W.

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Alec Meer

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Co-founder of RPS. Dungeon Keeper & X-COM 4 Life.

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