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Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax Ultimate Boy

That is the name of an actual videogame that exists.If you’re wondering why it has enough titles for roughly 60 games, it’s because Half Minute Hero‘s actually made up of, well, roughly 60 games. They don’t, however, take half a life to finish, because each one is – yes – 30 seconds long. And really, what else can you even do in 30 seconds? Water a plant? Pet a cat? Wait precisely that long for your coffee to cool and then still burn yourself anyway? No thanks. I think I’ll just save the entire world instead. Or maybe eat a cookie. Hm, this is a dilemma.

If you hadn’t already guessed, HMHSMNCUB is a remarkably silly thing. It’s like the first time you realized putting a video on fast-forward (with sound, naturally) is pure comedy gold. It’s a JRPG minus all the long-winded spurts of melodramatic cheese and tedious pitter-patter patty-cake battles. Battles unfold in the blink of an eye, and every single segment gets its own credits sequence. For some reason, that joke never stops being funny.

And while the series may have originated on the PSP of all things, the Steam version’s definitely not lacking for content. HMHSMNCUB includes all content from every handheld/console version, including a 300 second final chapter and Knight 30, Hero 30, and Evil Lord 30 bonus modes. There are also leaderboards for each.

You can grab HMHSMNCUB now on Steam for a discounted $8.99, if it sounds up your alley. Then you can try to pronounce that acronym phonetically, black out from senses-overwhelming pain, and realize that yeah, OK, maybe you should’ve just gone with the cookie.

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Nathan Grayson

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