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Cardboard Children - Kickstarter (Sigh)

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Hello youse,

Having played exactly NO board games this week, because of work and Dishonored, I come to you empty-handed. I have no new board games to recommend. Your money is safe for one week. OR IS IT? I’ve spoken before about my mistrust of Kickstarter. I just feel icky and weird about it. I veer between “Fucking Parasites!” and “Oh coooool!” But my mistrust is making me feel like a party-pooper, so I’ve decided to join the rest of those idiots and back something. Join me as I take a look at some of the board games we could back right now on Kickstarter. And join me in making the leap. Let’s back a potential turkey!
SALEM

There’s not long left for Salem to reach its target, and I hope it does, because the designer looks like a lovely guy and he has a cat and a nice house and nice hair. The game’s theme really appeals to me, because we all know that HANGING IS FUN. Seriously, though, that theme is something different, and is the kind of thing that the ghouls I play games with could really get into. On the Kickstarter page, it’s been claimed that the game has been well playtested, and the rules are there for you to read. There’s a nice little video too, where you can see the dude’s cat and his sweet tattoo, and a little walkthrough of how the game plays. Hmmm…. Yeah. MAYBE I’LL BACK IT. Take a look. Yay or nay?

HEAVEN

Heaven is in here because I kinda feel like I should back something that I would ordinarily never back in a million years. I also feel like it’s in the spirit of Kickstarter to just help a person achieve their dream, if that person is passionate and the project really matters to them. Heaven seems to be a board game about travelling through Bible stuff. As the Kickstarter page says – “The cards and board tell you 90% what to do so its easy to jump in and play. Now you can have fun traveling through time in a sort of living Bible.” I’m a little bit worried about that 90%. I hope there’s something that comes with the cards and board that explain the missing 10% of the rules or we’re fucked.

Look, I’m not a religious guy. And I have zero interest in traveling through any Bible, living or dead. But there’s something so awesome about that page, and I feel like flinging some money in. This is my favourite part – “In development I was asked “why camels why not sheep” so I’ll say it here. I decided sheep were not strong enough to hold the interest of boys in HEAVEN’s age group.” Exactly. Sheep suck.

Well, what say you? Please don’t watch the video, it will give you nightmares.

SEA HORSE RACE

Wow. There’s something lovely about seeing a family’s own board game on Kickstarter. I mean, that’s what this is, right? It’s a board game that a family made for themselves to play, with all the cruelty that families enjoy. Watch the video. This game looks like a SON OF A BITCH. There are parts of the board that can have you “going round and round for the rest of the game” and squares that send you so far backwards that it’s “almost like starting over”. This game looks like hell on earth. Maybe we should back it. Do you know what I mean? Maybe this is exactly the kind of thing we should back. How weird would it be to pay money to have our own copy of some stranger’s family’s board game? Like, a game THEY probably hate playing. How cool would that be? Listen, I’m trying to get into the Kickstarter spirit. Please talk me out of backing this, because right now it seems like a good idea.

Here’s the best part of the game, according to the creator. “The best part of the game is it is never the same, you could be in first all the way through the game and end up last at the end. It could only be fifteen minutes or could last up to an hour and a half.” How honest is that? That’s the BEST part of the game? I think I NEED this.

PURGE: SINS OF SCIENCE

Hey, PC Gamers! Now we’re talking. A card game that plays like an RTS? Okay. Great art? Yes. Does it still feel like a gamble? Absolutely. Do we care? Yes, a bit. But it DOES look beautiful, and there are no fucking camels in it. The thing about card games like this, though, is that the proof of the pudding is really in the playing. These things NEED to play well. You can have a lot of fun with even crappy little combat games with cool miniatures and dice to throw, but with card games everything has to shine or you just want to fling the whole deck into the fire. This is a REAL risk, but the art is lovely, and it looks like there has been a bit of love and care put into this project. I dunno. Is this the one we back?

WHAT WE BACKING?

Yeah, I’ve just picked out a few for us to look at, but there are a lot more on Kickstarter if you want to take a look. I want to back something. Right now I’m leaning towards Salem, because the concept seems solid, the theme is nice, and the dude seems lovely. Is there anything I’ve missed? Are you backing anything? And if you’ve backed something in the past and have the game in your hands by now, do you regret doing it? How did it work out for you?

(Did you watch that video for Heaven? Holy shit.)

NEXT WEEK

If everything works out, next weekend is THE BIG ONE.

Next week – CITY OF HORROR.

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Robert Florence

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