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This Game Has A 'Quip' Button: Major Hertz

Slow Motion? Pfft, anyone can do that. Here's Major Hertz flying through the air in No Motion.

Yes, a “quip” button. Simply press Q and your burly space commando with a heart of gold and a gun of gun will grumble out a clumsy one-liner worthy of Sylvester Stallone himself. Which is to say, “Wait, what’d he just say?” Oh, but Major Hertz has other things too. Good things! While its incredibly overt parody of Biff McBlastochin games and film is worthy of quite a few chuckles, it’s actually a pretty novel take on over-the-top manshootery in its own right. Basically, it’s a parody game that’s actually fun. Imagine that.

Plenty of shooters can be described as extremely linear rollercoasters, but Major Hertz is actually a mega-linear rollercoaster ride – in a good way. In short, it’s all about high-speed forward motion. I pretty much ended up boosting all the time, which then led to topsy-turvy ceiling skating antics, weapon power-ups, and a higher score each time I mowed down the better part of humanity like an 18-wheeler through a field of defenseless daisies.

Also, a tip: ramps are your friend. Because they’re super rad and make slow-mo happen. What are the ’90s doing in my self-proclaimed “’80s badass simulator”? I have no idea, but I’m certainly not complaining.

So yes, everything blows up, baddies’ tiny score-shaped souls ascend to the glorious nirvana that is your point total, and then it all ends. Really quickly, actually – especially since I don’t think it’s really possible to die. Then again, Major Hertz is a student project, so I can’t fault it too much for being light on content. All told, it’s (slightly janky) high-speed fun for its incredibly short duration, so I’d love to see the idea expanded upon. Also, the quip button. God, this world needs more quip buttons.

Huh, sorry, what’s that? Ah, OK. Major Hertz himself just told me to send you off with this incredibly heartfelt message: “Hmmunrmuh… ruminahbuh… mykinda… space.” So… yep.

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Nathan Grayson

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