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The British Are Coming! World Of Tanks Stiffens Upper Lip

Tanks: like, the scariest thing there is.

I was thinking, seeing that World Of Tanks has unveiled its 8.1 update with accompanying video, that this isn’t a Halloweeny thing. What are they doing releasing it today? And then it occurred to me: tanks are actually scary. Ghosts and monsters may be the more traditional source of chills, but their overall efficacy at being frightening is somewhat limited by their not existing. Tanks exist. They blow people up. They could blow you up. Thanks are fucking terrifying. Everyone: dress up as a tank tonight.

The latest update to the extraordinarily popular MMO primarily includes something I’m horrified wasn’t there before: British tanks. Distinguishable by their hefty handlebar moustaches, and running on milky tea, British tanks’ only weakness is the need to apologise both before and after firing. Quite how accurately they’ll be depicted by the game is unclear, but I’m having trouble spotting those nose-wigs.

The Royal Tank Corps brings with it 22 of her majesty’s finest angry hulks, including the Crusader, Centurion Mk III, and Conqueror. Along with those come three new premium tanks, the Soviet tank destroyer SU-122-44 (as my first daughter will be called), the Panther M-10, and the Pz IV Schmalturm. Also promised is improved rendering of the maps, and improvements to both tank and camouflage graphics. And there are a few new battle modes, we’re told.

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John Walker

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One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I tried to leave, but they won't let me. If anyone reads this, please send help.

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