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You Simulator: Pro Gamer

At least I'm not fat! Yet.

Do you want to earn money from playing videogames, but haven’t yet been able to arrange sponsorship by a manufacturer of processed corn snacks? Now you can, from the comfort of your own home! All you need is a stool, a television and the willingness to not move for hours at a time!

Free browser game Pro Gamer: The Game is the life you’ve always dreamed of!

It’s a game about gaming, and picked up a prize at the recent Brazilian International Games Festival. You play as a fat guy who sits in his spartan, lonely aparatment, playing an assortment of Atari-era classics and what appears to be Canabalt. Up, down, left, right and space control the tiny green-screen action, whose sprites are a whole lot more mobile than the corpulent player is.

The more times he wins, the more money he earns. This money can only be spent on upgrades to his gaming setup – or ‘battlestation’, as it’s referred to with arch-snark. He plays so that he can earn so that he can play. It’s absurd. It’s horrible.

Obviously I can’t stop playing it. I need that better chair, that bigger TV, that fast food, that Mario cap. I am spurred on – PUMPED – by the ridiculous you-go-hero soundtrack. I must play more!

So I am that man, sat there on his chair, playing playing playing playing at the expense of everything else in life. Indeed, most of the disposable income I earn from writing about videogames for a living is spent on devices that can play videogames.

I’m just going to pop out for a walk now. Hope you don’t mind.

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Who am I?

Alec Meer


Ancient co-founder of RPS. Long gone. Now mostly writes for rather than about videogames.

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