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Rude Health: Involuntary Runner

Disclaimer: I am rubbish at this. Terrible. Watching me attempt to get my head around Involuntary Runner is like watching a monkey build an atom bomb. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t accidentally set myself on fire as I clumsily attempt to coax my runner into action. The goal is simple: you have a runner, a man who you have to help run as far as he can. I’ll bet you’re waiting for a twist to come, yeah? Well here it is: you don’t directly control the runner, but you do have to keep his organs in good health. That means maintaining a steady rate of breathing, heart beat, while making sure he eats his food and controls his emissions. Yes, that last word means exactly what you think it means. Farts!
This is QWOP, after it hopped in a teleporter with Canabalt and an organy mess spilled out the other side. The element of inherent slapstick isn’t there, but it’s still awfully challenging.

You need to regulate breathing and heart-beat, which means just tapping away at two different keys. But your heart needs a faster pace to survive than the lungs, and the complicated concentration involved in just making that happen has already broken me. I can’t do it with any degree of skill. I think I killed him twice before taking more than twenty steps. There’s an added complication, where your runner grabs food. You regularly need to mash the space key to digest what he’s gorged on, while timing his bottom burps to help him jump over gaps.

Here it is with unfortunately gross trailer music over the top.

It’s several hours after lunchtime, but this is the perfect distraction from work that’s probably more difficult than your actual job.

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Craig Pearson

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