For a while there, I thought we were going to find RAGE on some trashy “What ever happened to… ?” television special. It’d have been huddled in the back of a barely lit trailer, clad in a grease-and-sweat-stained bathrobe and wolfing down an entire carton of metropolitan ice cream. “I coulda been somethin’,” it’d have said between chunky mouthfuls. “I coulda gone places. But then id got all distant, and everyone forgot about me.” Then: warm salty tears, pitter-pattering into the sticky sugar soup below. That depressing reality, however, is no longer our own. After leaving RAGE untouched for a year, id’s finally returned to its not-so-deserted deserts. The result? A brand new, six-area DLC tale called “Scorchers.” Sweet, sweet deets after the break.
As it turns out, there’s quite a lot to this relatively inexpensive ($4.99) expansion. Here are the main beats:
“In this brand-new adventure spanning six all-new areas, you will fight alongside new allies to defend the Hager Settlment from a maniacal bandit clan known as The Scorchers. Along the way, you’ll participate in a new season of Mutant Bash TV, encounter new mini-games, and wield the overpowering and brutal Nailgun.”
On top of all that, there’s also a new Ultra-Nightmare difficulty mode – for when normal nightmares just won’t do the job. A new Extended Play mode, meanwhile, allows you to keep playing after RAGE’s credits role, ensuring that yours will be the most impressive collection of optional doodads in all the land.
It’ll be out next week, so you won’t have to wait long at all to get in the way of the Scorchers’ “deadly plot to destroy the Wasteland.” Which is a bit silly, because the Wasteland’s already pretty well destroyed by my estimate. I mean, isn’t that just overkill? At what point will crazy, thematically united bandits’ destruction lust be sated? How far must they go?