Captain’s Log: Woodcutter Simulator 2013

It’s been a while since we last reviewed a Woodcutter Simulator game. Mr Stone found it disappointing, and couldn’t see the wood for the trees, saying things like “Woodcutter Simulator can do weirdness, but not the good organic kind.” Perhaps this can be changed in 2013, then, as the latest iteration of this lumberjacked offering arrives to boast “a raft of new features including challenging missions, a day and night cycle, realistic weather effects as well as new forest areas.” No word on weirdness, organic or otherwise. For some reason publishers see fit to leave that out of their game information. Hm.

Trailer below.


  1. FurryLippedSquid says:

    I can take or leaf that, tbh.

  2. dogsolitude_uk says:

    I’m genuinely curious: how poplar are these sim games?

    • Gap Gen says:

      I liked them at first but I’m sycamore of them coming out every year.

      • DellyWelly says:


        • Lambchops says:

          Gosh, I look stupid having not read the whole comment thread. I though I was being extra clever too!

        • Llewyn says:

          Somewhere (everywhere?) Horace is frantically scribbling out another entry to make room for Gap Gen on his private Important Advent Calendar of Puns.

          Back on topic, it sequoia-t time for game news if this is getting featured on RPS.

    • TyrOvC says:

      Oh no, the pun threads got cut in two!

  3. Tukuturi says:

    I tried to come up with a pun using “lateral meristem,” but I couldn’t. Maple something will come to me later.

    • The Random One says:

      I can’t believe there are tree pun threads already.

  4. Lev Astov says:

    I find it difficult to believe games like this are real. Someone buys this? Fascinating.

    That said, I’d probably be interested in a stonecutting simulator, complete with quarry. That’s essentially what Minecraft is, though.

  5. mrmalodor says:

    Does this game have a branching storyline?

    • Canadave says:

      That would certainly spruce up the gameplay a bit, wouldn’t it?

  6. Rao Dao Zao says:

    I like how they mention “day/night” cycle and then don’t show any night shots.

    Also, does the 2013 look badly shooped onto the logo to anyone else?

  7. Berzee says:

    For best results follow this up with a few minutes of BLACK BELT SORVI HERO and imagine that you are taking the lumber all the way from raw material to finished product.

  8. captain nemo says:

    Would be better as a firs person shooter

  9. oxykottin says:

    This game gives me wood!