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Magical: Monkey Island's Insult Swordfighting For Browser

I am rubber, you're a cow. Also, something about feather dusters.

It is one of the industry’s greatest crimes, I think, that the majority of games with swordfighting don’t include any sort of insult component. I mean, seriously: what happened? Where did we go wrong? I like to imagine that, off in some wonderful alternate dimension, things went the opposite way. People traded swords for words, and dairy farmers the world over reported an all-time low of self-esteem. In the dreary, sass-less dystopia we call reality, however, there is one shimmering lighthouse beacon of hope: a free browser-based version of Monkey Island 1 and 3’s classic variations on the theme. We can only pray that everyone who’s even the least bit interested in the oh-so-sensual art of swapping steel takes note this time around.

The browser game itself is, of course, pretty simple. After a brief, nostalgia-baiting introduction, Guybrush is able to test the sharpness of his wits against the barbed wordblades of various foes – collecting and applying the insult repertoires from Monkey Island 1, Monkey Island 3, or both at the same time. Also, lest you fear that your fond memories deceive you, know that the deeply hurtful back-and-forths are just as charming as ever.

So yes, hop to it. In fact, hopping – that most docile and bunny-like of actions – might not get you to your e-destination quickly enough, given that this project’s unofficial, and Disney’s monolithic Mordorian eye sees all. Personally, I’m crossing my fingers that this one’s able to stick around (especially since that’d leave the door open for more fan-based projects), but I’m not getting my hopes up.

If, however, my pessimism turns out to be unwarranted, can someone please do basically this, only multiplayer? Or can we just generally have more competitive wordplay in our games? I don’t always want to be shouting instead of shooting, but you know, sometimes.

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Nathan Grayson

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