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CLOSEDBETAFACE

This is completely inaccurate! The Nintendo 3DS so doesn't require 3D glasses. Get it together, Crytek. Jeez.

Here at RPS, we like to have a little fun every once in a while, but it’s time for real talk: Warface is no laughing matter. It afflicts several billion people per day, and chronic Warface has stumped even the techno-magic of modern medicine for years. Recently, it took Alec from us. Now he just sits in a corner all day, banging his head against the wall and mumbling about how he “must forever live in the shadow of his own Sistine Chapel.” And well, you’ve seen what it does to RPS comment threads. Really, it’s a misnomer: Warface is actually a disease of the mind. An apparition of the soul. Friends don’t let friends face Warface face war war war face far wace wa rface w arfac e.

W… who am I? I’ve suddenly forgotten everything about myself. Oh, but I do have this note saying Warface is now in closed beta. Seems innocent enough.

So servers are now live, and you can take a shot at joining by signing up over at Warface’s official website. Be warned, however: it features a military man contemplatively staring at a dust-and-ash-coated skull in a distinctly Shakespearean fashion. Try not to get distracted by that, though. Otherwise, you’ll never be able to sign up, play, and find out what whiplash-inducing twists of dramatic circumstance brought him to that sobering point.

From the sound of things, the beta includes both standard manshoot-y PvP and a “frequently updated” co-op PvE universe. “Why do we war?” I hope its characters query of their unthinking skull sidekicks. “And indeed, why do we face?”

At any rate, Crytek’s giant leap into its much-vaunted free-to-play future begins here, so I imagine it’ll be pouring quite a lot of time and money into this one’s success. For its part, the closed beta is running until some nebulous day in “spring 2013,” at which point it’ll officially launch for everyone. And on that day– WAIT. I remember! I’m Nathan Grayson. I used to be someone. I used to be an actual human being – not a puppet for this insidious w… wuh… wuh… wuh.

Warface? Warface. Warface!

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Nathan Grayson

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