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Aliens: Colonial Marines Trailer Heavy On The "Colon"

Ahem.

The latest trailer for Aliens: Colonial Marines has the worst – and I mean the worst – voiceover script I have ever heard. So bad, and so badly delivered, I cannot help myself but transcribe it in its entirety, and present it to you in the form of poetry.

Listen up marines
Rhino-Two-Three ran into a shitstorm
aboard the USS Sulaco
Now we gotta pull them out of the fire
We don’t leave marines behind

Now
anybody in their right mind
would hop the next transport home

But you’re not in your right mind
You’re in the corps
So here’s what you’re going to do

First
If it moves
Kill it

If it’s not moving
Kill it again

Second
You’ve each got more fire power
than an army platoon
So use it
All of
it

Third
You don’t die
Unless I give you a direct order

And remember
We’re not just fighting
for the human race

We’re fighting for the title of baddest motherfuckers in the galaxy.
That’s a battle I intend
to win

*click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click*

Edit:

Oh, this is brill. The writer of the game, Mikey Neumann, has disowned this trailer, and promised that the dialogue is not from the game!

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John Walker

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One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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