Not pictured: everything on fire, everyone dead

Things that would happen in the best of all possible worlds:

– Cats would empty their own litter trays
– Israel and Palestine would mutually agree “screw it, let’s have a fancy dress party instead”
– People would read the article before commenting
– McVities would bring back Marmite-flavoured Mini Cheddars
– LEGO approves and manufactures this proposed FTL building set

LEGO Cuusoo is the community project-voting system which brought about the official LEGO Minecraft set last year. While FTL isn’t anything like the pop-cultural giant Mojang’s game is, I reckon it’s got enough of a following to make this plausible. Also, its chunky, reconfigurable spaceships and cutsey crew would seem to fit the LEGO ideals and aesthetic to a galactic tee.

I don’t know how many votes are needed for the great LEGO gods to raise their infinite yellow heads from the beneath the seas of Denmark and nod in almighty approval, but I’m pretty sure the at-the-time-of-writing 144 won’t be enough. So, get on it! The proposed project even includes Mantis and Engi crew members in addition to semi-iconic spacecraft such as the Kestrel.

Of course, if it’s anything like the Minecraft set it’ll be pornographically overpriced if it does happen. I went into a LEGO store with the express intention of buying one a couple of weeks ago, and my bellow of outrage when the shop assistant brought it over to me caused him to physically recoil. Sure, it looks relatively reasonable on the site, but when you actually see the thing the box is about the size of a kitten’s head. Dear Mr and Mrs LEGO, you are primarily a children’s toy, not a cuboid Faberge egg. Please remember this.

Thanks for the tip, Arthur.


  1. GameStunts says:

    I didn’t like Marmite-flavoured Mini Cheddars, now what does the rest of this article say…

    • KikiJiki says:

      Anyone that likes marmite is a troglodyte.

      It rhymes, therefore it is truth.

      • Stranglove says:

        Anyone who to marmite would quoth ‘I decline’
        Must surely be considered a philistine

        • Lanfranc says:

          Sir, I beg your pardon if I digress
          from the discussion, but I must confess:
          A single whiff of Marmite certainly will drive
          any man of taste to utter distress.

          • jkz says:

            Anything in moderation, just don’t spread it on like it’s fugging jam.

          • Ergates_Antius says:

            Pfft! If it’s not burning your tongue, you’re doing it wrong…

  2. BobbyDylan says:

    TL: DR.

  3. bleeters says:

    I need this in my life.

  4. TechnicalBen says:

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *dribbles* gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

    That was the literal noise I made when I saw this. I WILL BUY THIS. That is the most awesome and cutest lego ever!

  5. Jams O'Donnell says:

    This is very nice & as a big FTL fan I’d contemplate getting it if the price was right* and it makes me want to link my preferred LEGO porn — the site will eat up your day if you’re of a LEGO-y disposition, especially if you like mecha and spaceships: http://www.brothers-brick.com

    * it won’t be — Cuusoo stuff always seems overpriced**

    ** or at least that’s what you think before you realise that all LEGO is overpriced now

    • DrAmateurScience says:

      I nearly clicked that link. But then I remembered that I need to be productive today.

    • RaiderJoe says:

      LEGO has always been overpriced, at least as long as I’ve been aware of them (admittedly not very long, as I’m only a teenager.) But it seems that CUUSO is especially so; maybe they make them in smaller batches?

      • Tams80 says:

        I wouldn’t say LEGO is overpriced considering the quality of it. I’ve never had a bad new brick. Ones that are old and have been chewed on, sure aren’t great (though usually still work), but new bricks are just fine. Compare to say Megablox or whatever it’s called and you can clearly see the difference.

    • Optimaximal says:

      LEGO isn’t actually overpriced. Your perception of reality and money has just changed.

      link to therealityprose.wordpress.com

      • Jams O'Donnell says:

        No, I just didn’t have to buy my own LEGO as a child. Stupid growing up, man. It ruins everything.

      • Universal Quitter says:

        Fuck your statistics. I remember the day LEGOs doubled in price, quite clearly, when the lady at Rite-AID explained to 10-year old me that they would no longer sell “opened items” for half-price, but that she would be glad to fetch me an unopened one.

        Apparently, they had started to get suspicious…

      • Joshua Northey says:

        That is really a tremendous article. I remember those castle/pirate legos from 1989-1992 or so so fondly, though I was wise enough about money to know even then (around age 9) that my grandparents were blowing unconscionable amounts of money on them.

      • finbikkifin says:

        Also, wage stagnation is really screwing a lot of people.

    • squareking says:

      Also consider that Lego are pretty precisely engineered/machined and colors don’t fade (on the whole). Sure, they’re making bank but it’s a quality product.

    • drakkenson says:

      @* it won’t be — Cuusoo stuff always seems overpriced**

      “Cuso” means “Oh Shit” in Japanese… :)

  6. rustybroomhandle says:

    It needs big build versions of the ships, complete with different rooms.

    • Hoaxfish says:

      and a way for it to graceful break into each piece when you want to destroy it

  7. randomkeyhits says:

    McVities would bring back Branston-flavoured Mini Cheddars

    Fixed it for you……

    • MadJax says:

      They still make branston mini cheddars, I had a bag the other day. Bring back the marmite ones!

  8. Lambchops says:

    They’ve really engi-neered a great idea for Lego there.

  9. Solidstate89 says:

    To hell with the FTL ship, there’s a Macross Valkyrie that’s up for proposal. Who do I have to throw money at to get that thing accepted by LEGO?

  10. DannyMB says:

    Even if this gets to 10,000 votes, i can’t see it getting past the review stage. I’ve no doubt the FTL devs would be happy licensing Lego their stuff, but its just not a big enough franchise for Lego to be interested in.

    I really wish the makers of these custom models would release the build instructions and parts list instead, so I can just go and make them myself regardless of what official sets Lego release.

    And if you want to get into the custom Lego scene, bricklink.com is the place to go to buy individual parts.

    • RaiderJoe says:

      I think that’s the point of the 10,000 likes system; I assume LEGO estimates that somewhere below that 10000 number is how many they need to sell for it to be worthwhile. The problem is going to be actually GETTING that many votes.

      • Optimaximal says:

        LEGO explained how CUUSOO worked a while back.

        The 10k votes thing elevates the kit to a stage where LEGO will consider it. They then look at stuff like content, potential reach (beyond the 10k votes), complexity & cost of he build and whether it will fit into LEGO’s range.

        FTL LEGO won’t happen – it’s too niche – but I do wish if it did fail, LEGO would release the designs and part counts so people could make a stab at their own.

        Something like this – link to i.imgur.com

      • Shivoa says:

        Just like the EVE Online Lego stuff, getting the votes may not be the issue, Lego rejecting it if it does make the vote is the major hurdle.

    • Joshua Northey says:

      Why on earth does this need votes? If you want an FTL ship buy some bricks and make an FTL ship? Why on earth follow someone else’s vision? That is destroying 90% of the fun.

      If you just want a representation of FTL you can display print out and frame a screenshot.

    • Arkh says:

      I’d love to see this project take off. And talking about it, why RPS doesn’t give some attention for this awesome project of Star Control 2 Lego?
      link to lego.cuusoo.com

  11. psepho says:

    Do we really need this? There are so many LEGO-flavoured games out there already. FTL is a great game already — making a LEGO version is just exploitative. Don’t LEGO LOTR, Star Wars, Harry Potter and the rest make them enough money already?

    In other news, I’ve got this problem with my knee. It appears totally uncontrollable…

    EDIT: I was, of course, wearing my special trolloculars when reading the article and they can impede comprehension.

    • Lambchops says:

      Err, think you’ve misinterpreted there dear chap!

      It’s actual Lego sets rather than a Lego video game that is being pitched.

      Edit: I did wonder, you never can tell!

    • USER47 says:

      Third point in Alec’s list obviously applies to you…

    • Razumen says:

      I’d enjoy a LEGO: FTL game personally, not that it’s going to happen, but it kinda seems like it would go really well together,

  12. sabasNL says:

    Will this be just as overpriced and out-of-stock-y as the Minecraft one? If so: NO THANKS.

  13. Nick says:

    – McVities would bring back Marmite-flavoured Mini Cheddars

    If only =(

  14. Lemming says:

    Wow, for once the figures and ships look like PROPER LEGO as opposed to the shit they do with Star Wars, LOTOR etc where they just craft a perfectly modelled head onto a body with a couple of Lego pincer hands.

    • Fanbuoy says:

      This times everything. I hate how all fairly new Lego seems to be tailor made for the specific set. Building different things from imagination is all that is fun about Lego.

  15. Hypocee says:

    Seems completely unnecessary except for the crew :/ Some properties have lots of weird or iconic bits; FTL’s ships are practically still lifes of Lego already.

  16. Mr. Mister says:

    I’m pretty sure the pieces would help the boardgame adaptation some fans on the forums have been rulesetting.

  17. Fanbuoy says:

    There’s Minecraft Lego? Why? Can’t people just use… you know, regular Lego?

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Whoah there Mr Imagination. I just bet you do all kinds of disgusting “not follow the specific build-guide that came in the box” as well, right?

      (No, I don’t get it either)

      • Jams O'Donnell says:

        I think it started out as irony but then became an actual physical thing because Internet.

      • Rikard Peterson says:

        When I was a child, I built wheels for my big Lego car out of regular bricks because I didn’t have any of those huge wheels I’d seen in the Lego catalogue. (This was before the Internet.) It worked fine. Well, as they weren’t completely round they wouldn’t turn on the floor, but on a carpet or the bed my terrain wheels were just as good as if I’d had the real thing. I also built my own versions of those castles and horses sold at the time.

  18. derella says:

    I know this is for actual Lego, but I think it would be even better if it were a Lego game based on FTL.

  19. fhein says:

    The Lego Minecraft kit is 480 pieces, most other kits in the same price range is around 300. I don’t think the amount of plastic used has significant impact on the cost.

  20. Lanfranc says:

    *didn’t read the article* BAN THIS SICK FILTH!

  21. Post-Internet Syndrome says:

    Actually, the cuusoo project is not aimed at children primarily, but the AFOL community. My dad had the luck to get a review copy of the minecraft set (yes indeed) so I’ve had the opportunity to check it out, and it really is disgustingly small for its price. It’s a collector’s item, really.

  22. jonfitt says:

    I understand the coolness of having a pre-sorted set, but for the Kestrel can’t someone just post a brick list, and we go to a store, buy the individual bricks from the buckets and build it?
    Am I missing something?

    • hypercrisis says:

      Yeah this, when did Lego stop being about making things yourself, instead only making Lego Pre-Approved Guidelines

  23. PedroBraz says:

    Its 10.000 votes, and then it will have qualified for the halfyear review where it will COMPETE with well, every other set that makes it to 10k, as LEGO will approve only one per review. Also its not a done deal then. They will analyse market potential as well. Thats why the Back to the Future set is making it into production. They will also not make something that is too close to anything they are already making, which is one of the reasons the Wild West town lost.

    But go ahead and give it your vote, but I´d think I´d just look something up on flicker or mocpages and get meself the parts from bricklink instead.

  24. Lachlan says:

    Even before considering the competition from other sets, I wonder if FTL would run into the same problem the Firefly set did. Lego are very strict about what they want their brand associated with, and FTL has onscreen violence, racism, death and slavery (even if most of it is in little text boxes). That might make their brandmeisters baulk.

    • Pony Canyon says:

      Isn’t all that stuff in Star Wars? They’ve got no problem riding that money train.

      • Capt. Eduardo del Mango says:

        Well no, because as you rightly point out Star Wars is a money train. The textbook money train, perhaps.

        FTL? Less so. What’s worse than a moneytrain, a bartercycle?

  25. Mario Figueiredo says:

    I didn’t read the article, but I’m totally against a Lego version of FTL. I liked the former graphics better. Why make it look like Lego? Just saying. Now, don’t tell me I can’t have an opinion!

  26. kombatunit says:

    Better have some fire legos

  27. Christo4 says:

    Aww, and i thought this was about a game of FTL in which you could build your own space ships from lego parts… I am dissapoint…

  28. jonbro says:

    I saw this, and immediately had a pavlovian response that made me want to press a little star button. Since this website doesn’t have that feature, I will submit this comment as the closest possible analog.

  29. Crius says:

    Oh FTL dev, why you were so firm when you take the decision to not expand in any way the vanilla version of the game?

    I would buy any DLC you’ll sell. Seriously.

  30. MrBear says:

    Israel and Palestine would mutually agree “screw it, let’s have a fancy dress party instead”

    Really? Wow, the ignorance in this is just amazing. Cause Israel is at fault, eh? And not the fascism of the “Palestine” ideologies, eh?

    Nothing ever changes. Stick to writing pseudo-journalism about video games.