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Dances With Dongos: Lost Planet 3

Lost Planet 3: Extreme Conditioner

Lost Planet 3 would like you to know that it has a plot, with characters, betrayals, twists and all sorts of things like that. Judging by this new trailer, it’s basically the plot of Fern Gully, Dances With Wolves and Avatar, except colder. I can’t help but think that’s a step down from Lost Planet 2’s narrative, for which I have the original script here:

Act One: It is not snowing. A moderately sized gun appears.

Act Two: It is still not snowing so there is a steaming, tropical jungle now. A large gun appears.

Act Three: There is such an incredible lack of snow that everything is a desert now. An enormous gun appears. Oh, and a mech too, I guess.

Let’s see what sort of scrape Bearded Space Jim has gotten himself into today.

At twenty five seconds, just after the crash and the black screen, a man furiously yanks at his reproductive regions and then our hirsute hero awakes, reacting to life in the same way that I do every single morning.

“We’re alive…”

Lost Planet 3 is out at the tail end of June.

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Adam Smith

former Deputy Editor

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