Extract from ‘An Oral History Of The End Of The World’, circa 2045. Subject: Male, 23, nameless.
Yeah, I can tell you when it all started. First there was that teaser trailer for the ‘reveal’ trailer. Then the trailer itself. We should have spotted the pattern right away and taken action. Two trailers in two weeks? It was obviously a beginning. If someone had deleted all the copies of Adobe Premiere from Ubisoft’s computers, we might have been spared. But hindsight is a son of a bitch, and here we are. There is no world left. Every computer was clogged with self-replicating copies of Call of Juarez – Gunslinger trailers. The sound of gunshots rang out of every speaker. Children started to speak in Ye Olde Western voiceover. We couldn’t Google anything. We didn’t know. We. Didn’t. Know. I blame Craig Pearson. If only he hadn’t posted the new trailer, all of this would never have happened. I can’t take it. I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS!
*sound of gunshot*
Ooh, a new Call Of Juarez – Gunslinger trailer! Exciting stuff. You might be surprised that I’m keen on the new game, given the horrors that Call Of Juarez: The Cartel inflicted on everyone. I’ve already had a look at the game at an Ubisoft event. RPS sent Adam along as well, and we were both impressed enough to walk around making fingerguns afterwards.
It’s a digital-download only return to the Old West, and it’s very silly: you’re a bounty hunter retelling his life story. With the exception of Michael J. Fox’s Clint Eastwood, you seem to have met every single notable Western figure. The likes of Billy The Kid and Jesse James will pop up in front of your six shooters, and while you start the game in Billy’s employ, I’m sure he’ll end up at the end of your smoking barrel .
It was the gunplay that got me most excited: the six shooters seemed really responsive and satisfying, especially in the time-clogging ‘concentration mode’: the slow-motion allows the player to pick his targets carefully and then fill them full of holes. Every blast from every weapon had a lovely ‘blammo!’ to it. It’s was nothing but exclamation marks and gruff men talking about honour and death, but it looked lovely and gave me hope. Just don’t expect Red Dead Redemption.
Warning: you have to be online to watch this streaming video. Ubi’s DRM has too far!