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Get Away From Her, You Glitch: ACM's 3.8GB Patch

a turd, getting polished, yesterday

Seeing that Gearbox have put out a 3.8GB patch for their rather woeful Aliens: Colonial Marines makes me feel like a nurse in a hospital drama, the one who sadly, calmly puts an hand on the shoulder of a crying, screaming doctor who’s desperately trying to resucitate an expired patient he thought he could save. “It’s no good,” I would say. “It’s over.” Then we’d have a hug and a cry, and maybe a slice of cake. Only I don’t think it’s possible to hug an entire game development studio, and I don’t know whether Randy Pitchford likes cake or not.
I’m far from convinced that a 3.8GB patch can bring Aliens: Colonial Marines back to life, but perhaps it’s admirable that they’re at least trying. Contained within those many megabytes are some new, improved textures for the somewhat murky-lookin’ game, along with “various visual improvements.” I’m not sure whether this includes making Aliens no longer look like they’ve just come back from a game of paintballing?

There are also a ton of bug fixes in there, the most telling of which include “Tweaked enemy and friendly AI to be more aggressive and responsive” and “Improved enemy collision detection regarding doors and Power Loader.” In other words, NPCs and Aliens are mostly less embarrassingly stupid now, mostly.

You can read the full patch notes here – lousy characterisation and general air of tedium are not listed among the fixes, I’m afraid. As well as the patch’s colossal girth, it’s the first update for the game in over a month, which arguably suggests they did put the hours in to make it, but who knows?

The patch should forcefully apply itself to your game via Steam right about now.

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Alec Meer

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Co-founder of RPS. Dungeon Keeper & X-COM 4 Life.

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