Remember when Deep Silver’s Dead Island Riptide “Zombie Bait Edition” torso statue came out and we were mostly all like, okay weird gross statue of a bikinied lady who has been brutally dismembered, but honestly, where is my dismembered bloody man crotch in Calvin Kleins? Oh that was only me then. (It is odd being a woman in this industry sometimes.) Well, I guess Deep Silver were slightly burnt by the expressions of disgust we all had. Now they are giving us the chance to vote for a whole host of weird Saints Row IV Collector’s Edition stuff.
Sending out tweets from their official account, a survey went up here. I have selected some trinkets to hereby remark upon:
“Voice augmentation device / auto-tune device”: I am sure this will never be misused by your younger brother or older criminal sister to undertake any funny business.
“Presidential Briefcase with kinky handcuff and key”. Presidents are known for their interest in fetish items, and they also capitalise the ‘b’ on briefcase in case the Kremlin is watching.
“Dubstep Doomsday Button”: I do not know what this is. Do you know what this is? Am I showing my Saint’s Row newbishness again? In my head it is just a button you press to initiate the doomsday because the world has reached dubstep critical mass.
“Functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replica”: oh yeah. Because this isn’t going to make you look wildly irresponsible. Also, ‘weapon’ implies that it is a thing for inflicting pain so how can you guarantee it won’t be deadly? And even if it is a blow-up baseball bat I could probably still suffocate an unsuspecting granny with it. I can make anything deadly. That is why they call me Cara ‘Deadly’ Ellison. But if you are reading this in Aberdeen no one ever calls me that please don’t come round.
“Saint’s Bazooka themed Poster Tube”: Like, an actual poster tube? Just a poster tube? What am I going to do with a poster tube? I could put other posters in it maybe. I have this Frank Miller thing I got given that is in my room that never stays up on the wall, I presume because Frank Miller is in actuality a Nazi and all his products are imbued with inherent evil.
“Tie and Tie Bar, Money Clip”: These are things that the people who will buy this will never need, guys.
“Whitehouse “Security” download card”: You can download all of the Whitehouse’s securities onto a card?! WHAT DO DEEP SILVER KNOW THAT WE DON’T? Does the Pentagon know about this? GET ME THE RED PHONE.
My favourite thing is the last thing on the list, because they have put a question mark on the end:
“Ridiculously amazing glass display case with lights?” as if they actually have no idea what they mean either. Look, I got nothing. I’m Ron Burgundy?
You can take the survey here, but there is no box to write in satirical requests for disembodied man crotches so I won’t bother. Instead, why don’t you read Kieron and I’s breakdown of the Saints Row IV trailer? I hear it has dongs.
20/03/2013 at 11:06 x1501 says:
“If you played Saints Row: The Third, did you mainly play solo or co-op?”
Silly people. Who in their right mind would play Saints Row solo?
20/03/2013 at 11:09 Tom De Roeck says:
I did. Twice. And loved it.
However, I might make another pass for coop. Are there special features for doing so? more enemies or somesuch? (because I already beat the hardest mode)
20/03/2013 at 11:20 Jacina says:
well the first new feature that comes to mind, is what happens in any coop game that has FF -> shoot each other and let them bleed out -> optional minigame is started, winner gets the prize.
20/03/2013 at 18:53 sjebran3 says:
til I looked at the paycheck 4 $8948, I didn’t believe that…my… father in law woz realy making money in there spare time from there labtop.. there brothers friend had bean doing this 4 only about twenty three months and at present repaid the loans on there condo and purchased a top of the range Ariel Atom. read more at,,,,, link to Fly38.COm
20/03/2013 at 11:55 x1501 says:
The difficulty is higher in co-op, and you can easily edit difficulty_levels.xtbl or grab the Realism mod to make the Hardcore Mode significantly more challenging. The Realism mod in particular did not look like it was designed for solo players (we played a heavily modded version of it and it was brutal) and will probably require a great deal of cooperation between you and your partner. Many missions and activities play a bit differently with a second player, and Cat and Mouse is a co-op only activity not available in singleplayer (there are mods that add more variety to it).
20/03/2013 at 16:26 Robert_Starr says:
my neighbor’s sister-in-law makes $62/hour on the computer. She has been without a job for 8 months but last month her pay was $15600 just working on the computer for a few hours. Go to this web site and read more…. link to miniurl.com
20/03/2013 at 11:10 RobinOttens says:
It had co-op?
20/03/2013 at 11:22 Njordsk says:
My reaction.
20/03/2013 at 11:30 guygodbois00 says:
Same here.
20/03/2013 at 11:46 TomxJ says:
and here.
20/03/2013 at 12:46 luukdeman111 says:
Me too!!! Pick me pick me!!
20/03/2013 at 12:02 brulleks says:
Ditto.
20/03/2013 at 13:14 x1501 says:
I guess that makes the answer to my question rather depressing “Dyslexic lonely people.”
20/03/2013 at 15:30 phuzz says:
Hey! I resemble that remark!
20/03/2013 at 19:06 yuri999 says:
Who pissed in your coffee today? Chill out mofo, just because you like co-op doesn’t mean everyone else has to like it as well. Different strokes for different folks…
20/03/2013 at 11:12 RedViv says:
The same fools who do so in GTA, I would guess. We’re a jolly bunch indeed!
20/03/2013 at 11:20 x1501 says:
Sure, with “Hey cousin, wanna go bowling?”, why would anyone opt for co-op…
20/03/2013 at 11:33 RedViv says:
And it’s the perfect unnecessary gameplay element to showcase that, yeah, some games don’t need sociality.
20/03/2013 at 13:13 x1501 says:
No offense, but equating forced artificial “sociality” of GTA IV with willful, enjoyable, and 100% optional synergistic cooperation among friends hardly makes it a rational showcase for anything except maybe the seemingly autistic nature of your views on teamwork and interpersonal relationships.
20/03/2013 at 14:46 TWChristine says:
Oh yea, fist bump RedViv! I’m not much of a multiplayer person to begin with, added to the fact that no one I know owns the game on PC (or at all actually..one person borrowed it from someone), and the idea of playing online with a random person makes me think of Xbox Live horror stories.
20/03/2013 at 11:23 tanith says:
One time I was playing this game and for some reason someone from my Steam friends list popped in there.
All I could think was “Please leave my singleplayer game :(“.
20/03/2013 at 11:53 Gap Gen says:
I remember the first time I played Shogun 2, I started a battle in the campaign and the game found an actual human to play against me at random online. I was quite surprised at that. It was me against a bunch of rebels, so I crushed them, but it was interesting all the same. Turned off the feature after that, I’ll admit – co-op battles are fun, but I tend to need to fast-forward a lot in Total War battles, plus it’s nice to get some consistency in the enemy.
20/03/2013 at 12:05 Drake Sigar says:
Fun is like XP, you get more going solo.
20/03/2013 at 12:35 PopeRatzo says:
There was multiplayer?
20/03/2013 at 17:39 tyren says:
There was, and it was handled pretty well IMO. It was identical to the single-player game, and each player saw their own character as the one speaking/doing things in cutscenes. No shoehorned-in extra character or anything.
20/03/2013 at 14:10 LionsPhil says:
I…did both?
It’s got enough character stuff to be fun in singleplayer, and the antics are great in co-op.
Just wish the co-op had a few more kind of obvious rough edges cleaned up. Maybe in IV. (Syncing the car radio and syncing the character quips are stand-out omissions.)
20/03/2013 at 11:06 apocraphyn says:
Since this is Saints Row and is also coming along in the wake of the Riptide frenzy, “Functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replica” likely translates to “Giant purple dildo that you can brandish as a weapon”.
That’d prove popular.
20/03/2013 at 11:12 Struckd says:
I was disappointed not to see a separate “Scale Model of the Penetrator” option, my guess is that, that would be everyone’s choice and wanted to give the other sub-par options a chance. Then again they probably assume “Functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replica” would spark “vibrating penetrator” in everyone’s mind
Vote for the dildo
20/03/2013 at 14:05 darkChozo says:
The question is, scaled in which direction?
20/03/2013 at 16:00 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
All I’m saying is, the collector’s edition is delivered by a helicopter with an ingenious sling mechanism slung below.
20/03/2013 at 18:32 BlitzThose says:
tbh the first thing i thought when I read “Functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replica” was the giant purple dildo
20/03/2013 at 11:18 mrwonko says:
I’ll be disappointed if that’s not it. But having to guess makes voting a little harder, I don’t want to end up with a tazer.
20/03/2013 at 22:03 MacTheGeek says:
Functional Penetrator replica.
Uses 64 “D” batteries, sold separately.
Do not use on unexplained calf pain.
20/03/2013 at 11:07 Spacewalk says:
You can easily get one of those functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replicas at that store with the neon sign above it where all those guys in long coats who pull their hats down go to. You get a choice of colour too.
EDIT: Basically what whatsisface above me said.
20/03/2013 at 11:07 Baka says:
Dubstep Doomsday Button: link to youtube.com
20/03/2013 at 11:08 Anthile says:
Why can’t I vote for those penguins? I want penguins, damnit!
20/03/2013 at 11:10 Bostec says:
A shame you can’t make suggestions yourself. “A Long pink hollowed out ribbed tube containing a manual and map” I would be pre-ordering that one.
20/03/2013 at 11:11 RaveTurned says:
Where’s the option for “Selling tacky tasteless shit with your games make your games look even more tacky and tasteless.”?
Then again with Saints Row, tacky and tasteless is part of the charm, so… meh?
20/03/2013 at 12:40 Sparkasaurusmex says:
Haven’t played it then?
20/03/2013 at 14:22 RaveTurned says:
I’ve completed SR3 actually, though haven’t tried the first two games. SR3 is tacky and tasteless – gaudy and flamboyant by design as part of it’s “flash gangsta” aesthetic, all the while with it’s tongue firmly in it’s cheek. Like I said, it becomes part of the game’s charm. I never said it was a bad game – it’s also wacky and most importantly fun. :)
20/03/2013 at 11:13 MuscleHorse says:
Replica, drivable car.
20/03/2013 at 11:13 smiler says:
No four foot long blood and brain splattered dildo? I’m an shocked Deep Silver, shocked and disappointed.
20/03/2013 at 11:16 Maniac says:
“Functional (not deadly!) in-game weapon replica”
Cara! Surely this must be a Dildo-bat, no?
Its not deadly (Or well, you *could* suffocate, I suppose), its a weapon, and its functional!
… No? Just me? Okay. ._.
But hey, I’m glad Deep Silver is treating their new stuff with respect, they already mentioned that if they’d gotten Metro sooner, they would’ve created a Collectors Edition for it, so heres to hoping the next game gets one!
20/03/2013 at 11:52 Bhazor says:
Hey who doesn’t like day one DLC, retailer specific exclusives and being charged an extra £10?
20/03/2013 at 11:58 Phantoon says:
Me. I hate those things.
20/03/2013 at 11:18 razzafazza says:
i liked Saints Row 3 but i m somewhat afraid they might go TOO overboard with the LULZ in 4.
Giving you more ridicoulus powers is all good with me ( most sandbox fun i ve had was with Prototype 2 afterall… despite the idiotic story ) but when the world around you is only a simulation within a simulation and with crazyness around every corner … i dunno whether the later might not get dull pretty fast.
and ending this post i ll shamelessly plug a TURN BASED strategy game RPS hasnt covered yet that looks freaking great and promising and is sort of a remake / spiritual sequel to the classic Battle Isle
link to kickstarter.com
20/03/2013 at 12:04 Thermal Ions says:
I guess if they Jump the Shark, it can be parodied as SAINTS ROW IntraVenous.
20/03/2013 at 14:43 TWChristine says:
I can see the review already: “This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of gameplay invention within. The inventive growth rate of this developer can not even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality, and bad poetry.”
(Possible obscure reference to Spinal Tap.. bonus scotch egg for anyone that got it..)
20/03/2013 at 19:43 Rise / Run says:
Sexy? What’s the matter with sexy?
20/03/2013 at 11:46 BooleanBob says:
I don’t understand
why isn’t it called ‘SaiIVts Row’
20/03/2013 at 12:02 Thermal Ions says:
Don’t give them ideas.
20/03/2013 at 12:42 Sparkasaurusmex says:
Saints RoIV
20/03/2013 at 11:47 Bhazor says:
No giant plaster cast version of own head? What about a signed gun?
20/03/2013 at 16:02 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Given the popularity of hats in-game, I’m amazed there aren’t any Collectors Editions which come with real hats. I’d love a pimp hat to wear about town when I’m haggling for apples.
21/03/2013 at 11:22 Groove says:
You know, giving away ambient items with a game actually sounds awesome. A hat to wear while playing TF2, or a pair of fingerless leather gloves for playing Trials. Or glade plugin that smells of sulphur.
20/03/2013 at 11:57 Phantoon says:
No giant plastic mask option?
20/03/2013 at 12:00 Thermal Ions says:
Given we’re talking about Saints Row, there’s a better than even chance that it’s not the Whitehouse you’re thinking of Cara.
Edit: Actually, it seems the Whitehouse.com I was thinking of is no more – link to en.wikipedia.org
20/03/2013 at 12:03 brulleks says:
You know what I want with my game?
Game.
That is all. You can keep your silly, wasteful merchandising.
20/03/2013 at 12:08 WhatKateDoes says:
You know what I wish they could do? (and I wish above all they could do this for Mass Effect as well) – is offer a figurine of your in-game Avatar – this should be possible in this day and age of wondrous 3D printing, non?
20/03/2013 at 12:56 Durkonkell says:
Actually, this is an excellent idea! I might’ve bought a ME3 collector’s edition if one of the bonuses was a custom shepard figureprint. Voucher in the box and a button in the UI to export your character’s appearance. There are services out there that do this sort of thing – you can get a WoW character printed I think – do the publisher could partner with one of them. They’d be able to sell more of them later on too, I expect.
I might even have bought the incredibly expensive Skyrim CE if I could’ve had a figureprint of my Khajiit sneaking and hitting things specialist.
20/03/2013 at 14:01 WhatKateDoes says:
It would be awesome… but given how much they charge for the big “default” figures… my innate thrifty Scottishness has me hissing through my teeth in $fear…
20/03/2013 at 12:38 PopeRatzo says:
Isn’t a giant purple dildo something that works for both genders?
20/03/2013 at 12:44 Sparkasaurusmex says:
I guess if you want to insert tab A into slot B instead of Slot A it’d work
20/03/2013 at 13:22 Bhazor says:
Anus: The USB of orifices.
20/03/2013 at 14:09 bill says:
You never ever get it to go in first try, because it’s always the wrong way round.
Unless it’s a Micro size, then it only goes in one way.
20/03/2013 at 14:19 finbikkifin says:
Only if it has a flare or balls or something. THIS IS VITALLY IMPORTANT.
21/03/2013 at 11:25 Groove says:
We have now moved onto anal play, REAL TALK.
BUTT SERIOUSLY, flared ends people.
20/03/2013 at 12:41 Sparkasaurusmex says:
yeah she should just bend over and take it, huh?
20/03/2013 at 12:43 Cara Ellison says:
People like to pay me for my point of view. And my point of view is very heavily, if not entirely, informed by my experience of the world as a woman, because that is what I appear to be to others. It is always relevant to my work to be open about how my opinion is formed. More reading here: link to jacobinmag.com if you are interested.
20/03/2013 at 12:47 Sparkasaurusmex says:
Covering radical politics and youth movements sounds awesome! Kinda makes video games seem a bit trivial.
Thanks for the link.
20/03/2013 at 21:11 Peter Radiator Full Pig says:
This made me quite sad. Thanks for the excellent link.
The article makes quite a good point, too.
Also, not sure if all the writers here are, but I know Kieron was a follower of New Games Journalism, which kind of doesnt hold with “objectivity”, much, at all, really.
21/03/2013 at 11:20 Groove says:
The Gillen coined the term of new games journalism. I’m also pretty certain that the whole site is built around ideas from NGJ.
Also, someone get Cara a red box already.
20/03/2013 at 12:46 mondomau says:
I’m wondering what exactly is bothering you about this? SR is a deliberately silly franchise, and while I agree most of these ideas are worthless, most special edition just contain pointless trinkets these days – it’s usually aimed at people that simply must collect the extra crap, regardless of it’s intrinsic value or usefulness.
I agree it’s a stupid practice, I can’t help but feel you’re being overly snide at Deep Silver here based on the horribly mis-judged and idiotic Rip-tide debacle, which isn’t really relevant to these (again, silly and worthless ) offerings.
20/03/2013 at 12:51 Sparkasaurusmex says:
I’m wondering where exactly you see someone bothered?
Saint’s Row III is probably one of the best PC games ever so RPS is reporting this stuff on SRIV. Of course it’s junk none of us want, but a great opportunity to get some jokes in a story about a game many are excited about.
20/03/2013 at 13:10 Cara Ellison says:
I’m not bothered by any of these things. I’m sort of excited about IV actually. See: Kieron & I’s post.
20/03/2013 at 13:46 Tams80 says:
*Whooooossh*
It seems every day someone misinterprets something on RPS and then goes off on rant about it.
20/03/2013 at 23:31 mondomau says:
Funny thing about the written word, it’s quite easy to misinterpret – particularly when the article doesn’t really have an underlying point or gag, it’s just hopping from one items to the next, throwing out casual observations. Your comment, on the other hand is perfectly clear – arrogant, supercilious and affecting a tone of world-weariness that a 14 year old would be proud of.
20/03/2013 at 23:26 mondomau says:
Ah, then I have mis-read the tone of your article and I retract my comment entirely.
20/03/2013 at 12:50 Random Gorilla says:
I love you, RPS. Don’t ever become more serious.
20/03/2013 at 13:29 Capt. Eduardo del Mango says:
“Oh that was only me then. (It is odd being a woman in this industry sometimes.)”
Actually Cara, I think you’ll find that the majority of responders to the article you linked shared a sense of revulsion at the statue. Obviously some people didn’t, but most did. It’s a teensy bit insulting to RPS readers to imply that “it was only you then” ‘cos it wasn’t.
20/03/2013 at 13:42 impeus says:
I think Cara was actually one of the least bothered by the torso, actually. She was merely lamenting the lack of a bloody manbulge equivalent.
20/03/2013 at 13:56 Sparkasaurusmex says:
I guess Eduardo also wants a disembodied man crotch
20/03/2013 at 15:12 Cara Ellison says:
No what I meant was I was the only person going “where is my dismembered bloody man crotch in Calvin Kleins?”, like I say in that article’s comments. Which I guess is kind of good really
20/03/2013 at 13:56 ass wasp says:
I actually kinda like the idea of the belt buckle and the cigar box
20/03/2013 at 14:07 LionsPhil says:
These sound like pre-order bonuses.
Pre-ordering is, as previously and recently established, Bad and Wrong and should not be encouraged.
The outcome of the survey is irrelevant.
20/03/2013 at 14:07 bill says:
Frank Miller is a Nazi??
20/03/2013 at 14:25 HatsAlEsman says:
Anyone else check both “I am a true Saint” and “What is Saint’s Row?”
20/03/2013 at 15:25 x1501 says:
It was a trick question. If you didn’t try to check both of them at the same time, you are probably not schizophrenic enough to be called a true Saint to begin with.
20/03/2013 at 16:07 Tukuturi says:
x1501, in three separate posts on the same thread you have managed to insult people with dyslexia, people on the autism spectrum, and people with schizophrenia. You should win some kind of insensitivity trophy.
20/03/2013 at 17:11 x1501 says:
Don’t forget the hypersensitive politically correct crowd with glaring reading comprehension problems. That’s 4 in 1!
20/03/2013 at 17:11 strangeloup says:
A Tumblr somewhere is missing its social justice blogger.
21/03/2013 at 06:42 geerad says:
But it’s okay, because he said “no offense” before insulting them.
20/03/2013 at 18:13 Eddy9000 says:
To be fair if she kept saying she was a seven foot tall Samoan man it would be a bit disingenuous.
20/03/2013 at 20:46 birne says:
It sounds like DeepSilver does the survey because they got shitstormed the last time.
But they did a very similar survey for Riptide, too …
link to twitter.com
link to deadislandwiki.com
Though there is nothing in the old survey which resembles that torso, it certainly didn’t prevent it happening either.
21/03/2013 at 04:45 Siresly says:
Voice augmentation device / auto-tune device
Dubstep Doomsday Button
Ridiculously amazing glass display case with lights?
Min/maxed those. This thing needs to be stupid.
21/03/2013 at 11:04 Megakoresh says:
Gotta love Saints Row. It creates these amazing moments of hilarious idiocy even before being released!
21/03/2013 at 19:57 El Armonista! says:
I’m fairly certain that the Saint’s Row 3 limited edition came with an auto-tune headset thingy, but only for the consoles. I am a bad person and really wanted one.
In fact, here it is! link to amazon.co.uk
I also know that you could get Saint’s Row 3 branded money clips, because I got one in a GAME sale for £2, honest.