Pyramid Scheme: Total War II Egyptian Faction Revealed

I like a man with a pike that can cause a severe injury or death
Hey, oh

Let me hear you say it


Come on

(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)
(Cleopatra, comin’ atcha)

Okay I’ll stop now. THIS IS RPS! THE NEWS AT WHATEVER O’CLOCK. BONG! The new Rome Total War II faction is indeed the Egyptian Faction, and it looks very lovely. Here is some informations from the Rome Total War II Wiki:

Embracing Egyptian religion and customs, the Ptolemies have since made themselves Pharaohs, continuing the long engineering tradition of great temple and monument building. Greek culture and learning are actively encouraged however, and an upper class of Greco-Egyptians has emerged. But things are not always harmonious; with Greek units garrisoned and veterans settling throughout the territory, the privileges of Greek citizens have led to frequent and bloody uprisings by the indigenous people.

The intermingling of Greek and Egyptian fighting styles provides the Ptolemaic Pharaohs with a military that is both advanced and balanced, yet still honours the role of the champion commander. Making great use of spear and pike, their forces are further diversified with skilled swordsmen, scythed chariots, and more exotic units such as African war elephants. Egypt’s position on the Mediterranean Sea also requires a substantial navy to protect its colonial and trade interests.

bit of a mapsicle there for you

The part about the Egyptian faction being “skilled statesmen and academics” with “naval prowess unquestioned” sounds promising. I imagine them as a sort of seafaring group of crotchety bearded university professors who act like mercenaries, going from country to country sorting out library mix ups and slight disagreements in philosophical terms between other, lesser known academics.

I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say, Cara this is early Ptolemaic era, which means that Cleopatra is not even around, not even hiding under the Egyptian rug, she’s not going to be born for years! And that I have presented inaccurate news by misleading you into thinking that there might be Cleopatra in or around this game. Well, I am genuinely quite sorry. This is my apology.


  1. Discopanda says:


    • Hunchback says:

      Message to the RPS masters – Guys, can’t you do something about those bots that are spamming every thread here?
      To be honest i’d rather have CAPTCHA before every comment i post, than bots spamming bullshit about making over 9000 $$$$$ per day.

      • mouton says:

        Speaking of current comment system, is there a way to track responses instead of bookmarking your comment and checking later?

  2. domogrue says:

    I think I’m in love with Cara’s Writing. Cara is alright too, I guess; I wouldn’t know I don’t know her.

    • meloncrab says:


    • Cara Ellison says:

      Hugs! I am putting a feature up at 9pm if you would like more readings.

    • Steed says:

      I’m inclined to agree, it’s the classic RPS dryness we all love, but with a bit more bounce.

      “Okay I’ll stop now. THIS IS RPS! THE NEWS AT WHATEVER O’CLOCK. BONG!” – a particularly nice line.

    • Davie says:

      RPS was getting worryingly un-flash until she came along.

  3. Hoaxfish says:

    what does their walk animation look like?

    • guygodbois00 says:

      I guess they “walk like an Egyptian”. link to
      Sorry, just had to.

      • Grape says:

        Er… that was the whole joke, guygodbois00.

        Congratulations. You managed to fuck it up completely.

    • Pode says:

      If they *finally* figured out how to walk the shortest path thru cities without turning every formation into a swirling cluster-F, they bloody well *can* walk like an Egyptian and I’ll be just fine with it.

  4. porschecm2 says:

    This game keeps looking better and better.

  5. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    That’s a fine apology right there.

  6. Grape says:

    Apology accepted.

  7. joebucksvoice says:


    She is probably working… At the pyramid… Tonight.


  8. Droopy The Dog says:

    Cara, over these past few articles I’ve deduced you have terrible taste in music. That is all.

  9. Faldrath says:

    I was ready to accept your apology, when I realized it was the English dubbed version instead of the original French one. Shame on you, Cara. Shame on you.

    • Cara Ellison says:

      Haha! RAZE IT TO THE GROUND. But also yes I like that version too.

    • Chaosdwarft says:

      @Cara: your style is very refreshing!

      @Asterix and Cleopatra apology: My chauvinist side cries for blood at this offense. But at the same time I love the fact that non-francophones can make a reference to Asterix and Obelix!

  10. Elos says:

    I wonder if they have finally fixed the AI *the pope solo assaulting a fort*

    • MeestaNob says:


      • solidsquid says:

        I remember seeing an old Image Comics (I think) series called Battle Pope. The pope that was elected was basically a psychotic US marine, ended up being excommunicated (by who I don’t know), ended up in hell where he beat everyone up and then ended up having a square go with St Peter. I was sorely tempted to pick up a few issues just for the sheer ridiculousness of it

  11. Lambchops says:

    Oh my, I’d almost forgotten about Cleopatra!

    They were going to blow the roof weren’t they. Alas my roof still remains unblown, it appears 90s girl groups are rather inefficient roof blowers as a whole.

  12. Derk_Henderson says:

    Asterix is always an acceptable apology. You’re good people, Cara.

  13. Scumbag says:

    Dear Cara
    You are fast becoming a favorite RPS articles writer person thing, but please please please STOP WITH THE LATE 90s / EARLY 2000s POP REFERENCES!!! YOU ARE DIGGING UP OLD PAINFUL MEMORIES OF PAIN!!!

    Also, Asterix in Britain was better.

    • Cara Ellison says:

      I WISH I COULD STOP BUT THEY KEEP GIVING ME NEWS and it would be dull without Bowie or crap pop princesses me thinks

      • Scumbag says:

        Ok then, I shall endure the pain and smile.
        It is a good pain, like hot sweets that taste nice
        …or late 90s pop references I can say “Hey! I understand that!” and then feel old.

  14. BigJonno says:

    Cara, please never change.

  15. Vinraith says:

    Scythed chariots during the Ptolemaic era. Well, that answers the whole “is this going to be another Hollywood history game?” question pretty clearly. Not that I really expect better, of course, but I seem to recall there was some blithering when this was first announced about how this time they weren’t going the flaming pigs route.

    • SirKicksalot says:

      Flaming pigs should be used only to bring down buildings and walls, as seen in the Rochester siege.

    • Max Planck says:

      If there ever was a travesty, this is it.
      Whole damn game is ruined. Ruined!

      • Vinraith says:

        Indeed, what does history matter in a history game? And I’m sure, of course, that this is the only thing they got wrong. It’s certainly not representative of a general disregard for compelling historical detail.

        • Chris D says:

          This came up on the TW forums. This was the response from the games unit designer, Jack Lusted

          “To quote Appian:

          The kings of my own country [Egypt] alone had an army consisting of 200,000 foot, 40,000 horse, 300 war elephants, and 2,000 armed chariots, and arms in reserve for 300,000 soldiers more. This was their force for land service. ”

          You may not agree with his interpretation but I don’t think it’s fair to imply they don’t care about history.

        • TillEulenspiegel says:

          Never trust a “historical” game without a bibliography. It’s a trivial thing to publicize if they actually did the research.

        • DiamondDog says:

          If compelling historical detail means no scythes on my chariots then it can get tae fuck!

          This is a Total War game, what on earth did you expect?

        • drewski says:

          I think the vast majority of players would prefer a game that prioritises fun over historical accuracy, which is unfortunate for you and the rest of the hardcore history buffs but hey, that’s what mods are for.

      • Gap Gen says:

        I wonder if Egypt will be completely invincible this time round, too. I always loved getting to Egypt, because it meant hours of painful grind against bastard chariots that keep running away while filling you with arrows.

    • makute says:

      Come here, pal; this is the way to go:

      link to

      • cjlr says:

        Ah, EB. Great mod? Or greatest mod?

      • Vinraith says:

        Yup, I’m well aware. I wonder what the mod support will actually look like the Rome 2, and for that matter whether it will be tied to Workshop (ugh).

    • Bhazor says:

      Errr…. they did have them, look up the battle of Chaeronea.

      They were useless but they were still used occasionally.

      • Zenicetus says:

        The Battle of Chaeronea was 100 years before the starting point of this game.

      • Gap Gen says:

        Well, Hannibal had elephants but they nearly all died before he got to Italy, and then when he got some more back in Africa the Romans scared them into running away. So yeah, exotic superunits do tend to be a bit of a letdown in real life.

        • Vinraith says:

          I would swear I’d read that Hannibal actually got his elephants across the Alps without losing even one (quite miraculously). Granted, by that point the Romans had some experience with them (courtesy of Pyrrhus) but they were still useful under specific circumstances, and no one knew better how to use whatever he had on hand than Hannibal.

          Anyway, the one does not remotely compare to the other, IMO, especially given that cultures without experience with war elephants got absolutely crushed by them.

          • Gap Gen says:

            (Wikipedia claims that) Polybius claims that only a few survived into Italy. But yes, I agree that a crazed elephant is probably many times scarier than a wagon.

    • Lemming says:

      As far as I know, Egypt did not, in fact, take over the whole of Europe at any point in history either, but that would make their faction a bit of a non-starter wouldn’t it? perhaps if they’d had scythe-caps on their chariots they would have!

  16. Zenicetus says:

    Chariots again? I think the starting period for the game is mid 200’s BC, and I seem to remember there was griping among the TW grognards for the first Rome game, about this being way too late for chariots.

    Oh well, I guess they’re needed to give the Egyptians a more unique flavor. And they’ll look good in the trailers.

    Edit: Ha! Ninja’d by Vinrath for 8 seconds.

  17. Mccloud says:

    “I like a man with a pike that can cause severe injury or death”
    Oh you dirty, you.

  18. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    There was a time when I watched this movie every other day (I alternated with another Asterix movie).
    This time was long ago. Now I feel old. :(

    • cptgone says:

      i didn’t even know it existed, and i own all the Asterix comics albums. TYVM Cara!

    • Dances to Podcasts says:

      No one’s gonna click your link if you shorten it like that. ;)

  19. AaronLee says:

    Definitely finding the new voice on RPS welcome, these egyptian lads seem quite intriguing.

    Actually I gotta’ admit, historically accurate egyptians might sell this game for me. They trumpt the Greeks for ‘coolest ancient society’ in my book. Sorry, Plato. It had to be said.

  20. Solidstate89 says:

    As long as Creative Assembly brings back the Seleucid Faction, I’ll be OK. I loved using those guys to fight the Romans because I could recruit my own Legionnaire units, while at the same time using Armored War Elephants for my Calvary. It was like the best of the Romans and the best of the Carthagians combined.

    • Zenicetus says:

      The Seleucid Empire was one of my favorites to play in the vanilla game. Aside from some great units, they had a very good starting position with easy access to the Med, and not much to worry about at their back, once they get rolling.

      I haven’t been following all the details for the new game, but the Wiki page on Rome II seems to indicate that the Seleucids are gone, with Parthia as the main (initially playable) faction on that part of the map.

      • Solidstate89 says:


        They were my favorite faction to whoop Rome’s ass with when I wasn’t otherwise playing as the Scipii. I’m so depressed now.

      • Gap Gen says:

        Man, I loved Seleucia. Boycott Rome II!

      • Chris D says:

        There are cryptic hints that we may not have seen all the factions yet.

        • Gap Gen says:

          Too late. The die is cast. Crossing the Rubicon as we speak.

          Well, OK, I’m out of juice boxes. But you get the point.

          • Solidstate89 says:

            No, I demand more quotes. MOAR QUOTES!

          • Gap Gen says:

            From Wikiquote:
            “Horum omnium fortissimi sunt Belgae.
            Of all these, the Belgae are the bravest/strongest .
            Caesar suffered his greatest military defeat at the hands of the Belgae, the humiliation reaching Rome, and infuriating the man who then set out on one of Rome’s biggest campaigns to crush the Republic’s most feared rebels once and for all.
            De Bello Gallico, Book I, Ch. 1”

  21. maninahat says:

    Will we get to play as North Africans in this one – I mean, besides Egyptians?

  22. sinister agent says:

    I’m not even going to touch this game If Pakistan aren’t in it.

  23. FullMetalMonkey says:

    Is it wrong for me to say that i actually remember that tune…

  24. Morte66 says:

    Scythed chariots my arse.

  25. hopedavis342 says:

    before I looked at the receipt of $6587, I have faith that…my… sister could realey making money in their spare time on-line.. there dads buddy started doing this less than eighteen months and a short time ago took care of the loans on their place and bought a brand new audi. we looked here,

  26. Farcelet says:

    So any word on how moddable this one is going to be? It’s really all I’m interested – well, that and the possibility of AI that isn’t utterly incapable of dealing with cavalry. I don’t know whether this has been addressed, haven’t played since Medieval 2!