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Teased: Battlefield 4 Will Have Boats, Awful Slogan

And/or rusty desk fans that have been thrown into the sea for some reason, which is another thing I've always felt was missing from Battlefield.

On principle, I despise blink-and-you’ll-miss-it brief, nearly information-free teasers. Unfortunately, they’re also almost exclusively the chosen language of triple-A publishers these days – at least until they open the floodgates on enough footage to spoil the entire game a month before it comes out. I would, however, be remiss if I didn’t mention that a) Battlefield 4 very clearly exists and b) year of the boat (the previously discussed year of the bow successor) sails ever onward, major franchises crashing against its monolithic hull like brittle kiddie pool waves. Watch both of the thus-far released (ugh, argh, grr, bleh) teasers after the break and pluck delicious, delicious proof from the pudding.

PREPARE 4 BATTLE. AND MAKE IT DOUBLE.

Wait, wrong thing. But anyway, yes, that’s the real slogan, and no, I haven’t mailed a package of refrigerator magnets and a message that reads “please for the love of god try again” to EA’s marketing team yet, but I’m considering it.

Also, in case you were worried, Battlefield 4 has land, too! Tanks roam it in graceful herds, sipping from watering holes and defending their young, as they often do. Meanwhile, using my extremely mysterious and alluring brand of prophetic voodoo, I can nearly 100 percent guarantee that a third teaser entitled “Air” will be along any second now. It will feature planes and be brought to you by the incorrectly used number four. HOW DOES HE DO IT? WOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO.

I’m sorry. I’ll stop shouting and derisively ghost wailing now. At any rate, the grand unveiling is coming on March 26th, and RPS will be there to hunt whomever devised this silly teaser scheme like an anima– I mean report on it or whatever.

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Nathan Grayson

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