That Looks Painful: A Thief Teaser Trailer

Only a short post, because it is only a short trailer. One of those trailer for a trailer singularly 21st century things, in fact. But it’s a chance to see the new Thief’s engine in action, sort of, and find out a date on which we’ll hopefully see and hear rather a lot more of Nu-Garrett and his light-fingered reinvention.

I tried that once. It really hurt.


  1. Quickpull says:

    You have to lick your fingers first

    • Ergates_Antius says:

      Also, you do it quicker than that – only takes a split second to douse the flame.

      • quintesse says:

        And of course it doesn’t smell and give of smoke, unlike the video! Probably important if you’re a thief so as not to attract attention of people wondering where that smell comes from.

        • LeMonde says:


          Very poor technique.

          • sawanswan says:

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    • abandonhope says:

      New Garrett likes the pain. I hear he’s also a cutter.

    • Godwhacker says:

      Ooh, Matron!

    • Victuz says:

      I always assumed that’s one of the reasons Garrett wears gloves… No real need to spit on gloves.

      EDIT: Correction USED to wear gloves. Now he’s all cool with his finger-less gloves! Enjoy freezing your fingers off, a good pair of leather gloves is about as good as not having your fingers covered by a glove at all, it even gives you more grip.
      GAH! I’m way too annoyed about a thief who climbs ropes and walls and sharp annoying objects all the time using finger-less (finger less?) gloves! It really makes no sense! Has anyone in their studio not used leather gloves?! Do they secretly hate leather gloves!?! What is the meaning of this!?

      • Radiant says:

        Clearly he needs to text people on his mobile phone.

      • Kestilla says:

        Not only are fingerless gloves associated with the image of ne’er do wells who used to make their homes in industrial era cities like Garrett lives in, many traditional archers did not wear gloves over their fingers while shooting a bow.

        Of course, not only did English Longbowmen pull back an excess of 100 pounds when they drew on their bow, but they were quite a lot sturdier than Garrett is. Given he’s not using such a powerful bow, I would imagine his fingers can take it, as the ancient Mongols did as they launched arrows from the backs of their horses, or even the chinese.

        None of whom wore gloves. If you’ve built up the callouses, it’s generally preferable to use your bare fingers as gloves and finger guards can throw off the feel of the arrow’s launch. You can get used to it just like you can get used to shooting without gloves, but I digress.

        I know Garrett’s design is probably purely stylistic, but it’s not like it doesn’t make sense. Also, rock climbers don’t wear gloves either for the exact same reasons. Gloves are bulky and get in the way. It would also be weird if you put chalk on them. And you would sweat inside the gloves. Ew.

        • hyperYoda says:

          “Given he’s not using such a powerful bow, I would imagine his fingers can take it, as the ancient Mongols did as they launched arrows from the backs of their horses, or even the chinese.”

          Just as a matter of interest, the Mongols and indeed most asian cultures, did not use the traditional 3 finger European draw (called the Mediterranean) but instead used their thumb to draw the bow. They would typically use a thumb ring made of bone or horn, that kind of thing.

        • dajjal says:

          Longbowmen did actually use gloves often with a piece of leather to keep the fingers apart to stop pinching at full draw. Although they could use bows up to 150# in draw weight they often only used half draws, especially when hunting. Shooting arrows at extreme poundages without protection destroys fingers (I know of 1 archer with damaged nerves from only shooting 40# occasionally without a tab)

          Horsebows, as hyperYoda says, were often shot with thumb rings and the arrow placed on the outside edge of the bow (this allowed the archer to shoot more arrows per minute)

      • kharnevil says:

        As a climber, gloves are what noobs suggest, then realise that was foolish later

        • El_Emmental says:

          But how could you imagine having callus on your hands ?!

          That’s… eww !

          You need to a delicate flower, with enough servants to do everything, so you can handle the cupcakes and a little play on the piano with fineness and grace…

  2. pupsikaso says:

    If you don’t want it to hurt you’re supposed to cover your fingers in spit first

    • Cytrom says:

      Actually, spit, sweat.. or any non insulating liquid, would just increase heat conduction. That’s why you’re better off touching a 100 degree hot dry piece of wood than putting your hands in boiling water (besides that the touching surface is also bigger within a liquid).

      Or wearing a dry coat (full of air) as opposed to a wet coat (not factoring heat dissipation due to evaporation)

      • CaspianRoach says:

        In the long run, you’re probably right but if you only take a split second to touch the hot thing the heat needs to warm the water first and that’s a brief moment of your hands not being burned.

        • Kestilla says:

          Mythbusters proved wetting your skin protects you for as long as it takes for the water to evaporate from the heat.

          Of course that experiment involved dipping hands into a vat of molten lead, but the evaporating water formed a protective shell of bubbles as it turned into vapor. In actuality, water _absorbs_ heat and requires a lot of heating to change temperature. To say it absorbs heat isn’t to say that OMG the fire hit the water and now it’s hot! The sun burns over the ocean every single day and is never hot to the touch like an asphalt road, and when the sun sets the ocean stays warm and does not lose all of its heat as quickly as it was gained.

          I don’t know where this non-insulating liquids nonsense came from. There’s a reason people use water cooling in their computers these days, also to control heat levels during drilling, machining, and other factory work. Water whisks away and holds onto large amounts of heat without a tremendously overt change in temperature. Therefore, dousing a candle with a wet finger isn’t like putting your finger in an electrical socket wearing a platemail gauntlet.

      • tormos says:

        As someone who used to do this regularly in the scouts, not licking you fingers first is an easy way to get a nice big blister on your finger (hence why we used to not tell the new scouts this). You are probably right in the long term but it only takes a split second, during which time the spit melts and your hand does not

      • FuriKuri says:

        Bad science makes me angry. Spit and sweat aren’t typically found at 100 degree temperatures. Covering oneself in cold water WILL make one more flame retardant.

        This advice could prove invaluable if, say, a particularly irate RPS commenter was to hunt you down with a flamethrower. >:(

      • almostDead says:

        Dudes, the issue is the massive specific heat capacity of water, i.e., spit, that is your ally. Nothing to do with whether the liquid is ‘insulating’ or not.

        The water soaks up a ton of the heat in the equation, that’s why you do it.

        • DrollRemark says:

          RPS: The science of spit.

        • InternetBatman says:

          Wouldn’t that be a problem because of longer exposure though? The water soaks up a lot of heat, but then that heat stays next to your skin?

          • Psykhe says:

            But it doesn’t stay near your skin. It evaporates. Which causes it to leech even more heat from the vicinity.

            “Longer exposure” causes problems because after a few seconds in the flame all the water from the spit on your finger has evaporated away and you’re again unprotected.

      • MajorManiac says:

        I am rather surprised by the number of commenter’s who have never put a candle out this way.

        Did none of you have a naughty childhood? Anyway giving the tips of your fingers a quick lick and pinching the hot end (for no more than half a second) leaves you with the rewarding feeling… that you conquered fire.

      • zachforrest says:

        You can your hand in molten metal if its wet. (I believe they did this on myth busters). It’s some effect (can’t remember the name) but its the same thing that cases water to skitter around a hot hob rather than just evaporate

      • LeMonde says:

        Especially true for dragons.

    • analydilatedcorporatestyle says:

      It appears in his new incarnation Garrett is a swallower!

  3. Low Life says:


    Did you remember to lick your fingers when you tried that? And not just a small lick, you gotta get those things proper wet.

  4. Chandos says:

    The trick, Mr. Meer, is not to mind that it hurts.

    • Mallgoth says:

      I’m looking forward to this game; it’ll be fun.

    • Henson says:

      Are you sure? Nothing is written.

    • Lenderz says:

      This comment really made me smile, thanks for that.

      Also Americans doing dates wrong really confuses me. It’s like they chose the most illogical and most confusing way of reading a calendar simply to be obtuse and irritating.

      • F3ck says:

        …we write it how we say it: March (3) Twenty-eighth (28) Twenty Thirteen (2013)…

        You know, I took one look at the Euro format (day/month/year) and said “oh, the day/month are reversed” and never gave it a second thought…

        …if you continue to take these things so personally it’ll just be that much harder to shed England’s emasculated image…

        • woodsey says:

          Pff, the way you say it makes no sense either! “June the 8th”, for instance, suggests there has only ever been 7 previous months of June. Doesn’t help that you’re just about the only ones who say/write it like that, either.

          Clearly, American tyranny knows no bounds.

          • zenjestre says:

            think of it like “june’s 8th day” and it makes more sense.

            i don’t get it though, commenting about different dating styles is as efficacious as commenting about the whole accent thing. we grew up in different countries, we talk a different way. i can’t think of much out there that makes more sense than that.

            on the other hand, i really wish i understood centimeters and all that jargon. inches aren’t even a thing. but i went to most school in a small farming town in iowa, so that’s all i get to know. also, how to dig an enormous dog’s grave.

          • Safilpope says:

            This is why they developed the international standard date and time notation. YYYY/MM/DD
            Why nobody thinks to use this is a mystery, its a godsend when it comes to records and filing!

          • kharnevil says:

            No! ISO 8601, “2013-03-29” if you use any other format you are internationally acknowledged as ‘wrong’. See you in the Hague.

          • Eldiran says:

            Y’know, I actually don’t like the “official” YYYY/MM/DD from a reader’s perspective. I know it’s great for computers, but as a person glancing at a date, the year is usually the least important part of it (assuming you’re working with recent stuff). Which is probably why US’ format is basically the official format, but with the year at the end. Seems a bit more sensical when you think of it that way.

        • FriendlyFire says:

          England? Just about only the US uses MM/DD/YY. It’s so utterly confusing it’s maddening. DD/MM/YY might not be ideal, but MM/DD/YY is just nonsensical in every way.

          • Guzzleguts says:

            They have to be different just to feel like they have an identity. It’s like when a teenager dyes their hair pink. I would really like to know the origin of this particular one though.

          • OddsAgainst says:

            YYYYMMDD is so superior.

            link to

      • anark10n says:

        True so. Why have the smallest unit of the whole in the middle? The UK and International one both have a logical flow, ascending and descending respectively. How is having the day in the middle make sense?

    • Bhazor says:

      I’m still cautious. There may be honor among thieves, but there’s none in publishers.

  5. Snargelfargen says:

    This is clearly just a response to the fuss about Garrett’s black fingernail polish.

    • bongosabbath says:

      Everyone knows fingernails, if not properly painted, glow in the dark.

  6. GeeKay says:

    I will never get used to the American orientation of dates.

    • Fred S. says:

      I’ve been on dates like that myself.

      • Josh W says:

        Walk up to each other in a smokey room, turn off the lights. Rely of personal chemistry from then on. A high risk strategy for sure.

    • Solidstate89 says:

      Nor will we ever get used to yours.

      We can either embrace our differences and learn to get along, or meet on the field of battle.

      I will wait by the Watchtower at Noon. You can either come with a white flag or your best rapier. You decide what happens next.

      • Ross Angus says:

        Brother and sisters. Let us not fight, when the people of ISO have already decided this for us.

        link to

        Come, let us unite, and take them down. Together.

        • thegooseking says:

          Did you see the recent xkcd where he was promoting ISO 8601 but one of the examples he claimed was ‘wrong’ actually was ISO 8601? That made me nerd-rage.

          • Shooop says:

            Hell with it. Let’s just nuke time itself.

            It’s the only way to be sure.

          • HothMonster says:

            Yeah, screw this I’m still writing all my dates in cat silhouette.

          • analydilatedcorporatestyle says:

            I think they are flying B-2’s over time at this moment hoping for a reaction!

        • DrollRemark says:

          Even as a Brit I am willing to concede that the Japanese date format is the best. There is absolutely no good excuse for the American system though.

          • ScubaMonster says:

            Down with the metric system too!

          • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

            Pish to the inanity of metric and Imperial measurements. When the revolution comes we shall all bask in the glory of the Furlong/Fortnight/Firkin system of measures.

          • Llewyn says:

            With the fundamental question being how many firkins to the fortnight.

          • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

            The only possible answer is as many as possible.

          • analydilatedcorporatestyle says:

            Just seen a guy with black fingernails running down the street cackling with laughter his pockets crammed full of spiles and taps shouting ‘enjoy your beer fortnight now Lord Custard Smingleigh’

          • baozi says:

            It’s not only the Japanese system, it’s also the Chinese system and the Korean system.

          • Guzzleguts says:

            Presumably you’re not referring to the absurd Japanese system of naming the year after reigning Emperor, eg: 37th year of Showa, or 12 year of Meiji etc. Because that is one of the worst ideas ever. They should probably scrap it.

          • Josh W says:

            Hmm, I like the sound of microfornights 1.2 per second, which should give me a little more time to do everything.

        • beetle says:

          Say NO to ISO:
          link to

      • eclipse mattaru says:

        I’m more of a Zweihander kind of dueler myself. With a touch of charcoal pine resin.

    • Phendron says:

      Stuff the Commonwealth does is adorable, what with your zeds and your backwards driving.

      • MarcP says:

        The Commonwealth: England, Japan, Australia, South Africa and India.

        Here I thought those jokes about Americans and geography were just that.

        • MarcP says:

          Oh, my bad. You English-speaking people and your weird names looking awfully similar to unrelated stuff for the rest of the world.

    • zenjestre says:

      i will never get used to how you people find our babies so delicious so take that, entire nation i don’t know much about other than from gangster movies and spy novels and the racism that every american is issued, gratis, on his 4th birthday.

      incidentally, why are all your gangsters so devilishly charming, handsome and witty? ours tend to be average-looking depressives with marital problems. kind of like your spies.

      • El_Emmental says:

        That’s because the gangsters are spies, actually.

        And vice versa.

  7. ehsfoewa says:

    Really looking forward to actual gameplay videos. I’m not crazy about the Garrett design but Thief does open-ended levels so perfectly that I can let it slide.

  8. jonfitt says:

    Is that it? That’s not a trailer it’s a banner ad in a youtube window.
    Can we be teased by showing us less than we’ve already seen?

    • Dervish says:

      “Can we be teased by showing us less than we’ve already seen?”

      Haha, well put.

      • zenjestre says:

        i went to a burlesque show the other night where the lady went on stage naked, then over the course of thirty breathtaking minutes proceeded to slowly dress.

        which actually seems like a lucrative idea, what with having way more places to stuff bills into.

  9. GallonOfAlan says:

    I am quietly confident of some primo tafferage.

  10. sbs says:

    I hope the soundtrack isnt going to be all epic and stuff, the music in the thief games was always just so fucking cool.

    • nblake42 says:

      Unfortunately from the clip released in the last issue of GameInformer, it sounds like Paul Weir has gone for a generic Hollywood-esque orchestral score rather than anything more Eric Brosiusy.

      • Stochastic says:

        These wall-to-wall orchestral scores are starting to get really tiresome.

        I wonder if it’s easier to compose a formulaic orchestral score vs. something more melodic and original, and given that game composers are given such tight deadlines to work in, that’s why there’s been a trend towards them in recent years? Or maybe game publishers just want videogames to be even more like movies.

        • nblake42 says:

          Personally I would think it would be more difficult to create a orchestral score. But I suppose because of big blockbuster movie comparisons it gives the impression of sounding epic and expensive. Here’s hoping there’s still elements of industrial breakbeat and atmospheric soundscapes to give a more Thief-like style to the audio, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that doesn’t turn out to be true.

  11. Alexander says:

    Like a bo… Thief.

  12. meathelix says:

    Hey, that’s Monaco’s tagline!

    • lasikbear says:

      “What’s Monaco’s is Thiefs’s”

    • TychoCelchuuu says:

      I’m glad someone else noticed too. I guess if any game is going to steal something, it might as well be Thief…

    • Tomac says:

      Weird that they have “What’s yours is mine.” when the actual quote from Garrett is “What’s yours can be mine.”.

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.

  13. mehteh says:

    Cant wait to see how they ruin yet another PC franchise for consoles. beyond the stupid focus ability of course

    • Hilden2000 says:

      Why wait, just go play Deadly Shadows!

      • db1331 says:

        Don’t forget to play it in 3rd person, using only the dagger (no pussy blackjack!). Also, install it on a 7200RPM drive to really feel those load times in the middle of the levels.

        • Low Life says:

          Pff, real men rock 5400 RPM. Also, just thinking of the absolutely awful implementation of loading in that game (and Invisible War) makes me want to smash my computer. It basically restarted the entire game client whenever you loaded, the experience only made worse on moden computers with constant resolution switches due to non-existing widescreen support. Raaaaaaaargh! SMASH!

  14. derbefrier says:

    nothing i have read so far gives me any hope for this game. All signs point towards a Dishonored type game instead of a thief gamer. This is one of those times were I wouldn’t mind being wrong though.

  15. db1331 says:



    That new character design just looks SO. FUCKING. AWFUL. He looks like some amateur playing dress up as a SUPER BADAZZ THEEEF. Somebody the original Garrett would make fun of.

    • Ross Angus says:

      I feel your pain. But at least it’s not third person, eh?

      • nblake42 says:

        Except of course when you’re climbing, which has been confirmed as being in third person. Whoo…

        • zenjestre says:

          i do not want you to be serious

          • KenTWOu says:

            Lights, Camera… Hey, Where’d He Go?

            Are there any 3rd person elements?

            Yes, we do have some 3rd person elements — but they’re really kept to a minimum, we don’t have a lot. 3rd person is used to improve your awareness of your surroundings — for example, during vertical navigation. We’re really taking particular care to make sure that we’re not jarring players back-and-forth between cameras.

        • Gentlemoth says:

          To be fair though, none of the other thief games had climbing, just a lot of rope climbing, rope arrows, and platforming on pipes and chimneys.

          I’m sure that will mean we’ll have even more freedom to move around than ever befpfahahahahaha no.

          • nblake42 says:

            The other Thief games had loads of climbing, what with the rope arrows (as you mention) in 1 and 2, and the wall climbing (using the gloves) in Deadly Shadows.

  16. Jason Moyer says:

    Oh man, a short video of Garrett extinguishing a candle. THIEF IS RUINED 4 EVAR.

    • ScubaMonster says:

      Obviously he won’t even need to use stealth to extinguish the candles. He’ll just run up and manhandle them!

      • ResonanceCascade says:

        Clearly this game is just going to be Brosassin’s Creed of Duty. My life is ruined.

      • Grargh says:

        What’s worse, you’ll certainly have to watch this cutscene everytime you press the snuff-a-candle button.

        • Samwise Gamgee says:

          I am hoping for plenty of quick-time event candle snuffing action. Press S-N-U-F-F! Congratulations, achievement get!

  17. ran93r says:

    As sad as it is, even if this is awful, I will play it multiple times and spend the rest of my days rocking back and forth in a dark room waiting for another helping.

  18. yabonn says:

    I want a trailer with a Hammerite guard whistling. I want to believe.

    • Ross Angus says:

      You are so right. It’s the whistling in Dishonored which most reminded me of Thief.

  19. Shooop says:

    Indeed it does. For more than one reason.

  20. SilentDawn says:

    4/2/13? that was almost 2 months ago! what kind of sorcery is this?!

  21. Lim-Dul says:

    “What’s yours is mine?” – that’s the motto of Monaco… -.-

    link to

    Garret’s quote should be “What’s yours can be mine.” as pointed out by Tomac above. Lame.

  22. bongosabbath says:

    I hope Jesper Kyd does the soundtrack. He knows how to score a good sneak ’em up.

  23. Kevin Costner says:

    Blimey! – that was soooo fake – everyone knows you have to get you fingers wet!

    Also, the date is all wrong…the numbers are all transposed…I don’t understand…stupid Americans!

    …oh, before I forget, this game is going to suck because his outfit is different and the other pretend suit from before was way less make-believe or something and I played games in 2000 so everything is terrible by comparison and you’ll see I was right all along.

    There, am I doing it right?

  24. Flakfizer says:

    I didn’t expect a snuff movie …

  25. psepho says:

    Oh god, how much do I hate his look?

    I was playing Thief Gold this evening (coincidence) and the prospect of Garrett reinvented as a teen escapee from Buffy is just heart-breaking. I am actually going to cry.

  26. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:



    • Stochastic says:

      Don’t even joke about such things. By chance, have they happened to announce some kind of “Batman vision”? It seems to be all the rage these days.

      EDIT: *sigh* It appears they have indeed added a “Focus” mode to the game.

    • Durkonkell says:



      Terribly sorry, Colonel Smingleigh. Let me get you a napkin.

  27. chargen says:

    Wait Thaif stole Monaco’s tagline? That’s pathetic. I guess a $100 million whatever budget can’t buy you any wit.

    And the candle doesn’t hurt our boy Garrett. You don’t know what his pain is like, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, he’s moving out of here when he’s 18, yaddayadda.

    Game is starting out at 0 so far, but at least it has nowhere to go but up as they trickle out more info.

  28. KirbyEvan says:

    I have a bad feeling about this game but I hope I’m proven wrong by the gameplay videos.

  29. Sintua says:

    Just so we’re clear, isn’t that the exact same tagline Monaco has?

  30. Turkey says:

    “What’s yours is mine… until 1/3rd into the game when I become the dark anti-hero chosen to save the world and I’m no longer concerned with wealth.”

    • Grape Flavor says:

      God, you people depress me. It amazes me how you keep trotting out all these incredibly specific criticisms of some imaginary mental conception of a game we actually know nothing about.

      Seriously, the RPS readership has despised this game ever since it was first announced, based on basically no information whatsoever.

      Although it is kind of hilarious that we went through the EXACT same pre-emptive gnashing and wailing and moaning about Deus Ex: Human Revolution, the game turned out just fine, this is by the same developer and we have to go through this whole unpleasantness all over again. Old habits die hard, I guess.

      • Muzman says:

        It’s by a different team in the same developer, but if it inherits Human Revolution’s quite pathetic stealth and (at times) level design that will be a disaster.

      • El_Emmental says:

        Yeah, let’s not judge anything before the game is released, so we don’t disturb the pre-orders and release-day purchases – and let the marketing team behind this get away with this crap.

        I don’t know how you forgot DE:HR was modified (allowing people to toggle off some elements) thanks to pre-release feedback.

      • Grargh says:

        It’s the only defense against industry-forced hype.

        If we let the hype take us, we will without the shadow of a doubt be disappointed. If we practise pessimism to counter that, the actual game might become a pleasent surprise.

    • Vivian says:

      What, like in Thief 2?

  31. LeMonde says:

    The tyranny of low expectations strike hard with this one.

    But shouldn’t there be a bit more optimism given the overall quality of DX:HR?

    • analydilatedcorporatestyle says:

      The factory that makes steampunk crates, boxes and low wall graphics are running a 24-7 operation, sadly…

  32. Scratches Beard With Pipe Stem says:

    He looks like he is scared of catching the flu.

  33. Cloudiest Nights says:

    And then Monaco’s tagline was stolen. What will we do!?

    • chargen says:

      Point out how shitty it is for a AAA game to steal a small indie’s tagline I guess. Then bitch about people pointing this out because it makes us look edgy and ahead of the game, whoopteedoo.

  34. popedoo says:

    Yes! A third bit of Thief news in as many weeks! :)


  35. b3rnwa says:

    can they not just release gameplay footage? it’s all very well wetting our appetites but you’ve not really given us much to be excited about… :/

  36. 11temporal says:

    What the fuck is the point of this shit teaser? Pissing off potential customers?