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Because Why Not: Total War Has The Biggest Screenshot

IN A WORLD where game publishers are all in competition over very silly, largely pointless things for no real apparent reason…

[Scene: the world]

Sega: “Push the button.”

Creative Assembly: “This is madness. We can’t do it. If we take this step, there’s no turning back. Not just for us, but for the world.”

[Scene: still the world]

Epic: “Did you see the readout coming from Sega? They’re just mad enough to do it.”

Crytek: “But why? This is going to change everything. We’ll have to fire back with something even bigger. Somehow. Otherwise, the Graphics Wars will be lost.”

Epic: “It’s a goddamn arms race from here on out. Best buckle up, kid.”

[Scene: that first portion of the world again]

Sega: “PUSH THE BUTTON. PUSH IT NOW. FOR ROOOOOOOOOOOME.”

[Scene: space]

An astronaut, gazing down at Earth: “Sweet mother of god.”

The new Total War: Rome II screenshot is visible from space, I think, is what I was trying to say there. Because seriously, have a look at it for yourself. Creative Assembly and Sega are touting it as the Biggest Total War Screenshot Ever, which comes in the wake of the near-equally absurd Once Biggest Total War Screenshot Ever. What’s the point of all this? I have absolutely no idea. But here we are:

“In AD 9, the Roman general Publius Quinctilius Varus and the 17th, 18th and 19th legions were ambushed in Germania. 15,000 Romans walked into Teutoburg Forest. Not one walked out. Varus’ defeat was every bit as stunning as Scipio’s victory over Carthage (the subject of our last panorama) and it shook the empire to its very foundations.”

“Recreating the massacre of Teutoberg Forest in the Total War™: ROME II engine was no small task, and we thought it deserved a panoramic screenshot of its own. At 30000 x 9785 pixels, Welcome to the new WORLD’S BIGGEST TOTAL WAR SCREENSHOT!”

YEAH OR WHATEVER I GUESS. I’m not sure if it’s the biggest officially released promotional screenshot of any game ever, but it’s definitely up there. So there you have it: this is some kind of milestone. An incredibly silly, kind of dumb one, but a milestone nonetheless.

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Nathan Grayson

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