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Please Watch This Dumb Blood Dragon Live-Action Short

This is probably also the greatest videogame movie of all time by default. Welp, now I'm sad.

And by “dumb,” I mean wonderful. Maybe even brilliant, in the sense that Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon seems on track to be a neon-emblazoned clown who secretly conceals both a high-powered laser rifle and an Ivy League college degree. That also fires lasers. The bits we’ve been shown lovingly satirize everything – ’80s action flicks, shooters, modern games, old games – with a surgically deft robo hand. Far Cry 3, eat your heart out. Otherwise, the blood dragons (which are actual things) will do it for you. This live-action mini-epic is no different, combining low-budget special effects, terrible costuming, and glorious over-acting to make… something. I can’t do it justice with these words of mine. They’re incapable of producing a synth-dirge soundtrack, and without that, I am lost. See the movie for yourself after the break.

To clarify – because I can see the emotional investment welling up in your eyes, preparing to explode forth in a nuclear rainbow of feeling – that wasn’t┬áSargent Rex Power Colt. I’m not exactly sure where he was during the CYBERWAR, but it looks like Commander Bolt Lightning (yes, real name) had everything handled. That was a joke, you see, because non-pun-based humor wasn’t invented until the early ’90s.

But yes, can this become a series? The film, I mean. The game too, I guess, but I haven’t actually played it yet. Regardless, bravo, Ubisoft and Corridor Digital. That was admirably idiotic in all the right ways. Would that more games embraced their inherent silliness.

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon will be out on May 1st. Craig found its linearity to be a bit stifling in comparison to Far Cry 3’s sandbox-y madness, but he was otherwise quite delighted by all the pretty colors and apocalypses within apocalypses. In just a couple weeks, it will be 2007. Will you be there?

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Nathan Grayson

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