And by “dumb,” I mean wonderful. Maybe even brilliant, in the sense that Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon seems on track to be a neon-emblazoned clown who secretly conceals both a high-powered laser rifle and an Ivy League college degree. That also fires lasers. The bits we’ve been shown lovingly satirize everything – ’80s action flicks, shooters, modern games, old games – with a surgically deft robo hand. Far Cry 3, eat your heart out. Otherwise, the blood dragons (which are actual things) will do it for you. This live-action mini-epic is no different, combining low-budget special effects, terrible costuming, and glorious over-acting to make… something. I can’t do it justice with these words of mine. They’re incapable of producing a synth-dirge soundtrack, and without that, I am lost. See the movie for yourself after the break.
To clarify – because I can see the emotional investment welling up in your eyes, preparing to explode forth in a nuclear rainbow of feeling – that wasn’t Sargent Rex Power Colt. I’m not exactly sure where he was during the CYBERWAR, but it looks like Commander Bolt Lightning (yes, real name) had everything handled. That was a joke, you see, because non-pun-based humor wasn’t invented until the early ’90s.
But yes, can this become a series? The film, I mean. The game too, I guess, but I haven’t actually played it yet. Regardless, bravo, Ubisoft and Corridor Digital. That was admirably idiotic in all the right ways. Would that more games embraced their inherent silliness.
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon will be out on May 1st. Craig found its linearity to be a bit stifling in comparison to Far Cry 3’s sandbox-y madness, but he was otherwise quite delighted by all the pretty colors and apocalypses within apocalypses. In just a couple weeks, it will be 2007. Will you be there?