I’m actually afraid to play Assassin’s Creed III’s Tyranny of King Washington DLC. It’s been on my List Of Vaguely Tantalizing Curiosities for quite some time, but I’m sick with worry that it can’t possibly live up to the madness its trailers boast. I mean, so far we’ve seen ghost eagles, mind-controlled Benjamin Franklin, and Washington sauntering – dual pistols cocked, nostrils flared and lips slyly pursed – like he’s on a catwalk at some eeeeeevil fashion show. And now? Now there is a pyramid. In the middle of New York. For those not in the know/possibly from space, that is not a place where pyramids traditionally go. Watch the trailer and join me in wondering what manner of strange, wonderful brain worm has infested Ubisoft after the break.
Pyramid-cathedral rooftop showdowns! Earthquake bears! A weird, awkward break in the line “We will soon march upon our enemy”! It is, in other words, time for a very silly, admirably improbable showdown. The end of King Washington’s angry, shouty reign is nigh.
“Ratonhnhaké:ton’s journey concludes in the third and final episode, The Redemption, taking gamers to New York to discover the power of the bear, allowing them to strike their foes with unimaginable strength. Our hero will call upon all of the abilities tied to his native heritage in order to break into the monarch fortress and put an end to the tyranny of King Washington.”
Somehow, though, I doubt we’ll actually end up assassinating Washington. In spite of everything else, I feel like maybe that’s taking things a step or two over the line. But then, I suppose we’ll see. I killed several million robo-Washingtons in BioShock Infinite, so anything’s possible.
Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny of King Washington: Redemption: The Game With So Many Colons That Even Its Main Character’s Name Has One is out now. You can grab it from Steam, Uplay, and the like. Also, if you’ve already invested some time into the other episodes, are they any good? Or, put another way, will they sate my lust for sheer series spin-off madness until Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon comes out?