Total War: Rome II has a release date. Facts, straight at the front. That’s what I’m all about: business. Focused on the matter at hand, not allowing myself to wander off and start writing about bees or nostrils, like some airheaded buffoon. Too many gaming sites these days seem to think that they, the author – in my case John Walker, aged 35, living in Bath, son of Meg and Hugh, about 5’11”, blue/green eyes, first class degree in Youth & Community Work And Applied Theology, married, no children, one cat – are the more important aspect of the story rather than the news itself, the precious pieces of information for which the reader has come to the website, not wanting it to be obfuscated amongst trivial nonsense about the writer’s breakfast (I didn’t even have any breakfast today, so couldn’t tell you if I wanted to) or what colour socks they’re wearing. (Black.)
Oh shit, the date. It’s the 3rd September 2013. And that’s everywhere, all at once, digital and physical. No oceans, woo!
Obviously there are pre-orders, but as an RPS reader you know better than to pre-order anything, because that’s a stupid thing to do. And if anyone’s in the mood to get wound up about something, pre-orderers will get the first DLC on release day, the Greek States Culture Pack which includes three playable factions – Epirus, Athens and Sparta. Here’s a trailer to rub that in:
The real madness here is this digital download pre-order costs a whopping £45. It seems impossible to believe they’ll be charging that much on release? Surely not?
There’s also word that there’s to be a Collector’s Edition, but only 22,000 of them will be made.
“comes in a debossed Steelbook™ case, laser-etched with your unique collector’s number in Roman numerals”
because if there’s anything we know about PC gaming, it’s that it’s the box that matters the most. You’ll also get a tabula board and pieces, some dice for that, a card game called Total War Cards: PUNIC WARS (I imagine you’re supposed to shout the latter half), a canvas map (and okay, here I stop feeling cynical and just applaud Sega), and a “fully functional Onager, or Roman siege catapult”. I swear, that’s what they say:
“A complete, fully-functional Onager, or Roman siege catapult. This easy-to-assemble kit is constructed from weathered wood and steel…”
Wait, but, what now? And then: oh.
“measures 26cm x 12cm x 12cm, and is capable of unleashing small projectiles at a variety of inanimate objects which may have affronted the glory of your empire.”
How very disappointing. Unless… unless they’ve accidentally typed “cm” when they meant “m”. I bet that’s it!
All yours for the bargain basement price of £109.99 for a game that isn’t finished and no one can say is worth buying or not!