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Don't Bother With The Batman: Arkham Origins Teaser

Reading this alt-text will probably be more worthwhile than watching that teaser. Honestly, advertising! If you're going to take up valuable time, at least make it worth the effort. Reward us for the time we engaged in your silly little attempt to open our wallets. Yes, I'm talking about cat pics. If this was just a Windows Movie Maker video of cat pics with midi music, and the ending said: 'come back for the proper trailer next week', it would be better than what you made.

What can you do in 41 seconds? Clean answers only, please. I ask because that’s the length of the first Batman: Arkham Origins trailery thing, and your time might be better spent elsewhere. You could clean out a dirty nail, or pick your nose, or maybe check that you flushed the toilet the last time you were in there. If you’re determined to watch it, let me quickly break down what you’re about to see: if, say, you wanted to ignore the logos then you’d be down to 11 seconds of footage of Batman fighting new series villain Deathstroke. And if you only wanted to see in-game footage, then the trailer would be exactly zero seconds long. Of course, they’ll argue it was a teaser trailer, and that the full trailer is out on May 20th. In which case I’ll actually have to add those days to my count, which means that this trailer is minus 345641 seconds long.

Net result: I know more about the ESRB and the people that make the game than I know about the game itself. It’s not news to me that Batman and Deathstroke punch each other. That was inevitable. I feel teased, sure, but in the negative sense of the word.

I hope there are big things in the May 20th trailer, or you will have my scorn a second time.

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Craig Pearson

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