Now With Real Molyneux Quotes: Molyjam 2 This Weekend

What would a Molyneux deux if a Molyneux participated in Molyjam Deux?

Game jams are majestic creatures of unbridled creativity that come in all shapes and sizes, but the original Molyjam might just have been one of the best. That, however, left Molyjam’s organizers in a bit of a pickle: How do you top ideas born of an absurdly clever Peter Molyneux parody Twitter account? But then – presumably while sitting under an acorn tree that had taught countless passersby how to love – they were struck with inspiration: why not just go back to the original source? So instead of asking “What would Molydeux,” this year’s jam actually focuses on good old Molyneux himself. His quotes, his promises, your games.

Molyjam Deux goes from July 5-7, and it’s already up and running in some timezones. Tons of locations all over the world are playing host to physical jam spaces, and you can check here to see if your city (or rural farmstead, or sunless ice cavern) is one of them. Here are the whats and whys:

“We have decided on this year’s theme – actual, out-of-context quotes from the real Peter Molyneux. Molyneux is a man who needs no assistance when it comes to parody. His own words are strong enough. Who but Molyneux has the strength to say things like, ‘Pull the right trigger to see The Most Interesting Thing In The World.’ Or, ‘It’s you Americans. There’s something about nipples you hate.'”

“Molyjam isn’t about sequels. Molyjam is about changing everything. Change is good – without change we die, alone in the pits of despair.”

The organizers have provided 22 (heh) handpicked quotes, but you’re free to plumb the Internet’s un-forgetting depths for your own as well. If you can’t make it out to a jam space, there’s also the option to work remotely or – if your fingertips bring only ruin, never life – you can simply watch a stream and opt out of participation.

So then, who’s planning to jam the weekend away? Also, which quote are you using?


  1. The Random One says:

    Well, Americans do hate nipples. That’s why they call the man a visionary.

  2. Wang Tang says:

    I can see some amazing games coming from some of the quotes.

    Part of the fun of dogs is they misbehave and can be enormously embarrassing to the owner.

    FPDogsitter immersive sim. Stop your dog from shitting on the neighbors lawn, or kill your neighbor instead? Your choice!

    I keep finding myself rejected by men, which is a new experience for me.

    Adventure game. You play as a beautiful post-medieval prostitute, who happens to have been grown a second belly button. Now you’re on a quest to search for the last non-burned witch to remove it again. Since men don’t find you attractive anymore because of your double belly button, you have to gain money for the trip in other ways: find hidden treasures, steal from a gang of fat monks, steal from a gang of fat monkeys. Also: lots of humour and adventure in-jokes abound.

    You know what this industry’s like, as soon as there is the scent of death, everyone jumps on the hearse.

    Multiplayer economy simulation! Set in a Steampunk Western Town in America, you play as a coffin seller against other players, each trying to construct their own mega-corporation of death. Buy materials, sell coffins, fuel demand by hiring headhunters. Outbid other players for family funerals and sabotage their coffins with wood worms!

    Some people leave artwork, some people do rude things, other people then turn those rude things into nice things.

    Well, that’s obviously Drawception.

    • nearly says:

      well, and then there’s the quote: “If you love your dog, we’re gonna mess with your mind, man. You’re not going to be able to go to bed.”

      wasn’t sure if I should laugh about it or call a humane society just to make sure he’s on the “no adopt” list already.

  3. ShockLobster says:

    One consistent fact with Molyneux games: they’re far less disappointing if you never listen to a word out of that man’s mouth.

  4. Cloudiest Nights says:

    THANK YOU for the reminder! Just started my project and its gonna be amazing and weird.

    In honor of Peter Molyneux, I’ll give you a taste of what it entails. First, there’s gonna be 2D sprites supported by Oculus Rift, and it will bring a new dimension and revolutionize the way games are played. Second, your mind will literally be blown if you lose.

    • domogrue says:

      I think you’re sitting like 30 feet away from me dude.

      • Cloudiest Nights says:

        Haha, well if you’re in my house then yes. I was just trying to say something outlandish, and I can’t believe someone may actually be doing that! Good luck, btw

    • sabasNL says:

      Thinking of your vague hints gave me a dream about playing the original Wolfensteins with something like the Oculus Rift… It was a great dream.

      Anyways, it sure does sound interesting. Good luck!

  5. The Laughing Owl says:

    I bought the Bullfrog pack from yesterday. I like to pretend Peter Molyneux disappeared in the 90’s and was forever regarded as a genius of the gaming industry instead of badmouthed all the time.

  6. MadTinkerer says:

    While there are many whiny complainers who constantly moan about Peter Molyneux expressing his God-given (or possibly randomly evolved) right to free speech just because he mentions things which do not appear in his games, I took it as the most important lesson on game design I have ever learned.

    Peter Molyneux’s constant “broken promises” taught me three important things:

    1) You always need to cut something in order to finish a game. Often, you need to cut things you really wanted to include.

    2) This should not discourage you from having ambitious designs, but you should realize that you will need to cut more the more ambitious the design is.

    3) Peter actually ships games with a fraction of his ambition because he’s willing to curtail that ambition, but he never knows at the start what he’s going to cut. But that’s better than shipping 25 Madden games without even that fraction of ambition.

    3D Realms stopped shipping games because they couldn’t handle points 1 and 2. Half Life 2 episode 3 is now unofficially Half Life 3 and officially taken as much time as Half Life 2 because Valve can’t handle points 1 and 2. The companies that made Kingdoms of Amalur and L.A. Noire both shipped but went under right afterwards because they couldn’t handle points 1 and 2. Ion Storm went under because they actually shipped Daikatana with most of the ideas John Romero intended, but those ideas were rushed and badly implemented. Same with the original version of APB. Brutal Legend would have destroyed Double Fine if they hadn’t cut it down to half of it’s intended size.

    Games are cancelled all the time, most we never even hear about, because it turns out the ideas behind them are impractical for one reason or another. Sometimes point 1 demands the entire game needs to be cut in order to ship other games.

    If you complain about what Peter Molyneaux says, that’s because you want him to be like 3D Realms and Ion Storm and Realtime Worlds. You want him to fulfill every idea he invents, because you can’t understand points 1 and 2. Now, I’m not telling you to stop being a whiny little unsatisfied complaining self-entitled average spoiled Internet user. But I do ask that you be aware that you are asking him to fail or be silent. This is a free society, so shame on you for telling him to do the latter. The realities of game development and the shattered corpses of companies with too-ambitious leaders shame you for asking him to do the former.

    EDIT: P.S. Even Fable 3 with all it’s issues is fucking magic compared to dominoes and bridge and marbles and twenty questions and the previous ten thousand years of limitations on game design, you ungrateful bastard. I’m just saying.

    • tranchera says:

      Asking him to be silent isn’t some sort of oppression of his free speech. He’s allowed to talk about his games, but it’s been proven that him going on about his ambitious ideas that eventually won’t make it into the game is bad for business. He’s allowed to have ambitions, but he doesn’t have to vocalize every single one in the public like they’re actually going to happen. It’s in his best interest to say less about his games.

      PS. Your last point really sucks. That’s like saying we can’t complain about Transformers because the special effects are way better than anything created fourty years ago. Sure, they are, but the movie still sucks. As technology gets bigger and better so do expectations rise.

      • MarcP says:

        People too dumb to exercise some judgement forcing smarter people to stay silent is the worst kind of oppression to free speech. It drags everything down.

    • Scrooge McDuck says:

      You are basically saying that people are entitled to break a promise because they didn’t know whether they could keep it at the time it was made. I fail to see how that correlates to free speech at all.

      • AngoraFish says:

        “Break a promise” is one of the most inappropriately used cliches in the English language, this and lowprices‘s comment below being cases in point.

      • MadTinkerer says:

        No, I’m saying people “break their promises” all the time. Every single person in the industry does it every single time they start a new game. Very few games have ever shipped with all the features proposed in the GDD, and every one that has come close, has been a miserable failure (again, see Daikatana and Duke Nukem Forever).

        The difference with Peter is that he’s open about what his ideas are. He’s open about what he wants from the start of every project. Some want him to shut up about it because only a little of what he talks about ends up in his games, so he’s “breaking promises” by cutting out things he talks about. My point is that everyone does this. EVERYONE. Except most don’t talk about their projects at all until Marketing gives them the talking points.

        Should Tom Francis shut up because not everything he mentioned in his blog ended up in the final version of Gunpoint? Should Notch shut up because they haven’t implemented fancy oceans in Minecraft yet? Should Jeb shut up because he hasn’t finished the Mod API yet? Should John Blow shut up about The Witness because he’s had to cut out some bits and rearrange a few parts? Should Gabe Newell have shut down Valve and given up because the Borealis and the Air Exchange never ended up in Half Life 2? Should Gabe Newell have shut down Valve and given up because they needed one last drastic rewrite of Portal 2 after the huge Game Informer article which described quite a lot of things which never appeared in Portal 2? Should Tim Shaefer give up on Broken Age because he admitted he knew from the beginning they’d need more money to finish? Apparently, this is what people want.

        “Broken promises” is the game development process. “Broken promises” leads to all the best games that have ever shipped. I want Broken Promises. The only way to avoid Broken Promises is to do exactly what Valve have been doing, which is a complete moratorium on talking about their games at all until they’re ready to ship.

        Are you curious to know about what’s been going on with Half Life 3 NO YOU DON’T. YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE GAME BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT “BROKEN PROMISES”. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS is all I’m saying. Gabe Newell knows he’s popular enough that he can’t talk about any Half Life games at all from now on. Because you will beat him up for breaking promises. You are the reason why no one gets to hear anything about the development of the most popular games.

        Thank you so very fucking much for that.

        • OMMad says:

          i think comparing any of molyneux’s recent work to half-life 3 and valve is the weakest point in your already weak argument. valve never promised anything regarding half-life episode 3, at least not explicitly. the fact that there would be a sequel was only implied by the cliffhanger ending of episode 2, valve themselves have never outright said that a sequel was in development.

          molyneux talks too much. i don’t doubt his ambition, i doubt his ability to realize it. i’m ambitious as well, i’m going to make a 3d pokemon/tamagotchi/monster rancher hybrid where monsters fight in teams of three, each with their own personalities and quirks, and there will be a complex and extensive training system where you can have them fight in formations with playcalling and real-time battles. now imagine i had concept art and magazine spreads for my game. and interviews in IGN and Gamespot (i doubt i could fool any writer at RPS with my bullshit). and then the game comes out and it’s buggy, only 3 monsters, no team battles, and painfully linear. you’d have every right to call bullshit when i did that again.

          molyneux sounds like the kind of guy who hates disappointing others, ironically. he hypes up a game based on the reaction of whoever is interviewing him because he can’t stand it when someone isn’t interested in his project. so he makes shit up as he goes, meanwhile his development team toil on in the background hoping none of that actually gets added into the game because they’re already on a deadline as it is and allowing your beast to jizz on villagers would take another month to implement and bug test.

          • Apolloin says:

            Nope. When you’ve gone round the magic roundabout a time or two as a Designer and looked back during the post-mortem at all the stuff that never made it into the game because, as it turns out, it’s expecting too much of a programmer to ask them to tell you exactly how long it’s going to take to ‘make the AI good’.

            Then you’ll know why you’re banned forever from drinking and talking to journalists at tradeshows (Looking at you, Jaffe!) and why nobody ever talks about their games until they’re in Beta anymore.

            If you guys only knew how much is left on the table post-release. All the stuff that you just never would have heard from, if it wasn’t for DLC.

        • Josh W says:

          If broken promises early in the dev cycle is the price of people being ambitious game designers, I’m easily willing to pay it, so long as people get a bit more honest as things get up to release.

          And release demos of course!

    • jrodman says:

      Maybe I’d have more patience for him if I’d played the fable games. Everything of his I’ve tried in the last 12 years or so has seemed like drek. The movies, black and white both were really blah as far as I’m concerned. B&W I found to be more exercises in annoyance than games.

      Populous, Syndicate I quite liked.

    • Harlander says:

      I generally read people talking about the esteemed Mr. Molyneux’s outlandish plans not as whining, but as an affectionate, gently eye-rolling, “Oh, Peter, you adorable scamp.”

      Or maybe that’s just how I see the whole thing.

    • scatterbrainless says:

      Using reasonable judgment to edit your game is fine. I think most people just wish that he extended the judgment he applies to his publicly released games to his publicly released statements. Freedom of speech might give you the right to say anything; it doesn’t make saying everything a good idea.

    • sabasNL says:

      You’re right on some points, but I think there’s one thing you forget.

      Most games now-a-days just promote themselves. What-you-see-is-what-you-get. Sometimes they make stupid trailers or commercials that build up gamer hype for no valid reason.

      That is not what Molyneux does.
      He promises a game. He promises things that will be in the game. It’s not there yet, it may never be there (which has been the truth quite some times now), but he does promise them.
      Other developers maintain a complete radio silence until they can show an alpha/beta version of the game to the press and eventually the public.

      Normal developers show us something physically there, and promise more.
      Peter Molyneux shows us nothing, has nothing, and promises us everything.

  7. lowprices says:

    Personally I think Molyneux is great, even if the man can’t keep a promise. I’d rather play games by someone who aims for exceptional and never gets there than someone who aims for adequate and achieves that consistently.

    • LionsPhil says:

      Ok. Now show me the far-reaching ambition in a game where you click on a cube repeatedly.

      I’m sorry. Peter Molyneux the game designer is dead (rest in peace you crazy diamond, etc.). He’s just another waste-of-space artisté now.

      • MadTinkerer says:

        So let’s see: he got hundreds of thousands of people to click on little tiles on a cube, and you’re asking where the ambition is in that. The reward at the end was at least unique, and you wonder where the ambition is. The whole shindig got him tons of attention and you’re wondering where the ambition is.

        Just because the ambition was simple, for a simple, highly experimental, prototype to base better things on, that doesn’t make it non-ambitious.

      • Apolloin says:

        Perhaps he should have made a sports game about that sporting guy who scored more points than the other sports guys? Or a man made from guns?

      • sidhellfire says:

        The truth is his games are dull, shallow and boring. While still having solid graphic design and code being quite polished these game provide minimal amount of fun. I encourage attempt to provide game that isn’t focused on violence or being an adaptation of sports game, or resemble any logic game commonly known to a man, but that requires only one thing from a game designer — to supply programmers with good design idea. We have none of that from Molyneux, so why praise him with attention? The only people he’s addressing successfully to are people who know nothing about gaming, and believe me, there are a lot of such people. Thus Peter Molyneux became a synonym for “Cute crappy games and oral bullshit” that combines great with marketeers rising his volume. Apply that most journalists are in age they had “intense gaming era” when that man did few (not dozens) good (not greatest) games back then, results in him showing up websites, that have naive people believing in crap he tells everyone.

  8. Leb says:

    I agree with the sentiment that if you don’t listen to what molyneux says his output isn’t too bad

  9. KhanIHelpYou says:

    When no one was looking, Peter Molynuex took twenty two cans.
    And that’s terrible.