A Brew-lliant Idea: Ampu-Tea

Keep Calm And Blargleflargle
The reason tea is so ubiquitous in Britain is because it is easy to make. It allows us to devote time to other British pursuits, like apologising or being flooded. You put the bag in the water and then you have tea. All you need is patience and working limbs. If you take away even one of those, then tea-making grinds (hah!) to a halt. Ampu-Tea is a survival horror game (if you’re British) about a soldier attempting to make tea with his newly attached robot limb. It’s like Surgeon Simulator 2013, but with mugs. The man in the trailer below is also quick to temper, which makes tea-ing even harder. Ah, post-traumatic stress. Hilarious!

As you can see, the influence of the flaily surgery sim is all too clear, and there’s even a mug in the game that thanks them for the inspiration. Aw, that’s nice. The rest is standard stuff: a difficult to control robot arm with independent finger, height, and direction controls that you need to balance perfectly in order to grab a mug, a teabag, the water, and sugar. Everything is precariously placed and wobbly. Can the joke sustain another game? It looks like a fun little diversion. I could see kids giggling away at this, actually.

There is a longer look at the mechanics, but it has been made by an American and I’m not sure he quite understands the subtleties of the tea process.


  1. Bhazor says:

    Sure enough there are already hundreds of videos of “internet celebrities” playing it.

  2. Brun says:

    In before Jaffa Cake Simulator 2014.

  3. mike2R says:

    “You put the bag in the water and then you have tea.”

    That would be what American’s call *shudder* tea… Let me refer you to the late, great, Douglas Adams:
    link to h-tea-o.net

    • Craig Pearson says:

      Disclaimer: tea disgusts me. MWAHAHAHA!

      • mike2R says:

        If that’s how you’ve been making it, I’m not surprised ;)

      • lordcooper says:

        I bet you’ve never even played tea.

      • Kaira- says:

        First Dark Souls, now this. Craig, you keep disappointing me.

      • LionsPhil says:

        Coffee is the far superior heated beverage.

        As long as you don’t scald it with boiling water, like the cretins who use coffee machines do. You want some nice instant granules and a kettle that’s off the boil.

        • Sparkasaurusmex says:


          • LionsPhil says:

            You can fritter about with a cafetière if you want, and I won’t deny it can lead to good results, but these are the everyday drinks of the working individual we are talking about here. Simple and straightforward, with no aspirations of grandeur, leads the way.

          • Sparkasaurusmex says:

            link to overstock.com

            that’s the way to go! It may take a tiny bit longer than instant…but it’s only about 3-4 minutes once you have the water ready. It surprised me how good an average coffee brand’s regular roast can be!

            (It’s just a funnel, really)

      • anark10n says:


    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Nonsense. As any fule kno, the first step to making tea the proper way is to locate suitable quantities of hydrogen and oxygen to make the water.

    • colw00t says:

      If there’s anything the British like more than tea, it’s arguing about how to make tea.

      • mike2R says:

        And looking at the practices of poor benighted colonials in horror and disgust.

        On that note, it recently came to my attention that in parts of America it is a thing to put a teabag in a cup of cold water, and then (please do not read further if you are of a sensitive disposition) put it in the microwave

        I thought we’d sorted this out centuries ago in the peace treaty that ended their war of independence: they could run their own country as long as they stopped doing cruel and unusual things to the tea.

        • Berzee says:

          Many years ago, colonists discovered that the most efficient way to make large quantities of tea is to use THE OCEAN as your kettle.

          Legend says if you sip the water in Boston Harbor, you can still taste the ghost of all that tea.

          • Berzee says:

            Ew, saltwater tea. I had not fully considered the implications of my legend. D:

          • darkChozo says:

            Speaking as someone who lives in Boston(ish), I can assure you that salt is the least of your problems if you decide to drink anything brewed from harborwater (or harbahwatah as it’s known in the local tongue).

        • colw00t says:

          I’ve seen putting a teabag into a cup of microwaved water, but I can’t recall ever seeing it done backwards like that. Sometimes a kettle is not available! I’m sure it has happened, the world is full of foolish people who can’t follow basic directions.

          Perhaps, as colonials go, I’m not poor or benighted ENOUGH?

          • Berzee says:

            I like to microwave the bag of tea for a couple of minutes and then put it in a cup of room-temperature spring water.

          • colw00t says:

            Personally I just microwave the cup and then put the bag in it and take it outside and wait for rain.

          • mike2R says:

            link to wikihow.com

            I’d advise sitting down before reading. Preferably not on a full stomach.

        • Ergates_Antius says:

          I just threw-up a bit in my mouth.

        • andytt66 says:

          Last time a USian made me a cup of tea, it involved boiling the water in a saucepan. Kettles just aren’t that much of a thing on that side of the Atlantic. I blame their ridiculous 110V power sockets myself…

          • Premium User Badge

            Aerothorn says:

            Uh, no, most people definitely have a kettle.

          • SRTie4k says:

            Said USian must have been an outlier, because 99% of US homes I have been in do indeed contain a kettle.

          • Misnomer says:

            He probably means an electric kettle like this: link to amazon.com

            Most Americans have kettles that they put on their stove/range tops.

            More Americans will have drip coffee makers on their counters than “kettles.”

            The result is that when we want a cup of tea we tend to microwave the water…sometimes with the tea bag in to the horror of UK posters here.

            If it makes you feel better, more Americans are getting Keurig coffee makers which act as hot water dispensers too so they will use that.

          • andytt66 says:

            This was Pennsylvania, quite close to Amish-land, so maybe it was just an outlier. Every home I visited had a coffee maker, but nary a kettle to be seen. It’s the little things that shake your worldview.

          • Brun says:

            I would expect most USians making tea for more than one person to run water through their drip coffee maker (without coffee grinds or a filter in there, just water), and use the resulting coffee pot full of hot water with tea bags to make the tea. It’s what I do for heating water for my French Press.

            Hmm, interesting question. Could you use a French Press to make tea?

          • Tams80 says:

            Hot water dispensers are little better, as the water is not freshly boiling.

          • Ergates_Antius says:

            “The result is that when we want a cup of tea we tend to microwave the water…sometimes with the tea bag in to the horror of UK posters here. “
            Take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure….

          • cptgone says:

            bringing water to boil in a microwave is wasteful.
            using a saucepan or, even worse, a coffee machine spoils the taste.
            black tea requires boiling water.

            oh, and Lipton Yellow Label consists of cardboard scented cardboard leaves.
            capitalism, ho!

        • SRTie4k says:

          Maybe I am strange, but I toss a teabag in my cup and use my Keurig for the hot water. It’s much faster than waiting for a kettle to boil.

        • abandonhope says:

          As an American who has for quite some time consumed fairly serious tea from China, Taiwan, Japan and other parts East using fairly serious (Yixing/Tokoname/gaiwan) teaware, I’ve never been clear on just how different British tea is from the standard American bag-in-a-mug. Is it mostly Indian blacks with sometimes different names?

          • colw00t says:

            It’s mostly the sense of superiority that takes up a bunch of space in the cup.

          • mike2R says:

            Yeah, mostly the superiority thing.

            But the water should be boiling when it touches the tea.

          • Drakedude says:

            Did you wonder, why Artisans are so rare? Forgotten, embellished, misappropriated? You’ve climbed, certainly, but it’s gnawed at you, hasn’t it, through every trial and test, stoke of fortune and eddy of the seas. You may be interested in our proposal

    • Berzee says:

      When I click anywhere on that Douglas Adams Tea page in a non-IE browser, the whole page moves down one line.

      Any information contained therein is instantly rendered invalid by this error.

      • mike2R says:

        Hmm, fine for me in Safari and the Mac version of Firefox…

    • Lacero says:

      Two things here. The first is episode 2 of series two of watson & oliver, which is unavailable on iplayer right now so here’s a transcript you can read from minute 7.
      link to tvguide.lastown.com

      second there’s this blatant rip off from daily mash
      link to thedailymash.co.uk

      “We are living in a society that operates a hot drinks caste system.”
      We are indeed.

  4. lowprices says:

    Daily Mail headline proclaiming “SICK VIDEOGAME MOCKS SOLDIERS” in 3… 2… 1…

  5. darkChozo says:

    Tea is good but coffee is better.

    (you es aye! you es aye! you es aye!)

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      If I understand history correctly, coffee is directly responsible for Communism, Hitler, psychiatry and all of the most difficult concepts in maths.

    • Koozer says:

      I thought you were talking Scottish for a moment there.

      • JamesTheNumberless says:

        Tea is of course better in Scotland because of the soft water… But then you also have whisky (the spellchecker appears to be Irish) so who needs tea.

        • LennyLeonardo says:

          I’ve made Scotch tea (bit like Irish coffee) in the past, and I can report that it is horrendous. I took a bullet for you. Cheques by post, please.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            Scotch tea requires 1 teabag, a nice peaty Islay single malt , and some ice. First throw away the teabag, then combine the whisky and ice, and drink.

    • GernauMorat says:

      Not the way americans brew it it isn’t ;-)

  6. Tom De Roeck says:

    Sir! You Are Being Teabagged!

  7. bluebomberman says:

    Am I the only one who finds this tasteless? Laughing at amputees as they struggle to complete basic tasks?

    • Koozer says:

      I didn’t mind too much – it could promote some awareness of the difficulties prosthetics can bring I thought – until I watched that trailer. That’s just horribly insensitive.

      • bluebomberman says:

        I find it even worse that a site that beats people over their heads about social justice until people pine for the exits can go ahead and promote a game that actively mocks a subset of the population that are often victims of malicious and violent acts.

        • DrGonzo says:

          I don’t see the issue, someone who recently lost their arm would make a mess of making a cup of tea, and that’s quite funny.

          • bluebomberman says:

            Yes, it’s quite funny to see people with missing arms struggle to put on clothes, tie their shoes, pick up objects. Hilarious. Funny. Ha ha.

        • El_Emmental says:

          +10 000, I’m with you bluebomberman

          This is the same kind of humour we see in “funny compilation” videos on youtube, where people laugh at fat or disabled people struggling to do a ‘simple’ task for able people.

          Sure the whole Octodad/Surgeon Simulator type of gameplay can be plenty of fun, but treating amputation/prosthesis and the difficulties of handling these like that, it’s just tasteless.

          But as usual, the Moral Brigade cherry-picks its fights: only the most popular “scandals”, already in the blogosphere, get on the front page, while all the other cases are fully ignored because being against discrimination (sexism being one of them) is mostly a hobby to make us feel better once per week, not something deeply changing the way we perceive and react to our entire environment, 24/7.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            Sexism stands out, because it doesn’t stand out. It’s been an accepted part of gaming for so long. Including a disabled character purely for comic relief, or shock value, is immediately morally dubious to most people and you’d struggle to get something like that into a big budget game.

            Including female characters for no reason other than eye-candy for the male players? Pretty standard. You want women as resources, or quest rewards? Perfectly acceptable. Women whose sole purpose is to highlight the capabilities of male characters by having none of their own? Wow, you’re a natural games designer.

            In many design meetings nobody would bat an eyelid if you suggested one of the characters should be a hot girl in a skimpy costume “because boobies, lol”. but if you suggested they should be an amputee you would be expected to have more justification for the decision than just “because he’s got no arms, lol” and more substance to the character.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            On cherry picking sexism, I think it’s at the fore because of the large and obvious proportion of women who are in or around the games industry and who have taken up the cause very visibly. That doesn’t mean those against sexism or those “jumping on the bandwagon” believe it to be a special case of discrimination more worthy than others, it is simply the one about where there’s some momentum for change. history has shown that when it comes to ending discrimination it usually, unfortunately, has to be one group at a time.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            Fair point. Actually I mentioned the other day that sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll are all generally good clean fun unless you combine them with violence. In games, however, that’s usually the only context in which they’re presented :) Personally I’m getting a little bit bored of violence… Or so I thought until I played Hotline Miami!! I think if a game is charming enough it can more or less get away with anything it wants to, especially murder. Most of the games that face backlash of any kind are sub-par examples of the generic 1st or 3rd person shooter.

          • El_Emmental says:

            Wow wow, wait a minute.

            Vermintide and James, while you’re both right about the importance of all discrimination, I was talking about an even more depressing cherry-picking.

            But first, let me clarify something: personally, I don’t mind if sexism get a higher priority for the video game industry (over violence), games themselves and the gaming community. Actually, I’m quite in favor of that: reducing the amount of sexism will also reduce the focus on meaningless violence, and improve gaming in general.

            There’s a lot to be done, we waited long enough for change, and it’s actually something that is commercially and economically viable RIGHT now. We can make non-sexist video games and make way enough money to make that sustainable, especially since men & women are slowly beginning to accept that gaming can coexist with femininity.

            What I meant with the “cherry picking” was regarding the scandals, frequently making the headlines (including here, at Rock Paper Shotgun), within the topic of sexism itself (and within other discriminations themselves).

            Like, a sexualized character model or the “girlfriend mode” were covered for weeks, a fratbro idiot making a rape joke at a convention get at least 10 articles and some people fired… but for no apparent reason, other, very shocking, sexist elements are not covered at all, like if the recent awareness of sexism in the VG industry/VG/gaming community never happened, like if it was just a lucid dream.

            Some day Social Justice is on the menu, the other day it’s just ‘fish & chips’. It’s kinda like the soup du jour, if you come the wrong day you can’t have it, better luck next time.

            Example (totally not based on reality):

            – on Monday we get a lengthy coverage about a female sidekick not being the main character (when the devs could have chose that), or a whole piece on how a female character is depicted as fragile and unable to do everything by herself (while it’s rarely the case with male characters). Great.

            – on Wednesday there’s a very positive article on a JRPG, talking about the great character development, nice subtle story.

            Oh, and all the screenshots of the characters show young women with gigantic breasts (or very small breasts…) in bikini armor, either seducing the main character (even when the woman is an enemy) or being in perilous danger, some images even featuring a “dark alley rape” situation (no rape happens, but the entire situation is exactly like that: torn clothes, begging female character trapped in a dark corner and laying on the ground (like if she was pushed), visible underwear, etc), and of course, the infamous tentacle/vine rape scene.

            Seriously. Freaking rape. It’s not just an oversexualized character with big boobs, we’re talking about heavily-insinuated sexual violence against women. It’s gonna start an online riot, right ? Petitions will be started, emails will be sent, activists will regroup and fight, right ?

            But… no, that’s totally normal, not even a sentence mentioning that, not even a word on the sexism existing in the asian video game culture (and the differences with the sexism in the western video game culture). Move along.

            This is what I think is totally wrong:

            All the attention is spent on very few ‘popular’ cases, even when these cases end up being less shocking and actually much less sexist than we thought (upon closer inspection), while many other serious issues, with strong sexism deeply ingrained in them, are completely ignored because the case is not popular, too complex, or doesn’t involve a popular trope/cliche of sexism (rape joke, groping, “no women in game development, must be a booth babe”, “women being women”, etc) and require actual thinking and discussion.

            Such cherry-picking (“we can’t cover everything anyway”, “it’s better to focus on prime cases”) may sound rather inoffensive at first sight, but it’s destroying the credibility of the anti-sexism and feminism movements for all the people either sitting on the fence or thinking it’s not much of a big deal.

            And losing that credibility means losing the support of the majority of people (and gamers), making change impossible. It is so frustrating to know that a positive change could happen, if only…

            If only anti-sexism (here, in gaming) was taken seriously by everyone.

            Especially the people who see themselves as fully-aware activists.

        • TheWhippetLord says:

          Agreed. This is nasty and I’d expect better from RPS.

      • darkChozo says:

        It would actually be a pretty good games-as-art game if handled properly. Nothing too overbearing, just something along the lines of a serious-ish version of Octodad.

        Doesn’t like the developer is taking that route, sadly enough. And the inevitable Youtube exploitation is going to be depressing.

    • Low Life says:

      We’ve got to laugh at them while we can, before they enslave us all: link to youtube.com

      • El_Emmental says:

        woaw, excellent video there, it’s amazing to see such tech working so seamlessly

        • zontax says:

          If you like technology you should watch this TEDtalk by hugh herr

    • Wedge says:

      You were looking for taste in something plastered in Stay Calm memes?

      • bluebomberman says:

        I’m looking for taste from RPS. I’m looking for RPS to not promote hateful crap. I’m looking for RPS to live up to the ideals they berate us with.

        • Drakedude says:

          It must be admitted that far more people will appreciate the difficulties involved through this medium then beating them around the head with it, my own problems with RPS (admittedly partially due to being a games site) aside.

        • Faxmachinen says:

          I don’t see how this game’s primary purpose is to mock disabled people any more than “I can’t find my glasses” is. And anyway, I wouldn’t much like RPS to stop writing about games which were offensive in some way. Wouldn’t be much left to write about.

          • El_Emmental says:

            People are not asking to censor offensive games, people are asking to mention the poor taste and lack respect these games have for disabled people, when making an article about it.

            And “I can’t find my glasses” isn’t approaching disabilities the same way at all. There’s no humorous tone or jokes about it, the world is grey and you struggle to even see what you’re doing, it clearly depicts the terrible distress of someone suffering from visual impairment.

            Meanwhile, Ampu-tea is taking the terrible difficulty of handling a prosthesis (when you can afford one !)(after losing a freaking arm !) like a funny game, “oh oh look, he can’t even make his own tea”.

            If “I can’t find my glasses” had a laugh track every time you broke something, then yeah it would be as offensive as Ampu-tea. I played ICFMG and it’s not the case.

        • Sharza says:

          I’m not sure if that’s the case — RPS promoting hateful speech etc. I found the underlying tone of the article to be very ironic “I could see kids giggling at this”; “Ah post traumatic stress. Hillarious”. Maybe that just slips some people or maybe I am wrong.
          Be that as it may, I find the discussion boils down to the question where one has to draw the line. What is discrimination and what isn’t? I usually find the intent behind a ‘joke’ is what makes up the essence of it and the measure by which it should be judged. This is hard to judge when you simply don’t know the intent – if you are smart, you explain what you want to achieve with something like the game at hand and that you don’t intend to be disrespectful.
          A crazy idea: What if the game had a disclaimer in the beginning, before you even start playing: ‘This game is intended to bring awarness to the difficulties disabled people can have with everyday tasks…’ etc. Would this change your view on it?

  8. westyfield says:

    Ampu-Tea Hard Mode: Actually using loose leaves and a pot like you’re supposed to.

    *grumble grumble* damned teabags *grumble*

  9. SkittleDiddler says:

    Tea is nature’s piss-water. There, I said it.

    • Dowr says:

      You’re lucky you didn’t declare coffee as superior to tea, because all of England (and even little of Scotland) would have burned you at the stake.

      • lowprices says:

        Pfft. Tea is just coffee for people who are scared of coffee.

      • SkittleDiddler says:

        If tea is nature’s piss-water, then coffee is nature’s meth, and I’m okay with that. Coffee is superior to tea, BTW.

    • BooleanBob says:

      Isn’t, um, piss-water nature’s piss-water? They don’t mix that stuff up in the lab, you know.

  10. Slabs says:

    Ginger Baker sang it best when it comes to Americans getting tea wrong… link to youtube.com

    • Hmm-Hmm. says:

      That’s just splendid.

      Regarding tea: I can only wonder at what the British think about dutch tea making. it mostly involves not adding milk and preferring lighter brews which also allows for less bags being required for a greater quantity (sharing tea bags, even).

  11. Dowr says:

    Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.

  12. Aberaham says:

    Wow what I high-larious and wacky game that surely will get Pewpiepie and Tobasscus millions more hits inbetween sessions of Happy Wheels and Surgeon Simulator.

  13. jonahcutter says:

    Considering the Brits proclivity for instant coffee, I can see whey they prefer tea.

    And tea’s allright. It’s a decent stand-in for when you’ve run out of a proper drink like coffee.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      This is a good point. I think instant coffee in Europe is a hangover from companies like Nestle taking huge advantage of post-war scarcity of real coffee. However, it’s only really at home where you drink it. Instant coffee is even more popular in the parts of Central Europe I’ve visited than it is in the UK. Although there are cafés everywhere serving the proper stuff, at home people still tend to drink instant. I live in Vienna at the moment and the Vienese are very laid back, only really serious about one thing – and that’s music. But if they were serious about two things, the second would be coffee.

  14. Scumbag says:

    From the site:
    Content rating: T(ea) for Teens. Contains violence.

  15. Pich says:

    Italian here: this is revenge for how the entire world mangle coffee. protip: just get one of these, they make a proper one in under 3 minutes link to upload.wikimedia.org

    • UncleLou says:

      Yes. I am actually always amazed that there are people who don’t use one of those.