Be Gabe Newell In The Team Fortress 2 Update

Those glasses are an unlock, but the hair sadly isn't.
My Team Fortress 2 addiction, which is now mostly in hand thanks for asking, used to be fueled by Valve’s updates. The magnificent teases that they were, they’d hold my attention with week-long pieces of performance art. The mighty clang when everything finally dropped and was unwrapped was the best thing ever. Now, with the community contributions happening in plain sight in the Workshop, that seems to be lost. We know what’s going to be in the game, and Valve have said things will be added more swiftly. So we’ve probably seen the end of things like the Spy uncloaking during the Sniper reveal. The latest, even with two new maps and over 60 new community addons, arrived instead with a quiet thump. And another. And another. Wait, that’s my heart…

I do want those Gabe glasses. They look magnificent. This nameless update’s additions, which includes hats, jackets, maps, and new crates and keys, aren’t as interesting as the vast rebalancing exercise that’s taken place. They’ve gone through each map and fixed as many exploits as they could. They’ve also rerolled a few underused weapons, or rebalanced overused weapons. Here’s how the approached the Dead Ringer’s overuse.

Let’s look at another example with the opposite problem: The Dead Ringer. At roughly 80%, the equip rate for the Dead Ringer is staggeringly high. Given the many other items available in this category, this means that players feel they don’t have any other viable option but choosing the Dead Ringer. We’ve gotten emails from players who describe the item as frustrating to fight against, requiring too little skill from the Spies and too much from their opponents.

In our next update, the Dead Ringer will work generally the same way it always has, letting Spies feign death to escape from damage that would have otherwise killed them. However, now any damage the Spy takes after his “death” will decrease the maximum length of time he can spend cloaked. This gives any players chasing the Spy more of an opportunity to catch up and deal a real finishing blow, while also requiring more skill from any Spy trying to make his way to actual safety.

I’m no longer a regular TF2 player, so I’ll be unable to comprehensively detail what the full effect of these changes will be, but forgotten things like Dalokohs Bar getting a touch up and tc_hydro being tweaked suggests it’s fairly comprehensive. Want to see the new maps?

This is cp_standin.

And this is cp_process.


  1. noom says:

    Glad to see they’ve nerfed the dead ringer a bit, though tbh I think it would be perfectly balanced if they just removed the damage reduction and kept it otherwise the same. It’s a shame they’ve not seen fit to nerf the gunslinger a little though; as a frequent player of scoot and pyro, minisentries consistently upset me.

    • twig_reads says:

      But they did nerf them, when minisentries were previously immortal while being built, they now take damage while being set up. So now one rocket can kill that sentry before it’s ready to shoot (previously impossible to do because it was being healed by massive ammount while building).

      • noom says:

        Oh, I misunderstood that when reading the patch notes. Should help a little.

  2. Low Life says:

    So, there’s this: link to

    I’m not quite sure what to think.

    • bstard says:

      I’m confused. Can we play that heavy lookalike or the zombie?

    • Lemming says:

      Is Alyx heavily irradiated? I’m just trying to ascertain why her eyes are glowing white-hot.

  3. Kollega says:

    I never liked how Valve dragged out their updates, even when i liked the game itself. The anticipation was killing me, and not in a good way. And that’s when you had achievements that were a guaranteed way to get the new toys you wanted.

    • baby snot says:

      How many times are you going to break that particular record?

      • Kollega says:

        If you mean “break a record” as in “repeat the same thing”, probably for a long while more. Perhaps untill something as aesthetically perfect as TF2 at launch comes along.

  4. Loque says:


  5. Njordsk says:

    great, great.

    How about HL3 now?

    • EOT says:

      I don’t think I care about HL3 anymore. No matter how good it may be if it ever comes out I doubt it will have been worth the wait.

      • cunningmunki says:


      • derbefrier says:

        and yet when its announced you’ll be here squealing like a pre teen Justin beiber fan like the rest of us. Your fooling no one :P

  6. KwisatzHaderach says:

    OMG! Gaben wears the SAME glasses as I do! Some of his shortsightedness falls back on me! This will be my birthday from hereon.

  7. Cinek says:

    lol @ second vid – guy talks about himself getting MVP and 4th July celebration for 90% of a video time. Remaining 10% is spent on saying that this map is really nice. And that’s pretty much all. o_O what a waste of time!

    • Craig Pearson says:

      Dude, you don’t listen to the VO in these videos.

      • twig_reads says:

        But there ARE videos of them where they do talk about the maps they are showing… I would so listen to those.

      • Bakuraptor says:

        Not that it matters, but given that process is pretty much one of the most popular maps of significance in the TF2 comp. scene, and a lot *can* be said about it, I do understand his point.

  8. Moni says:

    I have a plan. Everyone plays as a Gabe Heavy, quickly capture two control points, then spend the rest of the game sitting in a corner playing with knives.

  9. slerbal says:

    I like how in the above picture they’ve given Gaben a square chin rather than undefined jowels. It’s the same thing classical sculptors must have done when sculpting portraits of ahem… larger emperors…

  10. cunningmunki says:

    I used to have a TF2 addiction, but having children cured me. One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back.

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      I used to have a TF2 addiction but then I got a Dota 2 beta key in February 2012.
      Meanwhile my Steam library gets ever larger with unplayed games.

  11. strangeloup says:

    I’ve not played standin yet, but cp_process is a thing of wonder, and almost all of the weapon rebalances are extremely welcome. There are exceptions — there’s now not an awful lot of reason to use the Liberty Launcher, for instance — but overall it’s shaken things up nicely.

    I think my favourite bit of TF2 performance art lately was seeing a Sniper perform a series of pelvic thrusts while another teammate slowly Spycrabbed in a circle around him. It was a thing of beauty.