Ghost Panther! Splinter Cell Blacklist Trailer #43,830

It is arguable that I have slightly misunderstood what this minute’s Splinter Cell Blacklist trailer is actually about, after I read that the video title was “Ghost Panther Assault”. But that isn’t going to change anything – I’m insisting that rather than being about Ghost, Panther and Assault modes, this is about Ghost Panther, the greatest hero of our time.


Ordinary panther Anthony Jacobsen was tragically killed when a Tom Clancy novel fell on his head, and he was reborn: GHOST PANTHER!

I’ve no idea if the game is going to be good or not, but GOOD GRIEF, this trailer is ridiculous.

What’s this? The choice between stealth or aggression?!?!?!!!!??? Groundbreaking! The very fabric of gaming will collapse under the weight of this originality! Surely it cannot be done!

How very silly.


  1. nimzy says:

    I think we’re going to need some more Ghost Panther drawings.

  2. lowprices says:

    John, don’t get my hopes up, you tease.

  3. zachforrest says:

    more of a Panther-Slug?

  4. DestructibleEnvironments says:


    You know, if they make a HD collection of these games for PC I might get up to snuff. But they’re probably gonna skip Pandora Tomorrow (again), because they’re huge twats. I don’t want to skip a game in a series.

  5. DiamondDog says:

    The Anti-Horace! Look how disgustingly finite it is.

  6. Vraptor117 says:

    Is it wrong that I want this game to fail, so that Splinter Cell can either rest in peace or go back to being a smart, well-made STEALTH GAME?

    • db1331 says:

      Nope. I feel the same way about the new “Thief” game.

      • Suits says:

        With an avatar like that I’m guessing Ittle Dew is more your cup of tea.

        • db1331 says:

          I had to look up what that even was. Why yes, that does seem relevant to my interests.

  7. aldo_14 says:

    How does that guy not see the bright green lights at 50s, anyway?

  8. RedViv says:

    Splinter Cell Blacklist Ghost Panther Assault Trailer in Random Word Jumble Confusion Disaster

  9. strangeloup says:

    I will be vastly disappointed if the Panther tactic doesn’t let me stalk my prey silently, pounce on it at the last minute, and strangle its throat with a quick bite. And then hide the body in a tree to eat later.

    Also, why do I have to choose between stealth and aggression? The way of the future is passive-aggressive stealth.

    • Geen says:

      Oh god that’s hilarious.
      MGS3 sorta had that in that you could leave rotten food lying around, and hungry soldiers would eat it and puke their guts up.

  10. engion3 says:

    I’d rather kiss a dude than play this game, and now you all know that.

  11. db1331 says:

    Ghost Panther II: Paramilitary Cat-tivity

  12. Phendron says:

    Why so cynical? Is it because video games?

    Edit: UK, forgot.

  13. Suits says:

    One day I saw a ghost panther assault a gazelle on Nat Geo

  14. Heliocentric says:

    Thks games biggest problem is multiplayer crippling microtrasactions. If Ubisoft packed that in I’d buy on release (after reading trusted commentary).

  15. DanMan says:

    Damn, he doesn’t just write awesome articles, he’s also a maestro with the Paint brush. Now if he’s also looking handsome, consider me mighty jealous.

  16. OmNomNom says:

    There better be a goddamn hard mode or I’m going to go on a rampage killing console kiddies.

  17. colossalstrikepackage says: