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STOP TELLING US THINGS ABOUT SPLINTER CELL

This is what it's come to, Ubisoft. You made me do this.

Do you like green goggles and Sam?

I do not like them, Sam-Fisher-I-am.

Would you like more Splinter Cell: Blacklist trailers here or there? In a house? With a mouse? Would you watch them in a box? With a fox? 

I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I would not watch them in a box. I would not watch them with a fox. I do not like green goggles and Sam. I do not like them because you’ve released so many goddamn trailers, Sam-Fisher-I-am.

Oh. Well, here’s another that pretty much accomplishes what all the others did, but more succinctly and in a single go. Tehehehehehe. 

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

So there’s that. It sums up everything about Splinter Cell: Blacklist. Story, abilities, gadgets, various levels of stealthiness, co-op, spies vs mercs, and so on and so on and so on foreverrrrrrrrrrrr. Can Ubisoft please stop releasing a new trailer every week now? Will there even be anything left to discover when we actually, you know, play the game?

Also, I still want a game about Ghost Panther, the greatest hero of our time. He’d eat Sam Fisher for breakfast like so many ectoplasmically glowing green eggs and ham.

Splinter Cell: Blacklist will be out on August 23rd. That is very soon. May it finally spell an end to this collective international trailer nightmare.

Oh man, I just realized that Ubisoft hasn’t released anything titled “launch trailer” yet. Fuck.

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Nathan Grayson

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