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Why Not: Saints Row 4 Gets $1 Million Special Edition

Saints Row 5's special edition will allow you to buy your way into actual Presidency. Of Earth.

Gaming industry, you can stop releasing progressively more expensive and unnecessary collector’s editions now. Saints Row 4 has won – and quite handily, at that. A single, deranged soul can now obtain a $1 million version of the utterly unhinged open-world superhero United States President sim, netting them everything from a Lamborghini and plastic surgery to a trip to outer goddamn space. Why? Because Saints Row, that’s why. Does Deep Silver really need another reason?

While I shake my head in silent resignation to the fact that the world has gone completely bonkers and nothing will ever be the same, here’s a list of all the Saints Row 4 Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition‘s contents. And yes, this is actually really, really real.

  • Saints Row IV: Commander in Chief Edition
  • A full sized replica Dubstep Gun
  • A full day of spy training
  • A trip to space with Virgin Galactic
  • One year’s membership of E25 Super Car Club and a Lamborghini Gallardo to make it worthwhile
  • Plastic Surgery of the purchaser’s choice
  • A shopping spree with a personal shopper to create the ultimate Planet Saints capsule wardrobe
  • 7 nights for two at The Jefferson Hotel in Washington
  • Hostage rescue experience
  • A brand new Toyota Prius and insurance to give something back to the environment
  • 7 nights stay in the Top Royal Suite at the Burj-al-arab with flights for two

Is that a $1 million value? Does it really even matter at this point? Is there anybody on planet Earth with the means, desire, and not-right-in-the-head-ness to empty one of their Scrooge-McDuck-esque swimming pools of money for this theme park tour of human civilization?

What a silly question. Of course there is. I’m really not sure how to feel about that.

But even as that paragon of princely privilege builds a house made of money so that their other money can be warm during the artificially manufactured winter money blizzards, they should be aware of this little caveat: “Koch Media especially reserve the right to remove or amend contents of the Super Dangerous Wad Wad edition.” So what you see may not necessarily be what you get.

Not that it really matters because this is just a giant publicity stunt, but whatever. Still worthwhile to read the fine print when – again, and I am still reeling from this – $1 million is on the line.

The package is exclusive to GAME, if you’re actually interested (and haven’t already instead decided to donate all that money to RPS because we can offer scrumptious cookies and Horace’s world famous Infinite Hug). That’s a bit strange given that they don’t actually deal in dollars (to my knowledge), but whatever. This whole thing makes very, very little sense, so in that sense it kind of makes, er… sense. FUCK IT I’M DONE.

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Nathan Grayson

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