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Jerkwad Cat Simulator: Catlateral Damage

Yes, I knocked down that television. Do not question it, or I will knock down your entire home.

True fact: I was raised by cats. True fact the second: my first word was “meow.” I’m not joking about that, either. Point is, I very much get the cat mentality. I grew up around them, and I understand the tiny acts of terrorism they are capable of unleashing upon their small domestic worlds. And let’s face it: we, as humans, probably have it coming. I mean, how dare we ever leave the house or not be in a specific spot at an arbitrary time or not clean the litter box every 15 minutes or let the sun go down and ruin their sunbeam or pet them the wrong way or pet them the right way for too long? In these cases, the only answer is swift and frighteningly calculated retribution. Time for Catalateral Damage. Time to break some shit. Poor, oblivious humans. How else will they learn?

Cats are jerks – seemingly for no reason, but mostly for incredibly specific reasons that we can never hope to understand. Catlateral Damage lets us live the cathartic aftermath of such an episode. You, a cat, are stuck in you’re owner’s room. The solution? Daintily paw at objects large and small until you have successfully BROKEN EVERYTHING. Sometimes you might nudge until gravity does the rest, other times a flippant flick of the paw will do the trick in satisfyingly sadistic fashion. You’ve got a two minute time limit. Go!

That’s really all there is to it. Catlateral Damage is about as basic and inconsequential as can be, and that’s exactly what I wanted from it. Be a cat. Do total jerkstore asshole cat things. The end. In this dog-heavy year of games, it’s exactly the dander-and-fur-ridden breath of fresh air we need. It’s also probably the most accurate cat simulation in the history of gaming. What more could you want? Play it now.

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Nathan Grayson

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