FIFA Foot-To-Ball 14 Demo Out, Doesn’t Like You Much

There are a contingent of RPS readers who hate it when we say “foot-to-ball”. Quite why foot-to-ball is a problem for these foot-to-ball-hating people is hard to fathom. I mean, the sport’s called foot-to-ball, and always has been called foot-to-ball, ever since foot-to-ball was invented by Geoffrey Foot-To-Ball in 1986. Some people just like to complain, I guess. Anyhow, you can now get your hands on the demo version of FIFA Foot-To-Ball 14, if you’ll only install Origin.

We already know that the PC version of FIFA 14 is going to be a stupidly cut down version of that offered for the 360 and PS3. Why? Because, “mumble mumble space technology mumble mumble not enough wires mumble“. So this is really just a redressed FIFA 13, and a spit in the face. But still, you can play the demo part for free, so, er, that’s something. The whole game is out on the 27th, but you’ll be far better off either picking up a console version, or better yet, getting PES 2014 when it comes out on the 24th.


  1. eQuality_Ninja says:


  2. WoundedBum says:


    I thought the PC version was exactly the same as the 360/PS3 versions, and it was the PS4/Xbox 3 that were getting the unique versions. Isn’t that the case? That’s what the article linked to says.

    • ahmedabdo says:

      It is, but the PS3/360 version is a redressed FIFA 13 actually.

      • WoundedBum says:

        Either way, the PC version is the same of the current gen ones. So…yeah.

        • hotmaildidntwork says:

          Is there some reason that that makes sense?

          • WoundedBum says:

            Well I would imagine it makes more sense for the PC version to run on the lowest common denominator hardware, and I by not releasing the next engine version they have a broader potential audience. That’s very different to deliberately cutting down on the PS3/360 version.

          • Baines says:

            EA doesn’t want to spend money.

            Even though the PS4 and Xbox One have similar architecture to PCs, EA may feel it is easier to port the 360/PS3 version (which they’ve been doing for games for years) than to port the more demanding “next gen” version and then make that port run on older, weaker PCs.

      • chivs688 says:

        Can you people stop spouting these lies? This whole “Let’s say EA are doing these terrible things coz they’re EA he hehe”

        If you had played the demo, which clearly neither you nor the writer did, then you’d know that there are significant changes from FIFA 13, and major fundamental ones at that.

        Now I’m not really an EA fan for the most part, but saying that this is just a re-skinned 13 when developers have clearly been working very hard and implementing a fair amount of great changes, is just lazy, disrespectful and wrong.

        • tormos says:

          EA literally announced that PC players would be getting the current gen version of the game rather than the full gussied-up next gen release. So either EA is in on the horrible RPS anti-EA conspiracy or your head is so far up your rectum it’s coming back out your mouth.

        • MacTheGeek says:

          If EA wants the benefit of the doubt, they can bloody well return the Madden and NHL franchises to the PC. Until they do, they’re going to get accused of cutting corners for PC gamers, and rightly so.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Huge fan of foot-to-ball, huge fan of Patrick Stewart…. But somehow the combination is a bit iffy :/

  3. Oryon says:

    Captain Picard, what are you doing?

    I almost expected Ian McKellen to come in and say “On the fifth day, at halftime, look to my coming on the pitch. Look to the east, to the subs box.”

    What a ridiculous trailer.

    • Drinking with Skeletons says:

      He’s doing the same thing he did when he did the intro to the Sims Medieval: getting a paycheck for talking into a microphone. Good work if you can get it.

  4. N'Al says:

    I heard Origin is now referred to as knee-to-groin.

  5. tnzk says:

    The PS3/360 version of FIFA 14 feels markedly different from FIFA 12/13. I mean, they haven’t built a new game up from scratch, but the engine doesn’t feel half-arsed anymore. Whether or not they use that as a base to make the actual game good (PLEASE REMOVE THE SCRIPTING EA), it’s up to them.

    I doubt they’d use the PS4/Xbone version of the new FIFAs for a long time to come on the PC, but at least give them the current-gen versions.

  6. GallonOfAlan says:

    It would just make me say foot-to-ball EVEN MORE.

  7. maxi0 says:

    “foot-to-ball was invented by Geoffrey Foot-To-Ball in 1986”


    I put it to you that Fit-Tha-Baw was invented by renowned Glaswegian, Donald ‘Fitty’ McBaw, in 1979. Fitty failed to patent his concept, sadly, and so the duplicitous Geoffrey ‘Underhand’ Foot-To-Ball pitched his (slightly modified) game to the world. The rest, as they say, is history.

    Such factual errors are unacceptable. Perhaps you chaps should stop using Wikipedia as your primary source of historical data.

    • Surlywombat says:

      I think you will find that Foot-to-ball was invented when invented at the Foot School when one of the players dropped a rugby ball and kicked it.

      • maxi0 says:

        Alas! You have fallen victim to a commonly touted Urban Legend. Foot School was actually a front for the recruiting arm of the villain Shredder’s organisation.

    • AndrewC says:

      Idiotic Internet Man! The game commonly known as Foot-To-Ball has an incredibly long history in Scotland prior to Mr McBaw, after being introduced to the country by Australians in the 13th century. Although many of the rules have changed over the centuries, you can still see the core aspects of the original game today – painting your face blue, fighting and being anti-Semitic.

      Of course, they called it Footie Squaggle because they were Australian.

      • maxi0 says:

        Confound it, you credulous knave! You refer, of course, to the pseudo-historic depiction of the life of Melvin ‘passion’ Dinkum portrayed in the Hollywood biopic “Brave Baws”. There is absolutely no evidence to support the movie’s infamous speech by Dinkum: “You may take our baws, mate, but you’ll never take away our Footie Squaggle.”

        In fact, the only documented evidence relating to Dinkum is to be found in the grounds of Scone Castle, where what appears to be a rudimentary blackboard made of sandstone and carved with flint boasts the message “Wheref the paffion ladf?” Thus far, nobody has been able to translate this archaic text.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Aye, everything’s better in Scotland.

  8. Sparkasaurusmex says:

    If you really want to offend you should call it soccer.

    • Buckermann says:


      • Drinking with Skeletons says:

        I’m going to watch a soccer match while eating potato chips (or maybe french fries) and chocolate chip cookies. Later I’m going to eat some biscuits and gravy, because breakfast for dinner is awesome, and drink some iced, highly sweetened tea. I will then get into my car from the left and drive, in the right lane, to the store to purchase a non-metric measuring tape.

        It will be a full day.

        • immerc says:

          You mean a soccer game? My favorite team is the Hull Tigers. I like them best when Tom Huddlestone is part of the starting lineup, I’m glad he was traded from the London Hotspurs. I wish they sold hot dogs at the field though, all they have is pies, and who wants candy like that?

    • John Walker says:

      As in the abbreviation of “Association Football”, as it was called in the UK decades before the US picked up on it?

      • DrGonzo says:

        No one in the uk called it association football or soccer in actual real life though. The yanks really do say it.

        • Drinking with Skeletons says:

          We do! Non-Americans HATE this, but we do it because we can travel for thousands of miles (in just about any direction) between two different oceans without encountering anyone who says different.

          • DrGonzo says:

            You mean, you only travel around your own country, oblivious to the rest of the world? I must say, this comes as a shock to me.

          • Drinking with Skeletons says:

            Unfair! My state is nearly the size of the entirety of England, and there are 49 others, each with unique qualities–from food to dialect–and attractions. If you don’t believe it, look up the difference between, say, North Carolina barbecue and Texas barbecue.

            And I have traveled overseas, once to England, and once to France (and Italy, Switzerland, and Monaco). Unfortunately I don’t have thousands of dollars lying around to spend every year so that I can do so.

        • joku says:


          Always with the Yanks. Nevermind the fact that Canadians and Australians also call it soccer. Nobody ever seems to call them on it though, it’s always those bloody Yanks.

          • Drinking with Skeletons says:

            That’s because Canada and Australia are like the goody-two-shoes siblings and America is the shithead who can never quite get its act together, and so endures constant criticism from its mother, regardless of whether it’s deserved.

            My theory is set to sweep the History Awards this year, being hosted in my living room, by me, in my underwear. I may or may not be intoxicated. And I may or may not actually wear the underwear.

          • stupid_mcgee says:

            As well as the Japanese.

        • stupid_mcgee says:

          And so do the Japanese and the Australians.

      • immerc says:

        “Soccer” was also fairly commonly seen in UK newspapers up until about the 1970s.

    • Bluenose says:

      You, sir, are going home in a fucking ambulance.

      • hotmaildidntwork says:

        Don’t ambulances usually drive one to the hospital?

        • Grygus says:

          Perhaps Bluenose issues on-the-spot EMT training.

        • MacTheGeek says:

          If you’re sending him to the hospital, I hope he has his health insurance paid up. And hopefully his employer will let him use vacation days while he recuperates.

    • tnzk says:

      Virtually the entire southern hemisphere calls it soccer, including all the great South American teams.

      I have a theory as to why the English get all up in arms about calling it ‘soccer’. It’s the only good shot they have at winning something football-related on the international stage.

      • Drinking with Skeletons says:

        Really? I assumed they called it football (in their respective native languages). For example, the Spanish word, used in–I presume–most countries from Mexico on south is futbol. I could be wrong, however.

        Would love to know more about this. Linguistics is fascinating to me.

        • tnzk says:

          Sorry, let me reiterate, when non-native English speakers talk about the game in English, they’ll call it soccer.

          In Australia and New Zealand, football was officially known as soccer until 2004. NZ is trying to make an effort to call it football, but in Australia ‘football’ is colloquially reserved for Australian football.

          Not sure why they do this in the South American countries (n.b Mexico is not South American) when they call the game football in their own tongue, but yeah they will refer to it colloquially as soccer in English (maybe because English speakers to them are American?). The Brazilians here in New Zealand don’t mind calling it soccer, and even Pelé himself will refer to it as soccer.

          The general trend though is to revert it back to football where possible. To be honest, I don’t know why, because soccer is a pretty cool nickname.

          • Drinking with Skeletons says:

            It seems like a conscious attempt to conform against the U.S., though that may be a reflexive opinion on my part. I don’t understand why countries do things like that; why aren’t their own dialects good enough for them? What is the appeal of lining up and following the international herd in such trivial matters?

          • Hmm-Hmm. says:

            Non-native speakers? Surely that encompasses most of the world. And I certainly don’t call it soccer. I mean we call it ‘voetbal’ in the Netherlands so it only makes sense to call it football. Rather than American football which doesn’t even need people hitting the object-not-resembling-a-ball for most of it to work. You could call that weakling’s rugby or something. :P

            At any rate not all of the world learnt about football from the USians (USAians? USAicans?). So there.

      • DrGonzo says:

        Yeah, we invented the game, now we aren’t that good at it, the only thing we have left is to moan about the pronunciation. We can’t play the game right, but we say it right.

      • JamesTheNumberless says:

        Except of course that we’re a lot better, internationally, at Rugby. Which was the original football.

      • neocero says:

        “Virtually the entire southern hemisphere calls it soccer, including all the great South American teams.”

        Im sorry but no…
        I live in Argentina, and I’ve yet to find a single person (in all south america) that calls it soccer, even if we say it in english, its football, or “futbol” as it’d be spelled in spanish.

      • Cruzer says:

        I would be wary about speaking on behalf of half of the planet.

  9. Prolar Bear says:

    I don’t know how somebody could not like the name “Foot-To-Ball.”

    • norfolk says:

      I get inexplicably riled up when I read it here. JOHN WALKER YOU’VE FOUND MY WEAKNESS.

      It’s annoying in the same way a younger brother is annoying when they repeat everything you say. Rationally, it’s trivial, and pragmatically it goes away if you just ignore it—but it’s just too annoying.

      Maybe it’s because it trivializes sports, which stings the sport-lover the tiniest bit because sports games are stigmatized on the PC? Maybe?

  10. gunny1993 says:

    … Patrick Stuart makes football seem about 50 billion times more interesting than it actually is.

    And no it’s not an opinion, I used math.

    • Plantinum says:

      * You mean meth.

    • Vandelay says:

      I’ve started watching Star Trek TNG for the first time in years. The equation still works out to be in the negative for the first season despite this, mainly due to beardless Riker being worth -50 trillion.

      • Grygus says:

        Brace yourself; the second season is even worse due to a writer’s strike. The latter part of season two is when the show picks up and becomes worth watching.

  11. DrScuttles says:

    Today I learnt that Rock Paper Shotgun is approximately one puberty older than foot-to-ball.
    edit: give or take a century. Sometimes I don’t read properly. On reflection I actually learnt nothing today, and that fills me with ennui.

  12. Baines says:

    Didn’t PES have to cut features because of EA licensing?

    I want to recall a post by a dev that said PES had to have several stadiums removed, and said that they didn’t have time to make replacements. As well, the stadium editor itself was removed. And they had to drop some teams, because EA signed deals for those as well.

    • aldo_14 says:

      They removed the Spanish stadiums, yeah – which apparently contributed to the loss of the stadium editor (which, while basic, was still really welcome).

      And apparently no rain effects, because of the new engine.

      Not really a good year for the big football games on Pc, frankly.

  13. Njordsk says:

    So… basket to ball?

  14. tnzk says:

    If anyone has a Xbox or PS3, the PES 2014 demo is out now.

    I must say, PES might just be the king this year.

  15. edwardoka says:

    You have the Goal, number 1.
    Get off my pitch.

    Etc etc

  16. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    “Foot-to-Ball” sounds like a really weird D&D spell.

  17. Ford says:

    this article is both ignorant and wrong.

    hilariously bad work as usual.

  18. Giuseppe says:

    Captain Picard on…

    … touchlines: The line must be drawn here! This far, no farther!

    … substitutions: Make it so.

    … floodlight failures: There are FOUR lights!

    … last season’s Bayern Munich: Resistance is futile!

    … performance-enhancing drugs: Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

  19. hax0r jim duggan says:

    maybe the ‘foot-to-ball’ dead horse would be easier to see as just a crap joke rather than sneering if the usual author, John Walker, didn’t take his disdain of sports and sports fans far enough as to blame the 96 deaths at Hillsborough on the Liverpool fans, against literally all the evidence.

    nice one John, you’re on the side of Thatcher, Kelvin Mackenzie and Irvine Patnick. Isn’t ‘Keep Calm’-style middle class liberalism a wonderful thing?

    the constant need to cover big-name football games for hits while pointing out through a held nose that you really don’t like all this uncouth sport stuff is equivalent to the bore who whinges on about X-Factor and Big Brother while simultaneously highlighting at every juncture “I Don’t Even Own A TV”

    • Grygus says:

      You might be taking your games too seriously.

      Ha ha ha, I’m just kidding man. Carry on.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Where I was born it was called “football”, where I grew up it was called “fitbaw”, and where I live now it is called “Fußball”.

      “Soccer” is a term I both use, and like. “Foot-to-ball” is a bit of fun.

      However, there’s a fine line, especially in the more traditional strongholds of geekery (where I usually feel most comfortable) between stuff like this article, and outright hatred of everything sport related, which can alienate those of us who are sports geeks as well as being game geeks.

      Football fans, and gamers, share more in common than FIFA. We’ve also both been used appallingly by mainstream media and politicians, over the years, when it has suited them.

      • JamesTheNumberless says:

        I have to add that I think RPS are on the right side of that line. It’s some of the comments on some of the footie game articles that worry me.

    • Om says:


    • JohnnyPanzer says:

      Jesus Christ. One would think that a follower of the most catered to hobby in the world would have thicker skin that that.

      If it pisses you off that much, perhaps you can take comfort in the fact that you have a hobby that is routinely allowed to crowd out anything and everything else on the tube witout a seconds notice? Or maybe you can lick your wounds with the knowledge of how we all have to foot the bill whenever you guys burn a city to the ground in celebration of the riveting three hours of goalless jogging spectacle you just enjoyed?

      Nah, I’m just kidding. Football fans truly are oppressed at every turn. Ahem…

      • hax0r jim duggan says:

        JohnnyPanzer, you’re saying I should ignore a man who is victim blaming over what has since been proven as a massive government and police collusion to smear 96 dead men, women and children because football is like, really popular and shit.

        that says a great deal about your character. perhaps you’d like to tell some of those 96 families about how like, it’s really *inconvenient* to you that football is on the television a lot (it isn’t, if we’re talking terrestrial)

        • MacTheGeek says:

          Oh goody, we’ve reached the section of the comments where people hurl insults at the author for something he didn’t write in this article.

          I shall make myself a bowl of pop-to-corn, sit back, and await the deluge of scorn by people who are mad at John Walker for the lack of scantily-clad cheerleaders in FIFA titles.

          • JamesTheNumberless says:

            Surely it’s corn-to-pop?

          • Shumone4 says:

            That is a great point. Mr. Walker, cease writing these silly articles and break into this game studio’s office immediately and get to coding my buxom ladies! While you’re at it, code in some mascots. I’m not sure if the true sport has them or not, but I would love to see a man in a silly tiger suit pass out from heat stroke in the middle of a match, or better yet, get beaned by a muffed shot.

      • JamesTheNumberless says:

        I hope you’ll think about what you’ve just written and why you’ve written it the next time you see games being blamed for violence, obesity and underachievement in children.

      • Cruzer says:

        Burn a city to the ground in celebration? Manchester City Council must have had a torrid time in the 90s, what with their town being razed every year.

  20. Radiant says:

    FOOTBALL you god damn heathen!

    • Radiant says:

      “…this is really just a redressed FIFA 13, and a spit in the face.”
      You are also a god damn correct heathen. *shakes fist at err’body*

  21. Snids says:

    What is the foot-to-ball simulation in the top image?

    • Giuseppe says:

      It’s FIFA International Soccer, the DOS version, and the first game in the series. The image seems to be taken from Mobygames.

  22. kingkongfive says:

    “We already know that the PC version of FIFA 14 is going to be a stupidly cut down version of that offered for the 360 and PS3.”

    Not true, John. It’s the exact same game that will ship on PS3 and 360. Indeed, it’ll be a slightly better game considering the prettier graphics and faster load times.

    I’m guessing you meant to make the point that the PC version of FIFA 14 won’t be what ships on the PS4 and Xbone.

  23. Allenomura says:

    So, to summarise: By not playing FIFA this year, I’d get to –
    *Not run Origin
    *Not endorse daft underrating of my platform of choice
    Not wait a week after FIFA is released to play (PES PC is available from Sep 20th)

  24. Zankmam says:

    TL;DR version:

    PC, PS3 and Xbox 360 versions are re-skinned versions of FIFA 13. No new engine, only the less important features (for example, the career mode will be different from last years).

    PS4 and Xbox One versions are with a new engine, Ignite, and this version *should* be noticeably different from FIFA 13.

    You should:

    a) Buy the PS4/Xbox One version
    b) Keep playing FIFA 13 if you are on PC – just mod it with new teams, transfers and kits (and so on).
    c) Buy PES 14.

    PES TL;DR:
    – New engine featured in all versions
    – Lot of work has been done by the newly opened London studio/section of Konami to make the game feel more at home for US and European players
    – PES 14 will hopefully be the first step towards bigger and better things (PES 15)

    • chivs688 says:

      Can you people stop spouting these lies? This whole “Let’s say EA are doing these terrible things coz they’re EA hehehe”

      If you had played the demo, which clearly neither you nor the writer did, then you’d know that there are significant changes from FIFA 13, and major fundamental ones at that.

      Now I’m not really an EA fan for the most part, but saying that this is just a re-skinned 13 when developers have clearly been working very hard and implementing a fair amount of great changes, is just lazy, disrespectful and wrong.

      • DrScuttles says:

        I’m curious, exactly where did John Walker make these claims?

        • tormos says:

          don’t bother, dude’s an obvious shill. See the exact same diatribe that he posted earlier in the comments for confirmation.

          • DrScuttles says:

            Hmm. My comment was aimed at the above nonsense spouted by hax0r jim duggan up there, regarding the John Walker / Hillsborough connection. Though your response would be equally valid in that context, too. It just seems like such a strange argument to reach at apropos of nothing that John’s ever written. And yet they seem so passionate about it. I’d genuinely like to know where their view comes from.

  25. Freud says:

    Any word of mouse + keyboard support?

  26. lord_strange says:

    Scarily, I recognise the screenshot as being from Fifa 95. Which I played, a lot. Anyway….

    The demo for Fifa14 was actually a pleasant surprise. It didn’t feel like just a reskinned Fifa 13. Which I also played. A lot. Ball physics and player movement all seemed to have been revamped, making each touch even more important than in the last iteration.

    So I might buy it after all. Who would have thunk?

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Sounds good, nice to hear this from the RPS community, which I largely trust. Planning to get this iteration on my PC – had FIFA 12 and never had a fraction of the problems with Origin that I had with the matchmaking service on the PS3 version of FIFA 11. Also, much better multi-player experience overall on PC with a higher general standard and far fewer ragequitters.

    • chackosan says:

      Nothing scary about recognising FIFA 95. It’s quite iconic, after all.