Listen up kids, here’s a cautionary tale of The Man Who Drank Too Much Alcohol And Then Had A Hangover And Then Wanted The World To End An Then Had To Write Words About Video Games. Hang on, I think the title actually contained the whole story. Basically I’m doing my best, OK? Leave me alone. I’ll probably eventually feel better, and then I’ll get back to updating SavyGamer.co.uk, but I’m afraid the selection of cheap games listed here is all you’re getting out of me today.
Oh, I should address the thing about the no colon. I’m borrowing someone else’s laptop and what. Needs a bit of a clean, too, I reckon.
All of the Bioshocks – £12.48/€14.78/$19.99
This is from Amazon US, so you’ll need to enter a US billing address. Registers on Steam.
Here’s a series of games that are equal parts incisive social commentary, murder simulator and dumpster diving. You play a dude who communicates with blunt instruments, bullets, and magic superpowers, and you have to go from a to b, trying to avoid any instances of ludonarrative dissonance. They’re a bit scary at times, but it’s ok because if it gets too scary you can stop playing it and play something else instead. The first one has the best story, the second one has the best shooting, and the third one has the best utter crushing disappointment at how not very good it is compared to the first two.
All of the Metros – $19.99
Deep Silver love a bit of regional pricing discrimination, so as part of their policy of charging “as much as we can possibly get away with”, these are region locked to the USA. It’s an extremely consumer hostile set of policies, but it probably helps them maximise shareholder wealth, and that’s all that really matters, right? Here’s some words that tell you if the games are any good (they are), but if you happen to be too foreign to be worthy of this discount, maybe just go climb a tree or something.
Need for Speed: Most Wanted – £7.49/Possibly similar price in other currencies.
Did you like Burnout Paradise, but thought it was too colourful and not quite corporate enough? Then this will be right up your street. Street! Like a car analogy. John played it, and was kind enough to share his feelings about it.
A vast city, ridiculously detailed and lovingly crafted, packed with races, cars, jumps, barriers and advertising hoardings. You have a huge array of cars very quickly available to you, all of which drive ridiculously fast (0 to 60 in around a second, generally), skid splendidly around corners, and hugely varied in handling.
More this way.
The Bureau: XCOM Declassified – £9.99
It took XCOM: Enemy Unknown more than twice as long after release to drop to this sort of price range. I wonder if we’ll see other publishers cynically cashing in on this trend by making cerebral strategy spin offs of their dumb ass cover shooters. This XCOM is the one that is a Gears Of War ‘Em Up, and here’s your man Adam telling you why you should probably only buy it out of morbid curiousity than out of thinking it will be a proper XCOM game.
Deal of the week
All of the X games – £3.75/€4.44/$6
I’m sorry I’ve not played any of the X games, and there’s not even a review of any of them in the RPS archives for me to lazily copy and paste from. Maybe you can just buy them speculatively, or maybe kind people in the comments will say whether they are funtimes or not. I think they are games about space ships.
And with that I’m done. Please visit my website about cheap video games.