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Surgeon Simulator ARG Yields Out Of This World Secret

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a really, really different kind of doctor.

Well, that didn’t take long. Like an expert surgeon carving out cavities and worming sausage-fingers indiscriminately between guts, Bossa recently stuffed an ARG into Surgeon Simulator 2013’s latest update. For hours – no, more than a whole day – Codename: Trisha had the game’s community stumped. But then, finally, after many long, sleepless nights, a solution beamed into view. Bizarre, cryptic messages? Wild numerical spews? Enough video tapes to construct a pyramid that’d awe even the most complacent of mice? What could it all mean? Go below to find out.

Alien surgery! Specifically, you have to perform a gobbleshaft transplant, which is I guess a very delicate procedure? Why else would beings both physically and technologically light-years ahead of us enlist the aid of the world’s best… er, um… greatest… except, well… hrm. Anyway, moving on.

There are five other equally mystifying procedures on top of that, and also a few entirely perplexing alien surgical tools to help you cut, squish, and hemorrhage your way to victory.

If it’s been a while since you donned your, um, watch and maybe washed your hands for a Surgeon Sim operation, there’s now also the option to help TF2’s Heavy with that whole “having viscera” problem he won’t stop bellyaching about. So basically, Surgeon Simulator’s only gotten more ridiculous with time – kind of like a fine wine except gobbleshaft. I mean, really, it’s no wonder gamers make better surgeons. Compared to this stuff, real surgery must be a total cakewalk. Who wants to let me test my theory? Don’t worry: I charge fantastic rates.

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Nathan Grayson

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