Meanwhile, at Activision HQ:
Bobby Kotick: Call of Duty is the pinnacle of artistic expression, an opinion echoed by all humans (who currently live in college dorms and crush between one and seventeen beer cans on their foreheads per day). But we have a problem: we’ve covered so much beautiful, subtext-laden ground. Guns, military men, explosions, zombies. What’s left, I ask you? Forsooth, are there any other topics in the whole of human history? Any more rich veins of untapped meaning that we, both this generation’s Shakespeare and Hemingway (or Hemingspeare for short, a weapon we’ll soon release as paid DLC), can loose upon this poor, unthinking world?
Some Other Person: Gee, sir. Probably not, sir.
Bobby Kotick: What if…? I’ve got it! Dogs! Man’s best friend, that most loyal of companions, the wind beneath our–
Some Other Person: We’re already doing that, sir.
Bobby Kotick: Then we should just shut down the whole operation now. For if we have nothing new or novel to impart unto the world, then what, pray tell, is even the point?
Some Other Person: Money.
Bobby Kotick: Oh, right. OK then, let’s do aliens. Duh.
Now the question is, will there be alien ghosts? If so, then there’s only one man fit for the job of taking. them. down. Ghost Panther, the greatest hero of our time. Oh, but what if alien ghost zombies come crawling into the picture? If that’s the case, then we are truly doomed.
So yeah, here’s the ghostly gist of how it works:
“Call of Duty: Ghosts introduces Extinction – an all-new 1-4 player cooperative game mode featuring a unique blend of fast-paced survival action, FPS base defense, scavenging, and class leveling.”
That’s all Activision’s saying for the moment. It sounds like a spin on the ever-popular horde mode, Infinity Ward’s answer to Black Ops’ zombies. It’ll probably be OK, functional, worth 47 game of the year awards, and all that.
I really hate writing this cynically. I honestly hope Extinction is incredible, a revolution, and something that brings gushing geysers of sparkling joy to millions of people. Or maybe it’ll make them think or something. I don’t know. I just want games to be great and to see sincerity rule the world. No matter how silly, angry, or ranty my posts get, that, I guess, is where they’re coming from.