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FLEEE IN TERROR FROM THE HUGE SEAL (STEAM SALE)

Therrrrrrrrrre is so much a seal could tell you, so much he could bark. Yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuu remain, MY POWER MY PLEASURE MY *COUGH-LIKE BELCHING NOISE*

[Earth-shaking slapping sounds can be heard in the distance, like fresh lard being cannon-fired at an ancient war drum]

Do you hear that?

[A glass of water ripples ominously; a largely decorative Jello mold does the same, but fails to be particularly frightening]

Something’s coming. Something big.

[Dogs whine, horses stomp frantically, one or two people glance up from Western-shootout-caliber staredowns with Facebook on their phones]

It’s… it’s… SEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL.

Oh hey, also Frozenbyte is holding a choose-your-own-Steam-sale thing that it’s calling the Huge Seal right now. What a coincidence!

It works like this: you pick coupons for Steam deals via the Huge Seal website, and for each purchase you make, you get to pick a new coupon. Also, three buys nabs you a ramdom free game from the list, if all of that other stuff didn’t seal the deal [bursts into fit of violent seal-bark laughter or maybe I was just stricken with tuberculosis for that horrific attempt at a joke].

In total, there are 35 games on offer, but standouts include Antichamber at 60 percent off, Tiny and Big at 75 percent off, Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams at 80 percent off, The Swapper at 50 percent off, and Trine 2 at 85 percent off.

I’d say it’s a real whale of deal, but that’d be aquatically insensitive. Regardless, you should go check it out. Indie games! Seals! The complete and total inability to exorcise Kiss From A Rose from your brain’s airwaves for days! What’s not to like?

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Nathan Grayson

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